life coach

Ensure Your Foundation is Stable

The neighborhood I reside in is extremely active with new construction. Seemingly overnight a vacant lot will be transformed into a three bedroom, two bath living space for a new homeowner to start making memories. 

Burrowing Owl

A particular home sits on a corner lot. One day it was a Burrowing Owl habitat and now it proudly displays the newest home that was built in our neighborhood. I know this because I can see it from my front yard but I also have walked past this corner at least five days a week since I moved in almost eighteen months ago. 

The yard had been graded and the workers were there to install the beautiful paver driveway.  Not even a month had gone by when we had a torrential downpour. Not thinking anything about it, I went for a walk the following day and just as I do every other time, I passed this house. A portion of the driveway had fallen into a newly created sinkhole. 

Newly Paved Driveway

Partially fixed

As the days passed the hole in the driveway sat there, continuing to get worse as the rain came and nothing had been done to repair the problem. Finally someone had come out to regrade the yard, but the driveway was still sporting a hole. It took about two more weeks when finally the hole was fixed but there was a mess of what looked like concrete coming out from under the driveway onto the newly graded yard. 

I cringe to think what problems the new homeowner will have with the driveway because the problem was covered up with a quick fix instead of looking for the main cause. 

Fixed Driveway

As I watched this scenario play out with the newly constructed home, it made me think about relationships.

So many times I have witnessed women finally finding their voice and getting out of a relationship that is toxic and dysfunctional but they didn’t take time to fix the foundation (themselves). The loneliness was too much to bear so at the first sign of someone paying attention to them, they jumped into a new relationship or even an old one with the hopes of a different outcome. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have talked with women and the same statement was said “They said they were sorry.” And within six months, if  it lasted that long, there was another hole that needed repairing. 

The challenge is taking the time to repair ourselves because if we don’t, we will attract the same type of toxic dysfunction over and over again. 

Did you know that on average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good and 75% of women will die at the hand of their abuser as they are attempting to leave. 

Also, one out of every three women will be abused at some point in her life.

Why am I so passionate about women finding their voice? 

With my self-worth in the tank as a teen, if God had not intervened, my story would have been written differently. Also in 2011, I was attacked, not by a domestic partner but my injuries were the same as  two women who were acquaintances of a friend, they were attacked by their domestic partners. They weren’t as fortunate as I to have lived.  They both were trying to get out of their situation and became part of the 75%. 

This is why I am so passionate about helping women find their voice. 

Finding your voice isn’t just about getting out of an abusive relationship, it is about finding your self-worth in who God says you are. 

As I became involved in our local church, I would have women remind me of God’s love, but I was advised that simply reading the Bible would solve everything. However, the real issue was that no one demonstrated how to truly connect with God or make His teachings relevant to my daily challenges. Instead, they just urged me to sort it out on my own.

This is why I love showing women how using God’s Word helps you live a transformed life. And to quote my husband it is not out of a legalistic requirement but an irresistible response for what He has done for us. 

The process isn’t an easy one and it requires a lot of sacrifice. 

Many times, it involves unlearning a behavior that you once believed to be normal from your upbringing. Transforming destructive patterns into healthy loops requires significant effort. You also have to realize that you didn’t just get into this lifestyle, it took years, so perseverance is required as you retrain your brain. 

My life’s purpose is to empower women with knowledge, enabling them to embrace their true identity as defined by God and live authentically for Him. 

Why I Cook on High

With the smoke alarm blaring the girls would all chime in; “Moms cooking again.”

This was the running joke in our home for years.

With my children now in their thirties and multiple grandchildren around, unfortunately they too know that when the smoke alarm goes off at Nana’s house it’s not a big deal, it just means she’s cooking.

Recently I was teaching the 180 Program and had an epiphany as to why I always have cooked on high.

In my teen years, life to me seemed to always be in turmoil. It felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. You see in any given twenty-four-hour period; I never knew what would happen when it came to my stepdad’s mood and therefore the atmosphere of the home.

For example, if I was given permission to do something on a Friday night, I would do everything in my power to stay out of the presence of my stepdad all week.  If our paths did cross, I would quickly excuse myself from the situation and if that wasn’t possible, I would say the least number of words so it couldn’t be used against me or trigger a tornado to spawn.

When the day of the event would come, I would be as quiet as a church mouse and primarily spend the day in my room.

Watching from my bedroom window, I would wait, not so patiently I might add, for the person to arrive in my driveway.

As soon as I spotted the vehicle, I would as quickly and quietly as possible dart down the hallway. If my stepdad happened to be up and depending upon where he was positioned, I would purposefully take the opposite route to get down the flight of stairs and out the door.

To be truthful how I never went tumbling down the flight of stairs to the landing is truly a testament of God’s mercy. You see this flight of stairs were merely 2×8 piece of lumber and open on both ends. There was no banister let alone a handle. One misstep to the left and I would have landed on the concrete basement floor after another flight of stairs broke my fall. On the other side, one wrong step to the right and I would have landed directly on the basement floor from about 7 feet up.

I was almost free; I hadn’t heard my name yet. A turn of the door handle and I was gone.

“Not so fast. Where do you think you are going?”

So, what does this have to do with cooking on high and my latest epiphany.

I learned very quickly that for me to be allowed to do anything and finish it, I had to do it quickly so as not to be stopped.

Cooking on high was just a manifestation of my learned behavior that you do it as fast as you can, so you get to do it. The challenge for me is that it’s not just about cooking. That’s just the one that gets the most attention because it has an alarm attached to it.  

When my husband has an idea to do something, he takes what I see as too much time preparing, when in fact he could just do it. I feel he is losing out and maybe even missing out. Me not so much. I jump in and let the chips fall where they may. For most of my adult life I have used a Type A personality, Go-Getter, 1st born as my excuse, when in fact, it’s a learned behavior that needs to be changed. What I learned from my childhood was the least number of steps and preparation at least allowed me a chance to accomplish what I was scheduled to do.

Unfortunately, this type of thinking made me find systems to be a four-letter bad word. They bog me down and almost paralyze me in thinking I won’t be able to get to the next item, especially if I must follow a procedure. To me the more steps were more chances that someone could tell me; “You don’t get to do that”.

Understand that this stepfather is in my past, he hasn’t been a part of my life for more than three decades. Even though I know that fact, for some reason, I have never seen it as a fear that I won’t be able to do something because he said so. It is only because of my recent epiphany that I am now totally realizing my need to work through this stronghold in my life that I never knew I had because for years it was categorized as: Type A, First Born. Go-Getter. Driven. I didn’t realize cooking on high and setting off the smoke detector multiple times a week was a bigger problem than just wanting to get dinner on the table faster.

So, what’s next.

As I finish out 2023 and enter 2024 this newfound flaw in my life, business and personal, will be something I work on diligently to get new patterns established. I will also take what I am learning and apply it to goal setting, which is another blog for another day.

If any of this struck a chord or you feel you need help getting off the ferris wheel called “it’s just the way it is”, lets talk.

What’s Your Calling?

I am not sure about you, but I still remember as a newbie to the weekly church thing, I would often hear a sermon about knowing the will of God. After service I would run to the front of the church to ask how I was supposed to know the will of God for my life. Sadly, my question was usually glossed over with an answer that never seemed to quench my thirst for the answer. 

It wasn’t until many years later after I had finally quit playing church, surrendered my life fully, became a true follower of Christ and became a Berean, ( examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. Acts 17:11b), that I found Romans 12.  

Paul, in Romans 12 starts with “Therefore.”  Know that when you are doing a study that whenever you see that word, you need to search the chapters and verses prior to see why the “therefore, is there for.”  (See Romans)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

Here it clearly tells us what we need to do in order to test and approve what God’s will is. 

We are to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. 

Here are just a few verses that give us direction in regards to having our bodies as a living sacrifice. 

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy,your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! Matthew 6:22-23

Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100:3

I heard it said that God doesn’t care what college you go to, where you live or if you color your hair; what God does care about is how you act, react and present yourself as a child of His in all areas of your life and wherever you go. So for all those years as I was walking aimlessly attempting to find out what God’s will for my life was, it was right there in black and white. I just thought it had to be more. 

But in my best game show voice, “but wait, there is more.”  A continued search of the scriptures, let’s look at the verse from Acts 20 in which Paul says that he considers his life worth nothing and that his only aim is to finish the race and complete the task he was given by the Lord. 

 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

Acts 20:24 (NIV)

Did you know that in Romans 11 it says that because the Jews didn’t accept Jesus as the Messiah, salvation has come to the Gentiles, to make the Jews jealous? 

When I read that, it made the verse in Acts 20 have even more importance. We were given the chance at salvation not to keep it to ourselves but to complete the task the Lord has given us. The gift  of testifying to the good news of God’s amazing grace. You see this wasn’t just a call on Paul’s life, it is a call on everyone’s life who considers themselves a born again Christian. 

As a Christ follower in the twenty-first century, I am thinking Acts 20:24 needs to be memorized and lived out daily. 

Do we think about finishing the race and completing the task that the Lord set before us as followers? Unfortunately I think many get so focused on career choices, making a living, raising a family that we forget that in everything we do, we are supposed to live as a sacrifice to the Lord. 

Going back to Romans 12, Paul gives us the answer on how to do that. 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

We are supposed to be different from the world. We are to be transformed by renewing our mind. 

How do we renew our minds? By getting into the Word. Reading the Word. Studying the Word. And while you are doing all that, daily you live out what you have read, studied and share what has been revealed to you. 

Sadly, many think that salvation is a day and time of a prayer and or baptism and that’s it, but Paul writes in Philippians that we need to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. 

Keep on working with fear and trembling to complete your salvation, because God is always at work in you to make you willing and able to obey his own purpose. Phillippians 2:11b-12

First hear me, this is not works salvation, this is living a life daily because of what Christ did for us. My husband has a quote that says, to live out Romans 12 is not a legalistic requirement but an irresistible response. Because of our gift of salvation we want everyone to know who He is, but we cannot do any of what God is asking us to do without His Holy Spirit as our helper. 

Jesus answered him, “Those who love me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and my Father and I will come to them and live with them. Those who do not love me do not obey my teaching. And the teaching you have heard is not mine, but comes from the Father, who sent me. “I have told you this while I am still with you. The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and make you remember all that I have told you. John 14:23-26 (GNT)

So our calling may not be as a pastor, teacher or evangelist with a huge stage and platform, but we are all called to tell everyone whom He places in our lives who He is and what He has done in our life, and is continuing to do in our life and what better way than to live a life glorifying God through the way we live.  

Galatians 5 verse 16- 21 say this: 

 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;  idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

So I will leave you with this last question, as you read through that list, are there things on there that you deal with and need to hand over to the Lord, so He can free you? 

Don’t become a Slave to the Lender

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

I wish I could tell you that I have always been good at saving money, but that is a discipline that was never taught to me as a child as we didn’t have money to spare.

Growing up I watched my mom pinch every penny to make sure her three children were fed and I am pretty sure that a lesson on money management was not on her parenting radar.  So unfortunately when I had money, I spent money.

Fast forward a few decades, I now teach budgeting classes. I use the verse from Proverbs  

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.  Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

to teach men and women about the dangers of credit cards, we tote the note lots and cash advance places. 

But now there is a new danger, especially to newly opened businesses, that I hadn’t given much thought to, until recently. 

Being a newly registered business, when the junk mail started arriving, I just assumed I had gotten on someone’s list. I rarely open this type of mail but for some reason this letter caught my attention. 

DO NOT DISCARD

“DO NOT DISCARD”

Inside was a “pay to the order of” and in very fine letters, it read “this is not a check, it is a loan and by cashing it you are agreeing to our terms.”  This made me go back and open the rest of the mail. 

In a week’s time I had “checks” I could have cashed totaling over $100 thousand dollars.

 

What if I hadn’t known any better? What if I truly thought it was a gift? Stranger things have happened right? 

The challenge would have been when all those loans had come due.  They will get their money some way and truth be told, how many of us actually read all the terms and conditions? 

When you sign your name and either cash or deposit that check, your payment plan starts and you become a slave to that lender. 

And if all those checks weren’t bad enough, the pre-approved credit cards started piling up as well. 

Here is my two cents: Don’t fall for the schemes of those who send you unsolicited mail. If you are in need of a line of credit or a credit card, talk with a financial advisor. 

If you have already fallen prey, make a plan to get out from underneath that obligation as soon as possible. Whether that be by paying it off or coming up with a plan to pay it off quicker. 

Don’t do it alone.  

Find a coach to help keep you accountable and to get your cash flowing a different way.  

There is also another verse in the Bible that I love, especially for new businesses. 

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,
to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10 (NLT)

And lastly the verse in Luke is great for business owners.


 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.
But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.
Luke 16:10 (NLT)

“It” will Rule You

As I was researching the scriptures for a study I am writing, these verses in Genesis stood out.

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:6-7 (NIV)

Cain’s offering was not acceptable to the Lord. The scriptures record just earlier in the paragraph that “In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.” (vs3)

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits… not first fruits… just some.

Then the Lord continues talking with Cain. “Why are you angry?”

I wonder how many times God really wants to look at us and ask “Why are you upset?” 

God already knew Cain’s heart. God was warning him. Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you. You MUST rule over it. 

This was a warning to a man whose anger was about to get the best of him. Not but a few verses later, Cain has killed Abel. 

This made me think how many warnings God has given us? Sin is crouching at your door…. YOU MUST RULE OVER IT… 

The problem is many times we get in a cycle of letting life happen and therefore we allow the desire of “it” to rule us. 

What has God been warning you to rule over before it takes you? 

Cain’s was anger and jealousy. 

Is yours anger or losing your temper? 

Is it gossip, jealousy or a sexual sin?

What about laziness? Or is it being a work-a-holic? 

Maybe it’s an addiction that you may find yourself slipping back into? 

I pray today is the day that you listen to the Lord and heed His warning to start ruling over “it” before the consequences of it taking over you involve others and not just yourself. 

Do You Know the Shepherd’s Voice

Good deeds proper worship

Good Deeds

During my study today in Revelation, it was talking about how all our prayers are incense.

Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people

It cross referenced Psalms which was talking about how we worship

I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

This then took me to 1 Timothy chapter 2 where Paul is talking about how men and women are to worship.

Therefore, I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

The last part…but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God really spoke to me especially as I have been scrolling Facebook lately.

There have been many posts over the last few months that were related to “since Covid we haven’t gotten our hair or nails done.”  There have even posts that said something to the effect “couldn’t wait to get back in “so and so’s chair” so they could fix our mess.

Please hear me, there is nothing wrong with getting hair and nails done.

But the more I have scrolled it has saddened me how far many have derailed from the truth of scripture. How we have allowed the past 5 months’ tear friends and families apart? The anger. The loss of hope. And just that quickly we now don’t trust each other.

What convicted me was, “appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Here we are in the middle of August. We don’t even love our friends who sat next to us in church anymore.  They are the enemy.  The news has become our only source of hope and truth.

Decades ago when I was just beginning my walk in the church, and I say walk in the church because I know now that it was just a lifestyle because where I lived it was a way of life and what was expected, I remember stumbling over the scripture in Matthew 7,

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a FEW find it. (emphasis mine)

Everyone I knew went to church. Everyone I knew was a “Christian”. How could only a FEW find it? But after watching 2020, with church buildings being shut down, John 10 scares me for many who like me years ago, went to church, followed a dynamic speaker, and found my fellowship with other church goers who adorned themselves with elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls and or expensive clothes, but when push came to shove, there weren’t any good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

I am afraid many are running to the stranger’s voice because they truly don’t know the Shepherd’s.

A Legacy of Obedience

For I know the plans

I have been reading Jeremiah for my time with the Lord.  And I started this journey because we all like to quote Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you…” and as good as that looks on a plaque or a piece of barnwood, there is so much more to the book of Jeremiah.  

Today, as I was reading in Jeremiah 35 a couple of things, hit me. The first was that the family call The Rekabites, even though they did not follow the Lord and His words, they were loyal to the traditions and the words of their forefathers.  

Their forefathers said, “Don’t drink wine.” So they didn’t

Their forefathers said, “ You must never build houses, sow seed or plant vineyards.” So they didn’t.

Their forefathers also said, “you must always live in tents,” So they did.

Even when Jeremiah brings them into a room and puts wine before them, they stand their ground and do not drink the wine. They then tell Jeremiah the why.  They stand on the words left by their forefathers.

 

OBEDIENCE

What or who are you obeying?

 

God then goes to the people of Judah and those living in Jerusalem (vs 13) and tells them the story of the Rekabites and how they still are obeying the commands of their forefathers. He then goes on to say, but I (The Lord) have spoken to you again and again yet you have not obeyed me. Again and again, I sent all my servants the prophets to you. They said, “Each of you must turn from your wicked ways and reform your actions; do not follow other gods to serve them.” But you have not paid attention or listened to me. He then once again talks about the diehard obedience of the Rekabites and His own people won’t even obey.  

Then chapter 35 ends with the obedience of the Rekabites are rewarded and called into service for the Lord.

Writing the word OBEDIENCE today, I saw for the first time that the word “DIE” is smack dab in the middle of the word.  And when you are being obedient, you have to “DIE” to self to obey God. Romans 12:1-2 says:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

How many times are we willing to “die” and become “transformed” for a family tradition or legacy but aren’t willing to listen and obey The Lord and His Words and His Traditions?

Driven By Fear

List making As of 9am September 21, 2018, we had been residents of Cape Coral Florida for all of 19 hours.

I was hurrying us along. I had a list a mile long,

  • Get Driver’s License
  • Get Vehicles tagged
  • Get Permit
  • Get post office box
  • Go to bank x2
  • Go to Lowes
  • Go to Costco
  • Go to Bookstore
  • Go to Sprint
  • Go to Thrift store
  • Get Lunch

Well not really a mile long, but you get the picture.

As you can see it was a hefty list. My excuse is that I am a Type A person. I was ready to hit the list and get it done.

All of a sudden my husband looked at me and made a statement that stopped me in my tracks.

“Your step-father is not going to tell you; you can’t do something on your list.”

This statement has haunted me all day long.

I realized there is a fine line between getting things accomplished in a timely manner, and working yourself though a list because of FEAR.

When I was growing up I learned a pattern of living that said, you can have all the goals, lists, etc in the world; you may be walking out the door and have all the permissions in the world to leave to accomplish your list, and without warning or reason, be told you can’t go anywhere. Just because.

That simple statement has had me in a thought all day.

This was just another aha moment for me.

“What are my motives?”

If you would ask people, they would say I was driven. Today I realized I have been driven, but the underlying factor was fear of being told I could not do it.  So I would hurry up and finish it so “he” could not take it away.

Today I choose to be driven, because I want to be the best of who God called me to be and not in fear that God will change His mind and tell me I can’t do it, just because.

 

 

 

 

photo from Unsplash. inbossmode.com