Crisis Pregnancy

Ensure Your Foundation is Stable

The neighborhood I reside in is extremely active with new construction. Seemingly overnight a vacant lot will be transformed into a three bedroom, two bath living space for a new homeowner to start making memories. 

Burrowing Owl

A particular home sits on a corner lot. One day it was a Burrowing Owl habitat and now it proudly displays the newest home that was built in our neighborhood. I know this because I can see it from my front yard but I also have walked past this corner at least five days a week since I moved in almost eighteen months ago. 

The yard had been graded and the workers were there to install the beautiful paver driveway.  Not even a month had gone by when we had a torrential downpour. Not thinking anything about it, I went for a walk the following day and just as I do every other time, I passed this house. A portion of the driveway had fallen into a newly created sinkhole. 

Newly Paved Driveway

Partially fixed

As the days passed the hole in the driveway sat there, continuing to get worse as the rain came and nothing had been done to repair the problem. Finally someone had come out to regrade the yard, but the driveway was still sporting a hole. It took about two more weeks when finally the hole was fixed but there was a mess of what looked like concrete coming out from under the driveway onto the newly graded yard. 

I cringe to think what problems the new homeowner will have with the driveway because the problem was covered up with a quick fix instead of looking for the main cause. 

Fixed Driveway

As I watched this scenario play out with the newly constructed home, it made me think about relationships.

So many times I have witnessed women finally finding their voice and getting out of a relationship that is toxic and dysfunctional but they didn’t take time to fix the foundation (themselves). The loneliness was too much to bear so at the first sign of someone paying attention to them, they jumped into a new relationship or even an old one with the hopes of a different outcome. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have talked with women and the same statement was said “They said they were sorry.” And within six months, if  it lasted that long, there was another hole that needed repairing. 

The challenge is taking the time to repair ourselves because if we don’t, we will attract the same type of toxic dysfunction over and over again. 

Did you know that on average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good and 75% of women will die at the hand of their abuser as they are attempting to leave. 

Also, one out of every three women will be abused at some point in her life.

Why am I so passionate about women finding their voice? 

With my self-worth in the tank as a teen, if God had not intervened, my story would have been written differently. Also in 2011, I was attacked, not by a domestic partner but my injuries were the same as  two women who were acquaintances of a friend, they were attacked by their domestic partners. They weren’t as fortunate as I to have lived.  They both were trying to get out of their situation and became part of the 75%. 

This is why I am so passionate about helping women find their voice. 

Finding your voice isn’t just about getting out of an abusive relationship, it is about finding your self-worth in who God says you are. 

As I became involved in our local church, I would have women remind me of God’s love, but I was advised that simply reading the Bible would solve everything. However, the real issue was that no one demonstrated how to truly connect with God or make His teachings relevant to my daily challenges. Instead, they just urged me to sort it out on my own.

This is why I love showing women how using God’s Word helps you live a transformed life. And to quote my husband it is not out of a legalistic requirement but an irresistible response for what He has done for us. 

The process isn’t an easy one and it requires a lot of sacrifice. 

Many times, it involves unlearning a behavior that you once believed to be normal from your upbringing. Transforming destructive patterns into healthy loops requires significant effort. You also have to realize that you didn’t just get into this lifestyle, it took years, so perseverance is required as you retrain your brain. 

My life’s purpose is to empower women with knowledge, enabling them to embrace their true identity as defined by God and live authentically for Him. 

Reese’s Story Part 2

Not many people knew what we were facing starting at 20 weeks into Amanda’s pregnancy. We prayed for healing. We prayed for miracles. We wanted so bad for God to show up in a mighty way and prove the doctors wrong.  In my humanness I could say that God failed me. Again in my human nature I could be mad and blame God for making us have to grieve this way…but I can’t… all I can say is 

But God…. 

Let me preface all this with… I was still praying for a miracle of healing. I am also a planner by personality and I didn’t want anyone having to make decisions while attempting to grieve. 

I reached out to a couple who were high school classmates. Their job is helping people plan their funerals before the time is needed. I felt they would be a great resource and boy was I correct. Within the hour they had already spoken to and given me the name of a funeral home. This home, when they first began made it a mission to make sure that infants who passed would be taken care of with dignity and respect. When I first made contact, they prayed with me over the phone asking God for a miracle of healing as well. We ended the phone call with, “I pray you don’t have to call me back.”  Unfortunately I did have to call them back and once again, the first thing she did was pray with us. They were amazing to work with and even made sure we had Reese’s ashes in time for the memorial. 

The second phone call I made was to the hospital where Reese would be born. I wanted to make sure that if the need arises there would be social workers, grief counselors and because they were very involved in a church we knew we didn’t need chaplain services. Not only did Sarah the social worker check on Amanda the day of Reese’s birth and death, she gave us her cell number if we needed her.  Prior to the birth, she also had started the approval process for Amanda’s two younger children to be allowed in her room. And only as God can do, He had our nurse that day all of a sudden forget how to count. The new rule is only 2 people in the room at a time, at one time we had 10. 

The third phone call was to a nonprofit called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They are professional photographers who give of their time to provide the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby.  Not only did God provide an amazing photographer, she was also certified to be in the operating room during birth. This nonprofit gave an amazing gift of a story through pictures. 

On February 5  the day before Reese was born. This was from the calendar that Amanda has sitting on her counter. 

Before you ever came into being, God had a purpose in mind for you. 

On February 6 Reese’s birth and death date from the same daily calendar. 

As God alone watched your body being formed in your mothers womb, he already knew what was ahead. 

If you didn’t know what was going on in our lives at this time, they may have just been words on a page but for us knowing in the next 24 hours what we would be in for, it was another reminder that God was in control and He already had it ordained. 

On Monday February 6th waiting for the arrival of Reese we really didn’t know what to expect. Based upon pictures off the internet we weren’t even sure photographs would be an option. Then the most precious picture arrived. 

He was perfect and breathing on his own. Two by two (due to updated regulations since 2020) we got to go up to the room to spend some quality time. That continued for just a short time when the nurse told Ryan she didn’t know how to count today at which time we all emptied our staging area in the cafeteria and embarked upon floor 4, room 4219. God had given us the perfect day to spend together as family and friends as we weren’t expecting the gift of life for a day. 

As we all emptied the room and only mom, dad and baby were left, God gave them seven more glorious hours to pray over, to love on and to cherish his short sweet life and at 10:36pm, he took his last breath and entered into the loving arms of Jesus. 

The next morning was tough. We had to explain to Reagan, our six year old grandson and Reese’s older brother, that even though Reese looked perfect, he was not really perfect and had passed away and was now with Jesus. His first response was to cry and say he would miss him. Then just that quick he turned and said “are you kidding me right now?”  He then got up off the couch and matter of factly told us he needed to get ready for school. 

After the car rider line we proceeded to pack up anything newborn. It was our daughter’s wish that all baby items be donated to the local crisis pregnancy center. 

Arriving at the side door where donations are dropped off, I knocked and waited to be called in. Walking in, I stated that I had donations to drop off and I would attempt to get through this without crying. I only got out the words, “my daughter had her son yesterday and….” without missing a beat the worker asked if I was the Osburn’s. I was shocked and told her it was my daughter. The next statement blew me away. “I don’t know your daughter, but we have been praying and have been hearing of her faith during this time.” 

I couldn’t help but get tearful again, but this time for a different reason. Her faith. She had pressed into her faith. Over and over again during the pregnancy she would tell me that God was going to do God and that she had faith he would take care of it how He saw fit. At another time she told me that until she knew for sure, she was going to focus on the three beautiful children that were right in front of her and be present in their lives. 

Over and over again in the next few days this was the theme, pressing into their faith and knowing God is in control. 

People who were watching from afar texted and told how they had walked away from their faith and blamed God for all that was going on in their life but watching this unfold gave them a renewed hope to walk back to God and not blame Him but to ask Him how He would use them. 

Not many people knew what was going on with my daughters pregnancy, but after Reese’s passing it was said, “now I understand your daughters Facebook posts”

The day after Reese had passed Amanda wrote this and shared a meme of Tim Tebow’s

This is a great reminder this morning as God took our son home last night at 10:36pm to be healed. We enjoyed so many things with him. 

❤️ Our last time being pregnant 

❤️ Our Last ultrasounds 

❤️ 14 hours he got to spend with our family and us. 

❤️ He can now see, talk, walk, and run with our relatives that were waiting for him at the pearly gates of Heaven. 

Yes it hurts to know we are leaving the hospital childless, however we know this is a see you later not a goodbye forever.

Over the next few days it was amazing to watch my daughter and son-in-love press into their faith and have hope in the pain of grief. 

During the week before the memorial someone had sent us the Biblical meaning of Reese and Edward. 

Reese means: Inspired by God; Zealous; 

Edward means: Guardian or Protector

Now that we are a week out from the memorial, grief overcomes me in the weirdest ways. A song. A smell. A picture. Or even a newborn baby. 

As I was watching a movie the other night, a son had defied his fathers wishes to follow in his footsteps. He instead followed his dreams. I caught myself wondering what Reese would have grown up to do with his life. 

God whispered, Reese fulfilled his life’s purpose. He brought people back to Me. 

In just 14 short hours Reese pointed people to Jesus in ways that were unimaginable. As I think about that I am embarrassed to ask if I have been that productive in my over five decades? 

Reese’s Story part 1

Have you ever had a day that was filled with grief and joy all in the same day? 

Recently I had not just one such day, but two in the same week. 

On Saturday February 11, 2023 we had a memorial service for our 8th grandchild who was only 14 hours old when he went to be with the Lord. This day was filled with grieving but also a joy knowing that Reese Edward was with the Lord. He was no longer blind. He was no longer brain dead. He was alive and whole.  Even though this seemed to be a finale, it was just the beginning of a whole new season. To fully understand this, I need to go back to a doctor’s appointment when my daughter was 20 weeks pregnant. 

During this scheduled ultrasound it was detected that Baby O (this was his name to everyone) had what seemed to be fluid on the brain. Because of this detection my daughter was transferred to a high risk doctor at Tennessee Maternal Fetal Medicine. 

At 23 weeks an amniocentesis was performed and the fluid on the brain was confirmed as hydrocephalus. We were ecstatic to have a diagnosis and a plan of action. Deliver the baby via C-section and have a brain surgeon on standby for emergency surgery to insert a shunt in Baby O to relieve the pressure. And besides the club foot they had also found, which again would be taken care of after birth to correct, Baby O would lead a normal life. 

However, during continued doctors appointments, it became apparent that Baby O would need to be under the care of a hospital and a team of doctors equipped to handle the unknown, so their care was transferred to Vanderbilt. It was here that another ultrasound, at 32 weeks, confirmed it was in fact NOT hydrocephalus, but it was a combination of things and no one had a name for it. 

If you looked at the list that was on my daughters patient portal and googled them, you came up with most of the items pointed to Dandy- Walker Syndrome. In researching we knew people who had full lives, they were special needs, but it wasn’t life threatening. The team didn’t want to speculate so a Fetal MRI was scheduled. The earliest they could get her in was January 19th, 2023. 

On January 21, 2023 the outcome was listed on my daughter’s patient portal and it didn’t sound good. I am not a doctor but I knew based upon googling the items our outlook had just been altered. The list actually ended up being looked at by a nurse and her response was “has anyone mentioned ‘heroic life saving measures’?” 

These words started messages being left for someone to return a call to explain what was going on. The call finally came and another “team meeting” was called for January 30, 2023. 

At 38 weeks, my daughter was hooked up to machines to monitor the baby’s heartbeat which was normal and strong and another ultrasound had just been completed. The doctors made their way into her room to discuss the findings of the ultrasound which just confirmed the Fetal MRI. She and her husband would need to start making decisions. Baby O had no brain activity and would only live with medical intervention for the rest of his life, however long that was. 

They made the decision of a DNR and to allow God to work in whatever way He chose. The C-section was scheduled for the following Monday at 8am and Baby O was given little chance of ever taking a breath. 

During the final week before baby O a diagnosis would finally be given. At one of the many doctors appointments they were able to take DNA from both mom and dad, and they still had liquid left from the amniocentesis. It was sent to Columbia University for research and on Wednesday February 1, 2023 they called and told us that Baby O had  Walker Warburg syndrome which is a very rare condition of Muscular Dystrophy and that he had an extreme case. It was reiterated again he would most likely never take a breath. 

But God….

On February 6th at 8:38 am Reese Edward was born. He not only took a breath but he kept breathing for almost exactly 14 hours before he passed into the arms of Jesus where he is happy and whole. 

When it doesn’t seem God answered the prayer.

From the day that my oldest daughter, Amanda, told me she was expecting I started to pray for the pregnancy. I was assured that because she wouldn’t be 35 prior to the birth, she was not considered high risk. Seeing I lived over 800 miles away all I really could do was pray.

So my prayers for the next nine months consisted of praying for a safe delivery. I prayed for a healthy baby. I even prayed for her pregnancy to be free from stress because I know from my years of teaching, that the first 9 months in utero are extremely important to a baby’s development not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

On Mother’s Day I was finally told his name. It was supposed to be a surprise, but in the midst of Covid, the gift that bared his name, was lost in the shipping world, so they didn’t make me wait any longer, this little peanut’s name was RJ.

From then on I prayed for him by name.  Over and over I would pray for a great pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby. 

I also prayed from the very beginning, that he would always know the Lord and serve Him with his life.

The just over 9 months flew by and it is time for RJ to enter the world.  Amanda and her husband are in the hospital on August 29,2020 and RJ comes out screaming.  We joke and say that he is yelling PUT ME BACK! 2020 sucks. But RJ is a healthy 6lb 10oz ball of joy.

The waiting is over, the excitement is done because we can’t go see him anyway, so off to bed. My phone starts ringing right after midnight.  My husband kicks me awake, but it takes me a minute to get my bearings because I am in a different bed and my phone is in a different place.

Hello, I finally answer groggily.

I finally hear a hello through the tears.  RJ is in the NICU. The nurse didn’t like what she heard.

It takes me a moment to comprehend what she is saying because I didn’t understand how a healthy baby just a few hours ago is now in NICU.

Ok, let’s do what we know how to do, pray.  We hang up, and in the morning we find out he was only there for about 90 minutes and everything is okay.

The following day we are talking about what day and time they will be released from the hospital and once again in the middle of the night my phone goes off.

Mom…

He is now in the NICU with a feeding tube. I ask what is wrong. My daughter is attempting to tell me but the nurse had on a mask and mumbled the words.

Amanda tells me she thinks the nurse said they were calling in an Oncologist. I knew that couldn’t be right, that was for cancer.  So I said maybe she said Neurologist.  That made more sense.  We read Psalms 91 together.

The next morning, we finally find out they were waiting for the neonatologist to come in and do her rounds.

The following week was a roller coaster. We were waiting for transport to take him to a children’s hospital. Then they called and said it’ll be tomorrow. Tomorrow became if they don’t come…. Basically he was stable and the NICU was full at the other hospital, but that meant we couldn’t get answers.  So we didn’t know if we needed surgery, feeding tube for the rest of his life or what.  Finally, they wanted to do a telehealth meeting with a speech pathologist. Depending upon what she saw, she would re-evaluate. 

That little stinker started to drink from a bottle. Yeah! Praise God.

That started a slow process of drinking from a bottle and getting his feeding tube removed.  The next step was being released from NICU to a regular room and then being able to go home after that. 

If I am going to be transparent, I was not happy with God. I had prayed and prayed for a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby.  Why did God let me think all was okay but then RJ end up in NICU, not able to eat?

I posted a picture and message to a private group on Facebook to ask for prayer, for healing, for answers.

I know it was the prayers that allowed my daughter to get through this like a champ. The specific prayers of healing over a baby they had never met, were being answered.

We are finally coming to an end of the tunnel. The last thing to be done is the circumcision and then he can go home.

As I was sitting there thanking God for healing, I was also asking God to forgive me because I got mad that RJ was in NICU, something was mentioned that made me count the days. 

8 days!

The child was circumcised on the 8th day.

I started to cry. My bigger prayer was that RJ would never not know a day without the Lord and that RJ would be a Christ follower.

In Genesis 17 you find the covenant between Abraham and God.

You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between Me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised.

Then I remembered Amanda sending us a picture while RJ was in NICU. He and his dad were doing skin to skin contact and RJ reached out and grabbed hold of Ryan’s cross necklace and she told us he wouldn’t let go.

When I started recounting the events of the first 8 days of RJ’s life outside the womb, I stand in awe of God and His miraculous works.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

The Very First Single Mom

Over the years Rob and I have had many women walk in and out of our lives.

Lately, though I have been thinking about the very first single mom who walked into our lives.

I can see us pulling up to the gas station on Briley Parkway waiting for her to walk up from the hill with her belongings in tow.

I can still see her sitting at the glass topped, wrought iron white kitchen table in our 2 bedroom apartment at the corner of Nolensville Rd and Ocala Drive, she was showing me her senior picture and rubbing her baby bump as we spoke.  We did not have much and had only been married a short time, but we did have an extra bed.

She shared a room with our little girl who was only a year herself.  We did what we could to help her as she had chosen life.  I took her to appointments and we waited patiently for that day to come where we would rush her to the hospital so she could deliver her baby.

That day finally came in the middle of the night.  Off to the hospital she and I went.  We were left to ourselves for the most part.  There was no birthing room for this mom. No friendly chatter from friends or family… just the beeps from the machines in a dark, windowless, tiny room that only fit a bed, a hard chair, like you would find at a conference and the needed machines. I found myself trying to get comfortable, as I was told this could take a while. Even though I was a mother, I would not know how long it was about to take, because my daughter decided she needed to (as the doctor said) come out the window.  I showed up at 6am and was prepped for surgery by 10am and by 10:21, my first born had made her appearance.

The time had come, the nurse walked in and said “Lets go have this baby”.  They put up the side rails, unlocked the wheels and off we went.  We were in the hallway about to enter an area of the hospital called the “Delivery Room”, when from behind us we heard a voice calling her name.

The nurse stops, and the bed comes to a stop in the middle of the hallway.  This person is starting to say things like, I am sorry I was not here for you, but now I am.

The nurse looks at her and then says, “you can only have one person, who will it be?”

I choose her.

They wheeled her through the double doors, along with her longtime friend by her side.  The doors closed and that was the last time we ever laid eyes on her again.

I don’t have a clue if the baby was a boy or a girl.  I don’t have a clue where she went when she left the hospital.

Over the years I think of her often, I even still have her senior picture on my desk.  The baby would be reaching the 30 year old mark.  I wonder if he or she went to school.  If he or she got married or even has kids themselves.

I believe that God allows me to go through things, to feel things, to even witness things in order to make me a better servant for Him.  But I have to say, for the first time in 30 years, as I was thinking back on our time with her, that I felt a strong sense of longing, like I think I would if I had given my child up for adoption.

I cannot explain this longing nor can I explain the why?  Except that God has recently brought to mind the need for more families and churches to get involved in the lives of women who choose life, to walk with them in relationship not just through the pregnancy, but also for as long as God asks you to so that she and the baby know that: You are my masterpiece created anew in Christ Jesus so you can do the good things God planned for you long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)