Month: December 2016

How do you see yourself today?

I have been teaching about life transformation for the past 14 years.  I have taught in Jails, Prisons, Halfway houses, Crisis Pregnancy Centers, Low income neighborhoods, and homeless shelters. Every time I teach, I learn something new about myself, which in itself is funny, because I wrote the curriculum I teach.

A question in week 2 of the foundational piece, called New Beginnings, is “In all honesty, how do you see yourself today”.

As a teacher you can usually ask the question and never think about it yourself. That is until God asks you to answer that question.

Last year, after reading the book One Word, my word was “worthy”.

As we are ending 2016 and starting 2017 I want to share my experience into finding myself “worthy” and how God would not let me rest until I worked through the demons of my past.

In every week of the foundational piece of the 180 Curriculum, we have goal sheets.  These goal sheets look like this

Basically, you have a goal that you want to reach.  Then you break it down into bite size pieces, so that you can first celebrate the small accomplishments. Second stay on track. Third, if that goal is going to take longer, you move it to the following week and make more bite sized goals from it.

The reason I came up with this format was because my father started working with computers, when computers only operated when you used a flow chart to get to the end result.  To me, it was like the ‘Aha’ moment, “I can reach my goals, if I just break them down.”

After teaching this for all these years, I realized that I sabotaged my goals and here is why. It was a learned behavior.  Let me explain.

Growing up I wanted to tryout for basketball.  I was so excited. I practiced and the day was finally here. I was ready to stay after school when the call came in, it was from my step-father.  “You had better not stay after,” I was told, “you will not like the consequences.”

A couple of years later, I was so excited.  I was going to try out to be a majorette in the high school marching band. I had my routine all prepared and I was so excited to stay after and try out when… the phone call came in. “You had better not stay after,” I was told, “you will not like the consequences.”

If you take these two major events in my life and couple it with the dysfunction that was going on in the home, I was being told that I would never amount to anything.  I was also told that no one would ever want to hear what I had to say, this was priming me for sabotaging my goals and success.

Even though I left that home and started my own family, those words were a part of my psyche.

Even into my marriage, there was a certain man who would jokingly talk about how I could have done better than my husband. Adding even more to the insecurity of my worthiness.  Unfortunately this person was someone that I saw a lot, and was respected in his position of authority in the Church.

Then came another man  of authority who through his lack of words to me and more by his actions, stated that I should not start a non-profit, that it wouldn’t succeed, and that my husband needed to go back to work and support his family.

It was not until 2016, as I started this journey on my one word “worthy” that I realized how unworthy I really felt, especially when it came to men in authority, especially those in Church authority and that were respected by many, but when it came to how I was treated by them, they added to my feeling of being unworthy.

I am so excited to say that as I have worked through my demons, I have called meetings with men in authority this past quarter and have walked out of those meetings feeling like I do matter and I do have a voice.

God has given me an ability to be an advocate.  To be a woman of God, who will push forth His agenda on teaching transformational living and leadership.

Now, we enter 2017… and my new word is “Overcomer”, and I can’t wait to see what God does with that.

 

 

 

I didn’t cheat that much Part 2

This is how part 1 ended:

This was a conscious choice that I made to cheat on my food allergy diet, it not a medical condition like asthma. It is 100% a choice of  living in denial, that my excuse, “I can cheat just a little, because it doesn’t affect anyone but me.”

Because of my conscious choice of “cheating”, it affected me by being sick even thinking I may not make it through the night.

But it also affected my husband because he took care of me.  It also affected our budget.  We do not have $500 of indispensable income.  It also affected my daughter because today, she wanted me to go shopping with her.  It also affected an out of town visitor and her children, because we were not able to see them again while they were visiting and I had promised her son I would cook and bake with him.

I know that there will be things that I accidently eat (ie while traveling and not getting all the ingredients in the spices or sauces).

But today, I choose not to cheat on purpose.

Today I still have to live with the consequences of cheating since Thanksgiving.

Just today I have spent $270.  Earlier this week I spent almost $100 on a chiropractic appointment and vitamins.  A week and half ago we spent over $100 on other “Natural products”.

So this “choice to cheat” cost almost $500 out of pocket expense…just because I said “it’s not that bad.  I didn’t cheat that much and it will only affect me.”

I am the co-author of a program called The 180 Program. In the foundational piece called New Beginnings  week 4 is on Excuses.  In this week we look at all the people that you make excuses for and all the people that make excuses for you.  We also look at a cycle of what happens when we allow others and ourselves to stay in that cycle of excuse making also known as living in denial.

As we enter 2017, I have a serious question:

Are you ready to get off the cycle of insanity? You have to do it for you! If you do it for anyone else, it will not become a new behavior you are invested in for you and only you.

Are you ready to say NO MORE EXCUSES?

 

 

Feel free to download the sample week 4 and do the work. I would love to hear your feedback.

 

I didn’t cheat that much

In 2011, I woke up and couldn’t walk without excruciating pain radiating through my body.  I called my chiropractor and asked if he could get me in because I needed to be “fixed”, so I could enjoy my weekend with all my sister-in-laws in Texas in just a few short days.  He said “Yes, can you come right away?”

“I can come as  soon as my morning commitments are over, will that be ok?”  I was catering a luncheon for one of our local schools.

I hobbled in and he told me to lay on the table.  He went through the normal reflexology items and did a few adjustments.

“Meredith, your back was a little out of alignment. But, I really want to check your nutrition.”

I responded with, “thanks, but there is nothing wrong with my nutrition.”

I left and finished my day, which included a run to Sonic for a Route 44 Cherry Limeade. Dinner included a pasta dish, with extra cheese, bread sticks, and a large Coke with a few refills.

I woke up the next morning feeling worse than the day before, but I still made a run to Sonic for breakfast, (Sausage, Egg and Cheese croissant, with hash browns and a Route 44 Cherry Limeade) becuase I was running late for the 2nd day of luncheon catering, this time for another school.

By the time the food was out, I was in so much pain that my friend kept telling me to leave and go get myself looked at.

I took her advice and called my chiropractor and jokingly said “you have 30 minutes to fix me, I need to get on a plane to Texas.”

 After doing a few tests, he left the room and when he came back he said “Meredith, have you ever considered a total water fast for the rest of your life?” Within the hour, I was walking out of the chiropractor’s office wanting to cry.

I left that day, knowing that my body did not like food.  And that if I wanted to start walking without pain, then I would have to make some changes.

Over the next month or so, I stopped crying every time I went to the grocery store; I only cried when I wanted to find something new to eat.

My final diagnosis,  NO MORE:

  • GLUTEN
  • CORN (or any byproduct ie High Fructose CORN syrup or CORN syrup, Corn flour, etc… you get the point)
  • DAIRY
  • EGG whites
  • and PEANUTS (or anything made with Peanuts)

Over the years I had learned that I could cheat, or at least I thought so, except for Peanuts. My Peanut allergy is not bad enough that I need an epipen, but I do carry Benadryl and I stay away from Peanuts and anything cooked in peanut oil.

At the end of last year, I was tired of following my diet. How bad could it be? So what if I get a Migraine from the Corn syrup, the Gluten, is not that bad.. just a feeling that my hands are swollen when I wake up.

There it was, a Krispy Kreme Glazed Cream filled donut… how bad can it be?  Within a minute, the headache came on, no biggie… I am used to that symptom. A small migraine was my common side-effect if I happen to not see there was corn syrup in something.  Then I started tripping and I was dizzy.  This went on for the entire day.  I even tripped trying to get out of my van that night, 8 hours later.

NO, it can’t be a symptom…. oh yes it can….  a side-effect of a Gluten intolerance.

That was scary.  I learned my lesson.  No more Krispy Kreme or any food item filled with that much gluten and corn for me. I started to really watch my gluten and corn intake.

So why this post as we enter 2017… this year I have been sicker than I want to admit. It started in February, then in June, September and now today.

In February, I know what started the Bronchitis like symptoms, I got a head cold/flu.

But in June, I made excuses because I did not want to think that my dairy allergy could be the culprit.

September, I still had a rattle, but I said “Oh, I had a little ranch dressing, I’ll be fine”.

not-feeling-wellBut these past weeks… My excuses included:

Oh, I’ll be fine.

It definitely could not be a dairy allergy.

I have been doing so well.

Come on what do you want? It has been Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[ctt template=”8″ link=”61d0C” via=”yes” ]I didn’t cheat that much. #foodallergies #glutenfree #dairyfree @duffy66[/ctt]

I go get all the Natural Products I can. Teas, Vitamins, etc… but last night as I laid on the couch trying to sleep, praying that God would allow me to get to the doctors office… praying my doctor would actually be open, the day after Christmas.

 With every breath, less and less was getting into my lungs.

I got up every 4 hours and made a Breathe Easy tea. The warmth of the coffee cup on my chest, seemed to open up my airways so I could breathe.  Finally, 8am rolled around, my doctor will not be in till tomorrow.  The Vanderbilt walk-in clinic is open. I get ready and my husband drives me over there.

Just sign-in and we will call you up.

A few minutes later, my name was called. Ma’am you do understand there is about a 55 minute wait. I nodded in between coughs gave her all the information and then went and sat down.

After sitting a waiting, my name was finally called.  The Nurse Practitioner came in a few minutes later and started to put the stethoscope up to my chest and said

“wow, you get the prize for being the weaziest.  I am going to give you a steroid shot and a steroid pack. You will also have a breathing treatment and go home with an inhaler and cough medicine and cough pills.” breathing-treatment

The Nurse Practitioner, was talking about a reactive airway. Something triggers the inflammation and before you know it… you are here. But what could be your trigger?  My amazing husband kept saying “can a dairy allergy cause it?” To which I kept saying “I have cheated that much.”.

The entire time I kept lying to myself by saying, ” I didn’t cheat that much.” God kept gently reminding me of how much I did cheat since Thanksgiving.

I started reading up on reactive airways and dairy allergies.  As I kept reading, I found out how quickly bronchial airways can become inflamed and death can be the result.

Death… or a Choice to Cheat?  For me it could have the same outcome.

I have been saying for the past 5 years, “mine (food allergies) aren’t that bad and I can cheat a little. Well after these past few days and more so, last night wondering if I would wake up, I have a major choice to make.”

You see, it is still a choice.  I have been living in denial that my dairy allergy is NOT THAT BAD… so I would cheat.

We live in a First world country and I can get to the doctor for a breathing treatment to open back up my airways.

Right?

Wrong?

Why do I want to put my body through this?

This was a conscious choice that I made to cheat on my food allergy diet, it not a medical condition like asthma. It is 100% a choice of  living in denial, that my excuse, “I can cheat just a little, becuase it doesn’t affect anyone but me.”

Because of my conscious choice of “cheating”, it affected me by being sick even thinking I may not make it through the night.

But it also affected my husband because he took care of me.  It also affected our budget.  We do not have $500 of indispensable income.  It also affected my daughter because today, she wanted me to go shopping with her.  It also affected an out of town visitor and her children, because we were not able to see them again while they were visiting and I had promised her son I would cook and bake with him.

I know that there will be things that I accidently eat (ie while traveling and not getting all the ingredients in the spices or sauces).

But today, I choose not to cheat on purpose.

Today I still have to live with the consequences of cheating since Thanksgiving.

Just today I have spent $270.  Earlier this week I spent almost $100 on a chiropractic appointment and vitamins.  A week and half ago we spent over $100 on other “Natural products”.

So this “choice to cheat” cost almost $500 out of pocket expense…just because I said “it’s not that bad.  I didn’t cheat that much and it will only affect me.”