Month: October 2016

Being alone in a Dark Place

Do you remember a time when you were in a dark place?

Dark PlaceDid you have anyone you could really talk to about the truth?

I have had dark days, maybe even a dark week or two…but 2013-14 were probably 2 of my darkest years.

Here are 2 of my status from this date in 2013

 

“I covet your prayers. The past 2 months have finally caught up to me.  To tell you how bad it has been…. I still have wet clothes sitting in a broken down washing machine, my oil change was due over 6 thousand miles ago…. And I am the person that as soon as I hit 5 thousand I get my oil changed. Then to top it off we got hit with another doozie yesterday….  And we also have to be out of our office by Thursday…I know the verses “all things work together for the good…..”and resting in the fact that Satan had to get permission before any of this happened.  I wish I had a crystal ball to see the end, but right now I feel I have nothing left to give.  Thank you for your prayers.”

“You know you must be bad if the technician at Jiffy Lube asked if you were ok”

These statuses were 10 months into owning a restaurant that we bought for the sole purpose of helping people get back on their feet.

We did not buy it to become a huge corporation and make lots of money, we used it as a training site so people who were reentering the workforce could have a safe place to learn things like integrity, perseverance, reliability etc…

Here is the reasoning behind that dark time.

We surely thought that there would be many on board to support the restaurant because we were helping people to get back on their feet and become productive members of society.

Well unfortunately this was farthest from the truth.

We did not gain business that we thought would be a no brainer.  Some of the reasoning’s were we could not beat the fast food pizza prices and also because we sold beer.

We were also told by people because we had “those” people working for us they would never come back. And they didn’t.  They would park in front of our store every week and walk to the Chinese restaurant.

We also did field trips and because we had “felons” work for us this certain group that took federal funding could not come back ever. Really?

Then when we did raise our prices to cover the rising cost of food, people got even more upset.

Let me give you one example.  Cheese.  When we started a box of cheese cost $50/ box, by the time we sold it, the same box of cheese cost $90/box.  And that was just one item, but it goes on EVERY pizza.

And to top it off, the ministry lost 30% of its funding.

During this time, I was alone and needed support.

There were days where I could have given up, driving home I would think “just run the van into this ditch, or this pole… No one would care and I will be out of this darkness.”

This was a dark time, but when you do ministry you cannot be honest. You have to smile and make believe everything is amazing and greaYou OK?t.

I am grateful that I did not allow satan to win. I am grateful I am on this side of that darkness. Many unfortunately do not make it to this side of the darkness. Please be in tuned to those ministry leaders you support. To those people you call friends. Watch for warnings of darkness, burn out and compassion fatigue. Be a true friend and don’t accept their answer of “I’ll be ok” or “it’ll be ok.”

If you are a ministry leader and have never heard of compassion fatigue, please look into it. Here is a link to a test by the  Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©

**if you are in ministry and don’t feel you have any one to talk to please reach out to someone**

If you are a Ministry Leader and would like my husband and I to pray for you please fill out this form.

 

She doesn’t want your pity

Rob and I met Jamie in the early 2000’s, when she showed up on our door step with a little girl in a car carrier and pregnant with her son.  She will tell you within 30 minutes my husband had her in tears.  jamie-and-jaz-zoo

Not because he or I were condemning her, but because we were telling her that she was worthy of a life different than what she thought or saw at that point.

In the years to come we would walk with her in relationship, be Gramma Meredith and Grandaddy Rob to her kids.  I still remember walking through Wal-mart and her son, who was an infant was crying uncontrollably and unconscionable. We would quickly realize that baby peaches were NOT his friend. ian

Over the past 13 years Jamie has loved her children well as a single parent.  She does not look for peoples pity, and actually her pride keeps her from asking for help.  In December 2008, Jamie fell ill with bilateral pneumonia and was hospitalized, 3 days later her legs no longer worked.

That was the first of 5 times she has had to relearn to walk.

It took the doctors until August 201o, but finally she was diagnosed with MS.

Over the years she would work as much as she could but then the pain, and stress would get the best of her and her body would shut down again.

Some would say she was faking.

Others would say “oh poor baby”, but Jamie did not complain.

She would walk her kids to school using her walker. She would make sure they were getting the best education.  All the while her MS would flair up, whenever it decided (arms being paralyzed for weeks on end and legs not working properly for 6-9 months). She had put in the paperwork for disability, but MS is very hard to get on disability for, is what she was told, so she worked when she could and lived very frugally.

And if her MS was not enough, her daughter and son both fell ill.  Ian’s diagnosis is Crohn’s and with dietary restrictions he fairs pretty well.  Jazzy, after many hospital visits and stays, they finally found chronic intestinal pseudo-obstruction.

homeless-2012

Jamie and the kids at AtG’s Annual Christmas Dinner for men at Room in the Inn

In 2013, a van was donated to the ministry and who else would benefit so much from a vehicle but Jamie. The coolest part of the story;van-2013 this vehicle was donated by a high school teacher, and Jamie had actually had him as a teacher.  He was so thrilled that she was the recipient, because he always knew she would do great things.

After Jazzy got released from the hospital, the doctors ok’d   Jamie to surprise the kids and take them to Florida.    While there they slept in the van on the beach…just a big slumber party. Jamie quickly realized that the warmth and  sun did everyone a lot of good. She searched out an apartment and a job.  She came home to announce that at the end of the school year they would leave for Florida.

Upon moving to Florida everything fell apart and they ended up living in their van on the beach.

She did not give up.

She preservers.

She finally gets a break and moves into an apartment and has a job.

She is thrilled…. then just when she things are looking up… she ends up wheel chair bound.

During this time many wanted to “fix it” for her.  Many wanted her to move back so we could “take care” of her.  But she stood or in this case “sat” her ground and said, “I know you all love me, but I need to stay here.”

At Christmas last year we went to Florida to just have some fun.  Everyone chipped in and we stocked her cabinets and bought Christmas gifts that I made her wrap.  We went and got pedicures and wheeled her down to the beach.  We cried, we laughed but not once did she ask for pity… she asked that God would allow her to walk again.

Here is a short video of our adventures:

On October 12th this was her Facebook Status:

 Hello, everyone. I just wanted to update everyone. I know I have been gone a long time but it was much needed time away. I will probably only stay on a few days just to catch up with yal and to get numbers to keep in touch in the future. This year has been a really hard year. I truly wasn’t sure if Id ever really walk again. I really had lots of days of being so discouraged, and some of those days I would verbalize out loud where Jaz and Ian would hear and immediately they would respond with “Mommy don’t say that you will walk again.” Then I would wheel myself to my room and cry out to God to please help me. I didn’t want to let my kids down and I did feel like I had started giving up. So I really needed to do some soul searching without distractions. Once I got off FB my therapist and I busted butt. She worked me soooo very hard but she believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. MS isn’t all that know about but its a MONSTER. It doesn’t just affect your central nervous system. It affects every single thing in your body. Its painful everyday and you have to fight every single day. Well in August I finally got out of my wheelchair and onto my walker and as of September I am now not using anything. I still have a little limp but I have come so far with Gods strength and I fight everyday for my 2 beautiful babies. I passed my neuro exam and now back behind the wheel which feels amazing. I know I have had so many people praying for me and I truly appreciate every single one. I still have a ways to go but at least I’m headed back in the right direction. I love yal and hope yal are all doing amazing!!

She sent me this video (October 12th,2016)

Then as she drove her children to school a few weeks ago, a young lady “thought” she could make it, but there was no time to stop and the van was totaled, but once again Jamie did not ask for pity… she did the hard work needed to find just the right vehicle in her price range and God provided.

She finally has jumped through all the hoops of the disability system and prayerfully she should receive her first check by the end of the 1st quarter 2017.

So why this blog?  The only “disability” I have is, I deal with food allergies and PTSD.  I have a husband who has provided for our family for the past 32 years and when adversity hits me…. I start to cry out “why me?”  I don’t have even half of the perseverance that Jamie does.

I teach every week about obtaining goals and I hear all the excuses you can imagine.  Jamie has modeled when it comes to having a goal,  get rid of all your “distractions” so you can focus on your end result.

She knows she has many long days ahead of her so if she comes to mind keep her in your prayers.

As you strive to reach your goals and doubt and fear start to creep in… remember this young single mom who has once again has had to relearn to walk 5 times, and after being wheelchair ridden for 9 months is now WALKING.