How my past affects my present

As I continue my journey of Renewing my Mind

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

 

and asking God to show me His truth versus the lies I have lived with for many years, today I had another Aha moment.

Fear of Rejection and or Abandonment. 

I realized that another learned behavior of mine is fear.

For this blog I want to talk about the fear of abandonment and rejection.

As I was reading this morning it said that when you  have this fear of abandonment and rejection then you are susceptible to looking for a meaningful identity outside of a true and complete relationship with God.

As I was praying I found God saying, “I need to you to read that in regards to all aspects of your life, not just as words written on a page.”

Immediately I saw how this fear could allow people to get into relationships that are abusive.  My immediate thought was of those who get into domestic abuse situations, but God said, “look beyond.”

As I was pondering this, I was taken to a post I had written earlier called “who are you hitching your cart to?”

It became clear that God wanted me to see that because of a fear of abandonment and rejection, that I was still carrying with me from years ago, I was making business decisions based upon the lens of my past.  You see when you have abandonment and rejection as part of your story, you may put your blinders on not just in personal relationships, but also in business relationships in order to find a meaningful identity.  The red flags may be so obvious that a toddler even knows there is danger, but because of your lens of the past, you push them to the side and run even faster in order to be accepted by someone; anyone.

Just last week I was talking with a friend and recounting how many times I have prayed, no scratch that, I told God what I thought was best and then made the plans to do my plan. I told this young lady that I have learned that sometimes God allows you to have it your way, because He is tired of listening to you whine about it.

Today, I have come to realize that maybe it wasn’t God giving in, it was me looking for a meaningful identity outside of a true and complete relationship with God.

I know I also need to thank God that He did not leave me nor forsake me even in my pursuit of trying to find my identity in something else besides Him.

So as I pray through my “action plan” for 2018, I have a new filter: Does this bring me closer or farther away from my identity in God?

Satan will no longer take me hostage

 

 

I suffer from Asthma which is induced by food allergies. Over the past few years, I went from “yes you have food allergies, but you should be able to add things back into your diet; to I am sorry, now you can’t have… and the list gets added to.

To date I have to stay away from:

  • Gluten
  • Dairy
  • Eggs
  • Corn
  • Soy
  • Safflower/ Sunflower
  • Refined sugars
  • Peanuts

 

I have had doctors tell me:

Your body needs to rest

You need to heal

You are too stressed out

You have adrenal fatigue.

You need to take care of you.

 

So for the past few months, I have tried to lay low and to care for myself, especially when I was told, “you need to get rid of the stress or the stress will get rid of you.”

I was also told during this time that my food allergies may be the result of stress.

In reality though, I did not understand what any of that meant. No one was banging down my door to tell me what to do in a way that I understood it, so I muddled through the best I could.

It became apparent that I needed to figure out something because my asthma attacks were getting more and more frequent. So we made arrangements to change the way we did ministry; allowing me to REST.

But problems can become apparent when you allow your body to REST.  You may find out there are more layers of UNREST below and it rises to the surface.

This happened on October 7th.  I was teaching in my hometown in Michigan.  I did not think anything of it, but I guess my body did.  By the time the training was over, my neck was hurting.  It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep well, I had to hold my head to turn it while I was laying down and I had to hold the back of my neck just to swallow without pain.

By Wednesday I was in so much pain that I finally went to the Urgent Care Clinic.  I needed relief.  I still had one more training before I would be able to get home.   The Doctor said there was nothing wrong with me medically, but my neck was in knots, so she gave me a steroid shot, a prescription for a major steroid, a muscle relaxer and sent me on my way.

I was grateful for modern medicine but I also knew that I needed my chiropractor back home.

The rest of the trip went OK thanks to the steroids, but as soon as I was done with them and they were out of my system, it was back to the same level of pain.

I got in to see my chiropractor that week, he adjusted my neck and it started to feel a little better.

On October 24th, it was flared up and I was living on the muscle relaxers and pain relievers, so back to the chiropractor I went. As the doctor started checking me, he adjusted my back and did a few things through reflexology, but he never adjusted my neck.  He sat me up, looked at me and said “Meredith, there is nothing wrong with your neck. It is all stress related.  It is what I call a psychosomatic response. It’s all in your head.”

What? No! There has to be a medical reason.  Food allergy.  Something.  Not a psychosomatic response.  I was working so hard for the past few months to reduce my stress, because this is the same doctor who told me that if I did not reduce my stress, it would be reduced for me when my body shut down.

As I was on my way home, I texted my mom, “The verdict is in… its stress”.   When I was in Michigan earlier that month she told me it sounded like stress, and I answered, I have no stress.

The rest of the evening Rob and I started talking through things.  My childhood. Our marriage.

As we were talking, I wouldn’t have to say yes or no that did or did not bother me, my body did it for me. These talks turned into me having an ugly cry face, but I went to bed that night for the first time in 17 days and slept pain free.

You see I am really good at helping others figure out their life. Over the past 15 years, I have been working on myself, but only in a form of teaching and using my story to free others.  In September I was given a self-study that was geared toward healing my body.

On November 16th, a blog came out about what self care really means. Click here to read it

In this blog there were a couple of things that stood out. The main thing was:

 “how much (anxiety) comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.”

In our program we teach on this very thing, but we don’t put this way.  For whatever reason, this statement hit me like a lead balloon.  I got out my journal and started thinking through her statement with The 180 Programs diagrams and my past.  Listening to the lies of satan through the voice of my step dad.  I believed what he said about me then and unfortunately I was allowing his words to shape my current thinking.

As I read and re-read the blog, I realized I was allowing the antics of satan to tell me that I was not good enough and that I was not being healed because I did not have enough faith.  I was also allowing my “lens of life” to be one that unfortunately still had the blurred lines of lies that I was trained to believe.

The day after I read this, I was able to journal my thoughts and feelings, God brought a woman into my life and she led me in a one-on-one prayer of self-reflection.  During this prayer time I was directed to events that were troublesome. I was then directed to just talk it out.  When I was finished talking, she would ask Jesus to tell me where He was in all of this.  What were the lies. Where was the truth?  As I sat in the room with a total stranger, I wept until I could cry no more, but I felt free.

For quite a while I have been praying for healing.  I was asking for healing from my food allergies… but what I realized was God healed me from something greater.

When I woke up this morning, I realized I was happy.  I have been asking God to make me happy in my journal for a long time.  I had not realized how many lies I was still allowing to engulf my daily life. I was still allowing satan to take me hostage in my own thought life.  It was subtle, but I realized how I framed my questions, how I framed statements, how I allowed the voices from my past to become the lens I walked my daily life through, and they were keeping me in bondage of fear.

Today I choose to walk with a renewed mind.  I will work to see myself through lenses of a loving Jesus.  He may choose to allow something bad to happen again, in fact I’m sure I will face difficulties, but I will not let those events be the lens that I filter my tomorrow through.

I have a choice and so do you.

Asthma, do I have any less Faith?

For the past couple of years I have struggled with asthmatic symptoms.

At times it has gotten so bad that I would sit in a chair all night sipping hot tea or black coffee just to keep my airways open until I could reach an urgent care facility in the morning. You see my flair ups never happen during regular business hours. 


Recently,  I was told it was a stronghold on me and I needed to find out what it was in my past that was creating the asthma. 

As much as I agree with strongholds and how much havoc they can create in our human bodies; I also know that sometimes God allows us to keep our “thorn”, and we must learn what it means to rely on Gods strength. Paul is a great example in 2 Corinthians 12 he says this:

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong….

So what if God does not supernaturally heal me?

Do I have any less faith?

Do I quit praying?

Do I quit seeking?

As I was doing a study that was to help guide me through breaking free from whatever it is that is creating my allergies and the asthma, I became very disheartened by the fact they pulled scriptures out of context to say the least.

But just like God does, He wanted me to see something else;  as I was doing this study, it referenced  Mark 11:23 it says:

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.  “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.

Sounds amazing right? I was thinking I am going to start reciting this day and night back to the Lord… It’s a promise and I am going to stand on it. But just as God does, He said continue reading.

Mark 11:24-25 says:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.  And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

You see we want the promise without the work.  For me I was mentally preparing my list.. And I was like “yep, I am good”…until I was preparing to write a blog for another website.

As I was writing, I realized I was still holding grudges about a lost childhood, how I was hurt by the church and even bitterness I didn’t know I had. I was allowing satan, even 2, 3, 4, and 5 decades later to still pull the chains.

To me it wasn’t a in your face blatant “hold against you”… It was more about holding onto nuggets of my past so that I could use my story to reach more people. That doesn’t sound so bad.. Right?

Let me explain.  We are hearing more and more “we all have a story to tell”, but when we re-create the story to be more focused on the negative it created versus the positive that came from it, we allow satan to have power over our thoughts which turn into words.  By allowing Satan to have power over our thoughts, we are holding onto the past and not allowing ourselves the freedom to say to that mountain “Go through yourself into the sea, and it will be done”.

So I have a choice today as I tell my story, do I give satan the privilege of allowing the negative words to be heard?

If I do, this could create a victim mindset support group where no one heals, but continually lives the past in order to “hold against” the people and ultimately the Lord.

Catch 22

This is a repost from my old blog site (the180program.blogspot.com) but it has been my heart recently as I have seen once again people who are giving up becuase they think its easier or its the only way.

The truth is……

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way…

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram “debilitating mentalities”.  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don’t want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe (usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities…. She is hearing….

“You did something to deserve this”

“No one will believe you because you’re just a prostitute”.

“You call the police, they won’t believe you, look at your rap sheet”.

So the truth is….. Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of “healthy people”, walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when “their excuses” are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they “slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors”… To not judge so harshly that you say “screw this, you’re not worth my time”, and walk away.

Your relationship may change, but we don’t add to the shame by saying “I knew you’d mess up.  I knew you couldn’t do it”.

That does not help anyone get healthy.

If you are someone who is walking in relationship with someone that fits this model, and you would like more information on how to effectively minister to them please fill out the following form:

Road Closed!!!

This was originally written on July 19, 2014 on my old blog site at the180program.blogspot.com. This was a very dark time for me personally and unfortunately I could not speak to many about it, becuase it was better to put on a mask and fake it than it was for the truth to be known.  Today though I am very grateful to be able to say I am on the other side of it; and my body is still in the healing process. 

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week, if you watch my news feed on Facebook,  you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer, and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to “fix it” yourself….Yep I am there.

 

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?
How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all!
But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.
Be strong, all you people still left in the land.
And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today?

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed.

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Version Mine 

If this spoke to you and you would like me to pray for you, fill out the form below with your request.

The Very First Single Mom

Over the years Rob and I have had many women walk in and out of our lives.

Lately, though I have been thinking about the very first single mom who walked into our lives.

I can see us pulling up to the gas station on Briley Parkway waiting for her to walk up from the hill with her belongings in tow.

I can still see her sitting at the glass topped, wrought iron white kitchen table in our 2 bedroom apartment at the corner of Nolensville Rd and Ocala Drive, she was showing me her senior picture and rubbing her baby bump as we spoke.  We did not have much and had only been married a short time, but we did have an extra bed.

She shared a room with our little girl who was only a year herself.  We did what we could to help her as she had chosen life.  I took her to appointments and we waited patiently for that day to come where we would rush her to the hospital so she could deliver her baby.

That day finally came in the middle of the night.  Off to the hospital she and I went.  We were left to ourselves for the most part.  There was no birthing room for this mom. No friendly chatter from friends or family… just the beeps from the machines in a dark, windowless, tiny room that only fit a bed, a hard chair, like you would find at a conference and the needed machines. I found myself trying to get comfortable, as I was told this could take a while. Even though I was a mother, I would not know how long it was about to take, because my daughter decided she needed to (as the doctor said) come out the window.  I showed up at 6am and was prepped for surgery by 10am and by 10:21, my first born had made her appearance.

The time had come, the nurse walked in and said “Lets go have this baby”.  They put up the side rails, unlocked the wheels and off we went.  We were in the hallway about to enter an area of the hospital called the “Delivery Room”, when from behind us we heard a voice calling her name.

The nurse stops, and the bed comes to a stop in the middle of the hallway.  This person is starting to say things like, I am sorry I was not here for you, but now I am.

The nurse looks at her and then says, “you can only have one person, who will it be?”

I choose her.

They wheeled her through the double doors, along with her longtime friend by her side.  The doors closed and that was the last time we ever laid eyes on her again.

I don’t have a clue if the baby was a boy or a girl.  I don’t have a clue where she went when she left the hospital.

Over the years I think of her often, I even still have her senior picture on my desk.  The baby would be reaching the 30 year old mark.  I wonder if he or she went to school.  If he or she got married or even has kids themselves.

I believe that God allows me to go through things, to feel things, to even witness things in order to make me a better servant for Him.  But I have to say, for the first time in 30 years, as I was thinking back on our time with her, that I felt a strong sense of longing, like I think I would if I had given my child up for adoption.

I cannot explain this longing nor can I explain the why?  Except that God has recently brought to mind the need for more families and churches to get involved in the lives of women who choose life, to walk with them in relationship not just through the pregnancy, but also for as long as God asks you to so that she and the baby know that: You are my masterpiece created anew in Christ Jesus so you can do the good things God planned for you long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

You saved my life for this?

After a recent conversation with a mom, we wanted to share her thoughts with the world.  

As much as I want to say thank you for stopping my mother that day, I have to ask you why?

Because you stopped her, she brought me into a life of dysfunction. She was only a child herself. 

I remember her telling me how she was headed into the clinic that Saturday morning. There were men and women lining the sidewalk, telling her this was not the answer.  But then you, you smiled and said “if you don’t go through with this, I will help you.”  I don’t know if it was your smile or the fact that she really wanted to change and have a life…whatever the reason, she did not go through with the abortion that day. You saved my life. I wish I could say thank you, but I want to know why?

Where were you when I received my first bruises?  They were not seen, but they were there and I still feel them today.  You see, every time we had to pack up and move, I never knew where she would be or who was picking me up from daycare.

Through her tears she would talk about you and how often you were there before I was born.  You would answer her phone calls and even take her out for coffee.  But I don’t remember you.  You were gone shortly after I was brought home from the hospital. As my mom tells me, you stopped answering her calls when you found out she was going home with “him.” I wish you would have asked her “Why?” You see, it was the only place she could go, she was not going to live on the street with a newborn. As crazy as this sounds, HE was the best option she had.  And now I live with the guilt that it was my fault. My mom reminded me of that often.

The bruises became bigger as I got older. I know mom wanted to change. She said she wanted to do something better with her life, but she didn’t know how.  I do remember that one time she was excited because a local church was starting a new program.  That excitement quickly faded when mom found out it was during the day, no child care was offered and none of her family would watch me so she could better her life. So back to “his” house we went; and yes I know mom, it was my fault.  Why, dear lady, did no one ever intervene when the black and blue marks showed up all over my body?

Why did you save my life that day?  Why did you intervene just to let me live in dysfunction? Was I not worthy enough to have a chance at a life?

Now I sit here repeating the only life I have ever known and I refuse to allow my little girl to go through what I did. The moving from place to place, the constant abuse, having her touched by men after I go to sleep because we need a place to stay for the night.

I refuse. She will not live with the fear of never knowing where we will live tomorrow or if I will be coming home. And I will not change my mind based upon a promise of someone who doesn’t even know my story. I’ve been down that road and look where it got me.

Nope, this will not be my daughter. She will not go through everything I did.  I will not bring her into this world, based on a promise of help.  I’ve seen your kind help and I know you can’t be trusted to do anything more than stop the abortion.

Congratulations you saved my life for this.

 

Not just another Sunday Sermon

Today’s sermon was not just another Sunday sermon, but rather an address by Bishop Kendall of the Free Methodist Church and secondly by Brad, the Superintendent of the Eastern Michigan Conference of the Free Methodist to celebrate the 125th birthday of Owosso Free Methodist.

Bishop Kendall told of the history of the Free Methodist Church and how we were FREE to worship in the Spirit but also to make to world free by knowing the One who can make you really FREE.
He also talked about as a people group we need to

  • Understand the story
  • Play our part in the story
  • Contribute to the story so that the story continues.

Superintendent Brad then got up and had us turn to Joshua 1 where you find this passage.

After the death of Moses the LORD’s servant, the LORD spoke to Joshua son of Nun, who had served Moses: “Moses My servant is dead. Now you and all the people prepare to cross over the Jordan to the land I am giving the Israelites. I have given you every place where the sole of your foot treads, just as I promised Moses. Your territory will be from the wilderness and Lebanon to the great Euphrates River–all the land of the Hittites–and west to the Mediterranean Sea. No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. I will be with you, just as I was with Moses. I will not leave you or forsake you.

As we were reading this I realized that this is the promise of the Lord for their obedience. But then it goes on to give us another command.

 “Be strong and courageous, for you will distribute the land I swore to their fathers to give them as an inheritance.  This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.  Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

 
This part of Joshua got me thinking about how many times we, ok maybe this is just for me, I  complain when things aren’t going the way I want or maybe I see others receiving blessings when I know (or at least I think I know) I deserve it more than they.  But God, just as God does had me sit here for a moment, so I could check my heart.

Then he had us follow the story into Joshua 3:

Joshua started early the next morning and left the Acacia Grove with all the Israelites. They went as far as the Jordan and stayed there before crossing.  After three days the officers went through the camp and commanded the people: “When you see the Ark of the Covenant of the LORD your God carried by the Levitical priests, you must break camp and follow it.  But keep a distance of about 1,000 yards between yourselves and the ark. Don’t go near it, so that you can see the way to go, for you haven’t traveled this way before.”

Brad went on to talk about the fact that in the Old Testament you had the Ark of the Covenant to show you the way because: “for you haven’t traveled this way before.”   God pricked my heart that today because we don’t have the physical Ark which represented the presence of God, we do have a guide and that is the Holy Spirit.

Superintendent Brad, went on in the Joshua to read:

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.” Then he said to the priests, “Take the Ark of the Covenant and go on ahead of the people.” So they carried the Ark of the Covenant and went ahead of them. The LORD spoke to Joshua: “Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, so they will know that I will be with you just as I was with Moses. Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

“Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.”

Consecrate yourselves… do we, again do I consecrate myself so that the LORD will do wonders among me tomorrow? Or do I just want God to do His part without the obedience of my part? Because if we go back to Joshua 1 it clearly states that I must:  “This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.” 

And I know many will say we live in the New Testament time… and you are correct but God has clearly been reminding me that in Matthew 5, Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.  Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”

Joshua then goes on to say: “…Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

Did you know that LEADERS are to get their feet wet? Now this was not surprise to me, because I know that when leaders lead by example, those who follow will have an easier time doing the same.  Actually my husband Rob (www.RW Kendall.com) wrote a great blog called “Where you lead from the pulpit, people will follow from the pew).

But what I did not realize is that:

“Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest.” Joshua 3:15

I am not sure what you know about water flowing during a “flood stage”, but as someone whose home flooded once and backyard flooded a few times, watching water rushing and knowing if you step foot out of the safe distance zone into the water, the force will sweep you under. And God told the leaders to put their feet in the edge of the water?

Then Superintendent Brad said, “God doesn’t always do things that make sense.”

So what does all this mean to me? Maybe even for you who maybe reading it.

What is God asking you to do for Him?

What excuses are you giving?

 

“Those” Women

As I sat in class I heard her speaking but my mind kept wandering…what about the women like me?

What about the ones who don’t look like you?

What about the ones that have fallen on hard times?

What about the ones who have or are addicted?

My brain snapped back to attention when I heard her say, ” well you have to be worth my time. You have to commit your time to meet with me.”

My thoughts started floating back to all the women God has put in my path who don’t look like me and have different circumstances in their life that I have walked with.

If I used her model of ministry, I am afraid to think of how many missed appointments I would have had, that God would hold me accountable for because I felt my time was more valuable than their growth and eternity.

She did finally talk about those that were “different”, and how excited she was that her and her “girls” we’re able to go and serve “those” women.

“Those” women are NOT a project.

“Those” women have potential too.

“Those” women were created in the image of God.

“Those” women are your neighbor and the ones the Priest and the Levite didn’t have time for either.

New Chapter, Making a Difference

The theme of the conference is Dream Big. We all have dreams and goals, but do we really have the expectation that God is going to answer? Yesterday I kept hearing, “you say you have faith, then why don’t you act upon that faith?”
Am I too much of a realist being a first born and having an “A” type personality? Or growing up having to become self-sufficient at a very early age if I wanted something?
It was also said yesterday, “we are kept from our goals not by obstacles, but by a clearer path to a lesser goal”.

On top of all that has been said, usually if God brings something into my path 3 times I need to listen.

Yesterday at a breakfast for women, the speaker (a man), spoke on Mary and Martha.

He was talking about how Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Here is the story in Luke 10:
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

According to Barnes notes on the Bible
“Sat at Jesus’ feet” – This was the ancient posture of disciples or learners. They sat at the “feet” of their teachers – that is, beneath them, in a humble place. When it is said that Mary sat at Jesus’ feet”, it means that she was “a disciple” of His; that she listened attentively to His instructions, and was anxious to learn His doctrine.
She was welcome at the table, to learn and become “a disciple”.

According to Gotquestions.org
The Greek term for “disciple” in the New Testament is mathetes, which means more than just “student” or “learner.” A disciple is a “follower,” someone who adheres completely to the teachings of another, making them his rule of life and conduct. Jesus’ followers were called “disciples” long before they were ever called “Christians.” Their discipleship began with Jesus’ call and required them to exercise their will to follow Him

Jesus was quite explicit about the cost of following Him. Discipleship requires a totally committed life.

Over the past 15 years I have devoted my life to learning, teaching and pouring into others. A saying was used years ago by a local pastor “making Disciples that make a difference”.

Today, I feel I am on a new mission, because even though God has allowed me to see many people be transformed in the way they live, if I really take a hard look at myself…. I have failed at the second part of the mission God placed me on many years ago….making Disciples that make a difference.

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