Been there Done That

Seeking Your Well Done

 

 

As this 17 day P1010622trip to the North comes to a close, I have realized that this trip has been bitter sweet.

The sweetness was spending time with family, being able to attend Memorial Day celebrations and birthday parties.

 

 

We also were able to meet up with old friends

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and meet new ones. P1010742

 

And as I was created to do, I was able to teach and minster to people.

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As thP1010806is trip has been also about walking the piers, crossing Lake Michigan on a big boat,

it also has been a time of healing from my past.

 

 

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Therefore Rob and I took lots of walks and I took lots of pictures.

I teach people every day that if you want to relocate, great! Start over, awesome!

But I warn; make sure you are running towards and not away.

Part of my healing from my past, was for me to come back to my hometown and face my demons head on. My demons are part of my story and they are used everyday to help people overcome their past. But as much as I hate to admit it, I do allow my demons to take up too much residence in my present.

Because of my self-confidence in what I teach and more importantly what God created me to do, you would never know. But it’s the fear of failure, the fear of never being good enough that keeps me from achieving that next level that I dream of.

It’s my low self-esteem. It’s the lack of value I see in myself.

So how do I start to change the low self-esteem?

God taught me, on this trip, that my value comes from being a daughter of the most High King. And the only “well done, good and faithful servant” that has any bearing on my value as a person, is that of Gods.

As this trip of training and equipping comes to a close I can’t but wonder what God has in store next?

My question for you is, what do you do to hear from people, “well done”?

Sex before Marriage

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I have been thinking about this for a while and I felt the need to blog about it. Sex before Marriage and the stigma that comes with that especially in the realm of Church and Christianity.

I have been to many churches; even been kicked out of a couple… And the theme is: sex before marriage will create an issue in your marriage.

Not growing up in the church, not knowing how to study the Bible for myself; I relied on the church, pastors, and other people. This just added to the guilt and shame of being pregnant before marriage.

I accepted The Lord as my Savior in the late 90’s, but unfortunately even though I was very active in the church I still did not understand the implications of NOT reading and studying the Bible for myself.

From the pulpit we are hearing sermons about freedoms from addictions: sex, drug, alcohol, pornography, but what about the freedom to have a great marriage even though you had sex before marriage……can God forgive that?

I have been on a journey this holiday season to make this WHOLE HOLIDAY Season the best one yet. I have been doing soul searching and have realized that one of the items on my to do list was made very clear and that was to rekindle a love for my husband and our marriage.

Our marriage started on very rocky ground in 1985.

Me not being the Christian.

Rob professing to be the Christian, but not living like it.

Me being pregnant was somehow my fault.

Rob made $3.35/ hour and didn’t always get 40 hours.

To add to my shame and guilt we were on food stamps (when they were paper and you had to count them out), received government subsidized food that we picked up at a Church (peanut butter, cheese, pork and vegetables). Then to top it off the Church paid our bills more than once.

A Pastor even said to his wife “they will never make it” as we drove out their driveway to move back home for awhile.

Our marriage has never been normal or all it “could” by some peoples standards but part of that has to do with shame and guilt continued by marriage seminars and Sunday sermons about how taboo sex before marriage was and that you will not have a good marriage because of that fact. While I do believe sex before marriage is a sin, it is NOT the unforgivable sin and does NOT have to haunt you the rest of your life.

These last few years I have been studying the Bible for myself even writing studies that I wish I would have had when I was trying to figure out life as a new Christian.

Last Christmas was our first Christmas as empty nesters. This now meant it was just Rob and I and this had never been the case. After Christmas I realized that it was time to work even more on me and our marriage.

So this past year has been a year of intentionality of marriage.

Has it been easy? No.

Has it always been fun? NO.

But here are my takeaways
1) Just because things were done in your past does not mean they have to define the rest of your life.
2) I realized that I had become the “codependent” mother I teach about. I had spent the last 29 years taking care of everyone that I needed to, and still am on a journey to find me and not let my excuses become my realities.
3) And the biggie that I have learned just this last week: words hurt but I have 2 choices:                                                                                                                                                                                                                          a) learn from them

b) let them keep you in bondage
I have allowed the later to happen. Words or statements like ” your marriage will never be all that it can be because….you had sex before marriage”.

So if you are one of the many who did NOT wait to have sex before marriage and have had this shame and guilt over you; my prayer is that you will find that God’s forgiveness for sins included you having sex before marriage and that your marriage is what you make it.

And when you ask God to forgive you for your sins and make Him The Lord of your life…. God wipes your sins clean He does forgive you for all…. including sex before marriage but here is the clincher….You need to forgive YOU.

This was what was missing…. I had allowed the words spoken by man to hold more weight than Gods word.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

If you need more information about forgiving yourself please email me at meredithsagekendall@gmail.com

No Shower will EVER be enough

So why are you here?

Why did you not go to the church?

Her answer: the church doors were locked and I did not know how to get in.  I could see people walking around, but no one heard my silent cries for help.

Why did you not knock harder?

Her answer: I didn’t want to be rejected.  I’ve been rejected for so long by people, that I was afraid to be rejected by God.

Church wake up..these buildings are to be a safe place, a place of refuge 7 days a week.

We are  group of hurting people fear of rejection.  Church please don’t reject us also.  Open your doors.  Open your doors and walk with us.  Don’t condemn us, we can do that on our own.  Don’t look at us with those eyes; you know those eyes that tell us we don’t fit in.  We know we don’t, you don’t have to judge us too, we already feel dirty enough. No shower will ever be enough.  The stank, we have created by our choices, you remind us that it will always be there by the way you walk to the other side of the hallway or sidewalk.

We just need someone to hold us and tell us they love us without expecting anything in return.

We need someone to walk with us in relationship that isn’t afraid to get our stink on them.  That stench we smell, that permeates our skin because we’ve  worn it for so long…..

***If you are this person in this story, please know that Jesus, has not and will not reject you. If you are afraid of being rejected but need someone to talk to please reach out.***