In November I started teaching the women at the local homeless shelter. I was excited to be a teacher of Job Readiness and Parenting. The Job Readiness class is about to wrap up and has been very successful. The parenting class though has been a different story.
We started with week 1 and there were 4 women in class but 2 of them had their children with them. When I inquired why these children were not with the rest of the children I was told “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”.
The 2nd week the children were once again in the class, I asked why the children were in the parenting class when a group had come to have a Christmas party with ALL the children. The answer again was “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”. So I proceeded to sit down to teach and the 2 other women, whose children were allowed to participate said, “If there are going to be children in the class, then I won’t come”. They stood up and left.
That night instead of teaching about parenting I told my families story of an unruly teenager. How we had her locked up before her senior year in high school and how she could have chosen to quit after high school. I talked about how she kept plugging away and did graduate just last year with a Bachelor’s Degree. I told them about owning a pizzeria and what I learned there. We were all over the map with discussion and stories, but at the end of the night that group of pre-teens/teens asked if I would teach them about jobs, anger and getting along (basically these were the subjects we touched on during my talk). I was so excited and got approval to come back the following week to teach the teens.
When I walked into the shelter that Tuesday evening I was ushered quickly upstairs to the kids room. They asked “now what is the lowest age group you want?”
What, excuse me? After comprehending that they thought I was here for all the children I said “I am here for just the two families and their children?”
To which I was told “I am sorry but they are not allowed to participate in any activity with the other children”.
As I sat there in this empty room I was overcome with all types of emotions… but the main emotion I felt was sadness. I had let those kids down. I promised I would be back to teach them. I had the relationship with them, and now I was in a room with pre-teens and teens that had NO relationship with me so why would they listen to me.
I quickly decided that God had me here so I was going to make the best of it and figure out the rest later.
A few sat down at the tables, a couple in the chairs up against the wall, and one of the youngest came and sat on the built-in bookshelf right next to me.
We chit chatted for a bit and then we talked about rules and why there are rules.
We talked about anger and how we need to control it. We also talked about things we could do when we got angry that did not include hitting someone or something.
We talked about fathers and relationships with their dads. The youngest one sitting right next to me blurted out “I don’t have a dad, I have a sperm donor”. My heart sank when I heard that, because I knew those were the words of his mother or mother’s family.
I realized that these kids were all angry in their own way. Some have been labeled “trouble makers” and it’s easier to live up to that label than to let someone get close because they don’t know what tomorrow has in store. They did NOT ask to be homeless. Nobody asked them if they wanted their life to have to fit into a locker. Their mothers for whatever reason have chosen to live in this shelter. Their lives are always in a state of flux with no personal space to call their own. If their mother gets angry at a rule she can yank the kids up out of their seats and storm out, not to be let in again til the next day. If their mother happens to find “love” they could find their things at a complete strangers one night and back at the shelter the next because “love” didn’t work. Some are in the shelter because their mother stated it was better to be homeless living in a shelter in Nashville than staying in Michigan or Ohio.
So what’s the answer? Relationships.
Healthy relationships with the moms and the kids.
And where will these relationships come from? The church
If you are interested in becoming a part of the solution please contact us. We will train you and your volunteers. We will give you the tools to allow you to be an in an equipping relationship and make sustainable changes in the lives of hurting families.
