Month: February 2019

Don’t Wait for Tomorrow… it may never come

As he pulled out of the driveway part of her died.  She was only a kid and didn’t understand why they couldn’t get along. Even though she was grateful he took her calls during the day, she knew there would be hell to pay if she was ever caught. Day’s turned to years before she would see him again. But finally the time had come.  She was able to date. Her first date took her to see him. She was 16. Knowing it was too risky their meetings were few are far between. Again days turned into years. The time had finally come and she was free. She made the call and they were going to meet again.

 

This past weekend I received a 6am wake-up call that I never wish upon anyone.  “I have rushed your dad to the hospital. He is having chest pains.”

Just the day before we were sitting on the dock, laughing at the events of the past week.  A boat ride across the causeway, a yacht, a huge wave. A wall of water on both sides of the boat that eventually ended up in the boat.  Drenched they started to laugh as they hadn’t had to pay the price of admission to Disney’s water park.

Now laying in a hospital bed waiting in the hallway because the ER is so full there are no more rooms. Almost 32 hours later, he is rolled into the surgical room. They are going to explore and be ready to put in a stent if need be. Doctors aren’t 100% there is a need, but with the instance of the patient, they go ahead.  2 hours later they come to the waiting room to get us. Not one but 3 stents later.

How bad? He was just having a little chest pain.  2 were 90% blocked and 1 was 95% blocked.

I have to excuse myself. I lose it.  How can this be? Then I start to get mad. “God, I just moved here.  Don’t take him home yet. I am just now getting back all those years I lost.”

I have had every wave of emotion in the past 48 hours.

The scripture says: We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
James 4:13-14 NIV

 

Don’t wait another day to make amends.

Don’t wait another day to call a long lost friend.

Don’t wait another day to reunite with your family if it is possible.

Don’t get to tomorrow and say “I should have…..”

Do make today count.

My prayer life was much more like a business meeting

“No you can’t go!”

“But they are here to pick me up and you said I could go.”

“So! I changed my mind. You can’t go.”

I knew better than to argue. I would go back to my room and spend my evening alone.

This was a fear I grew up with while living in the same home with my step-father.

I grew up conditioned not to just be on my best behavior, but to manipulate what I needed, so that when I needed something, my guarantee of not just getting a yes but actually being able to go to the “event”, was probable. Now let me explain, because that sounds really bad, but basically if I wanted to do something with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I knew that I needed to not only be on my best behavior but also to stay “hidden” as much as possible.  I also knew that if I had to have a conversation or be in the same room with “him”, then I needed to be so sweet that there was no way he could hold anything against me.

Here is the problem with that, I took this conditioning not only into my marriage, (which will be a blog/podcast for another time) but I also took it into my relationship with God.  I didn’t realize how bad I was conditioned until the other day, (and yes I mean the other day). I was thinking through a prayer I had and as I was going through a mental checklist that said, “if I do this, then God will give me this response. If I do that, then He’ll really be able to give me this part of the prayer.”

I sat there thinking, going through my mental checklist to make sure I had done and “manipulated” everything in my favor so that there would be no way He could say no.  As I sat there I heard God say, “you do know I don’t work that way, right?

As I have been pondering and thinking through this conversation with God, I realized how much I have made my prayers about what can I get. How can I get it? And what do I need to get it?  Humiliated at the fact that I had reduced God to this earthly idea of a father figure, I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me.

Now understand prayer, for me is a vital part of my daily worship. I journal. I pray. I even pray short little breath prayers throughout the day, but what I hadn’t realized until the other day, is that my prayer life has been very one sided and how can I manipulate my actions to get God through prayer to benefit me.

The other day as I was reading there were 3 examples given for something else but I think it fits perfectly how I have been feeling and man did the lightbulb go on for me. Is your prayer life like going into a business meeting with someone you cannot stand? You are just there because you have to be and to get what you want out of the deal? OUCH!  The second idea was having lunch with a good friend. You share a little but you are still guarded with what and how much you share.  You know you don’t want it out there on the gossip chain encased as a prayer request.

 

And the third was you are in love. You cannot wait to share your day, your life, your everything!

So which one of these describes your prayer life? Are you in a business meeting? Are you having lunch with a good friend? Or are you talking to the person you are in love with and cannot wait to spend time with?

I am a work in progress. I will not be prefect I go home, but while I am here on this earth, I want to make the most of my worship to God, through my prayer time. I want to adore Him, not because of what He can do for me but because of who He is.

 

*** you can also hear this on my podcast 

New Beginnings Podcast