Ministry Coach

Lord I am sorry for what I have made it

Almost twenty years ago my husband found these verses in Romans. We quickly adopted them as our life verses. 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

We decided in 2002 that we were no longer going to go with the flow of society but go against the grain.  We were going to live this out every day. We would renew our mind and be transformed. We wanted to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice. We were ready to go and do what the Lord asked us to do. 

Fast forward to 2020. I have always known there was a “therefore” to start Romans 12. I had also been told that you always need to stop and find out what the “therefore”is there for. 

Ok I get it better late than never right? 

I decided to just go back one chapter to 11, and start reading. Wow! I think I had skipped that chapter in all my readings. Paul is giving his partial resume, then he is talking about how we have been grafted into the family of God. I was really loving it until I turned the page in my Bible and read verse 35. 

“Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?

In following the rabbit trail of reference verses it took me to Job chapter 41 verse 11. God is talking: 

Who has a claim against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to Me.

Why did those verses bring me to my knees? Because I need to repent. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed this prayer; 

“Lord thank you for allowing me to be your hands and feet.” 

Then in the next breath would come this… 

“Lord when will it be my turn to see a blessing? I have done all this for You. When, Lord? I am tired.”

When God showed us the verses in Romans it was supposed to be a motto to live by. It ended up being the foundation to a ministry that was extremely taxing, not just monetarily, but also physically and mentally. 

I am forever grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to be in full time ministry for so long. I am not proud of the jealousy, competition, and the business it became. Instead of a time to walk in a relationship similar to the outline found in Titus 2, it became about numbers of lives changed on a spreadsheet in order to keep the funders happy. 

And in turn my prayer was no longer, “God I offer my body as a living sacrifice,” but “Lord, look what I am giving up. So what’s in it for me?”

My prayer for 2021 is going to be, Lord, I offer myself. Grant me knowledge and wisdom that can only come from you. Lord embolden me to tell others about Your greatness, not because of what You may or may not do, but because of Who You are.” 

Our job as Christ followers is to glorify God for no other reason than because He Is the Great I AM. I will end with Psalms 145:1-3 (NIV)


I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.

“It” will Rule You

As I was researching the scriptures for a study I am writing, these verses in Genesis stood out.

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:6-7 (NIV)

Cain’s offering was not acceptable to the Lord. The scriptures record just earlier in the paragraph that “In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.” (vs3)

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits… not first fruits… just some.

Then the Lord continues talking with Cain. “Why are you angry?”

I wonder how many times God really wants to look at us and ask “Why are you upset?” 

God already knew Cain’s heart. God was warning him. Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you. You MUST rule over it. 

This was a warning to a man whose anger was about to get the best of him. Not but a few verses later, Cain has killed Abel. 

This made me think how many warnings God has given us? Sin is crouching at your door…. YOU MUST RULE OVER IT… 

The problem is many times we get in a cycle of letting life happen and therefore we allow the desire of “it” to rule us. 

What has God been warning you to rule over before it takes you? 

Cain’s was anger and jealousy. 

Is yours anger or losing your temper? 

Is it gossip, jealousy or a sexual sin?

What about laziness? Or is it being a work-a-holic? 

Maybe it’s an addiction that you may find yourself slipping back into? 

I pray today is the day that you listen to the Lord and heed His warning to start ruling over “it” before the consequences of it taking over you involve others and not just yourself. 

The Day I Questioned: Would I Have Been Served

The morning started off with a bang. The fog wasn’t the thickest she had ever seen, but for whatever reason this type of weather made drivers lose their minds. She had already been called out to more than a dozen accidents and was grateful that the majority were minor fender benders. 

She had been patrolling the small country town less than a month, and it was apparent that she wasn’t from around there. Being new to this particular force, she decided her mission was to make it work, not only professionally but also socially. 

Driving through the town square, she was greeted with ecstatic waves from children who appeared happy that school had been canceled once again for inclement weather. Seeing the families embarking on the town, reminded her that the forecast was for snow but feeling the heat from the rays permeating the glass and looking at the dashboard where it read the outside temperature was sixty-four degrees, she started to chuckle.  

The grumble coming from her stomach told her it was time to stop for lunch.  Turning back west to make one more round through the town, she spotted it. The local burger joint that many had been talking about. Exiting her vehicle, the smell of greasy burgers made her mouth water.  And if she wasn’t sold on it yet, written across the front plate glass window were the years in a row the owner had been given bragging rights to the best burger in thirteen counties. 

Taking the few short steps to enter the building, she did a double take. Yep, there was an open sign. As she placed her petite hand on the stainless steel door handle, a spark made her jump but didn’t stop her from walking in the door. 

Once in she wasn’t sure she was that hungry anymore. The waitress was behind the bar when their eyes met. The server’s smile quickly turned to a look of disgust and she did a swift turn of the head.  

Lisa, being a police officer was trained to watch for hidden words and to be aware of her surroundings, but today she missed out on all the subtleties and took a seat.  After what seemed to take longer than she thought was permissible, seeing only three other tables were occupied and they had clearly been eating for a while, the server came to take her order.

“What do you want?” 

The server’s tone caught Lisa off guard and by this time, her radio was going off in her ear and she would need to forgo lunch right now. 

“I’m sorry.” Lisa replied, “I need to take this call.” 

As she turned to walk out the door, a typed sign, in large, bold letters caught her attention. 

“WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE, ANYTIME” 

Not wanting to cause a scene, she had to wonder, was it the uniform or the color of her skin? 

This may or may not be a fictional story, but in my recent travels to a very small town, as I entered the building, I felt something just not right. There was just an aura that made my antennas go up. 

Taking a seat, I started to look around. Sure enough I spotted a sign “WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE, ANYTIME.”

For the next thirty minutes I was on edge. 

What did that sign mean? 

Why was that sign there? 

If I were a police officer would I have been welcome?

If I were black would I have been welcome?

If I had worn a political shirt that she didn’t agree with, would I have been served? 

If I had been of a different sexual orientation would I have been served? 

I hate to admit the hamburger was amazing, and on the same note I hate to admit that I supported an establishment where many of my friends would not have been served. 

Lord Heal Our Land

5 am clock

The house was dark and quiet and it felt like I had just fallen asleep but yet as I rolled over I was wide awake. It was five in the morning.  I had been telling God that I wanted to start getting up early to really get some great study time in so now I had a choice.

The alarm wasn’t going to go off for another hour, but God nudged me about my saying I wish I had more time.

I made my coffee and sat down in my chair. Purposely I laid my phone out of reach and turned it face down.  Facebook is my kryptonite, and it is a habit I need to break.  

As I started to journal I found myself not really praying for family and friends, but for our land.

Many times this year I have either heard or seen this snippet of a prayer, “Oh Lord Heal Our Land.”

Knowing these words in some form or fashion were in the Bible, I grabbed my phone and googled the words “heal our land”.  At first it came up with Youtube videos for songs and lyrics, so I advanced my search to add the word “Scripture.”

It took me to 2 Chronicles 7:14 

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

As I read that scripture I was convicted that once again… we want the blessing of the passage and gloss right over the requirements on our part. 

God appeared to Solomon (vs 12) and told him that “IF” my people.  Unfortunately all our prayers have been “God heal our land.” 

I want to look at the “If my people statements.” 

If my people will humble themselves

To humble ourselves means to think less of ourselves. As I was studying the passage in Second Chronicles it referenced Leviticus 26:41. 

When I have turned their hostility back on them and brought them to the land of their enemies, THEN AT LAST their stubborn hearts will be humbled and they will pay for their sins. (NLT)

Have we had stubborn hearts? Have we made everything about grace and not living a holy life? 

If my people will pray.

I am not sure about you but I pray.  But my prayers sometimes get to be more about my Christmas List than a dangerous prayer like the one we find in Psalms 139

Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. 
Psalms 139:23-24 (NIV)

Are we willing to ask in prayer; God search me. If there is any offensive way in me…. lead me in the way of everlasting?

If my people will seek My face

To seek means that we attempt to find.  Do we attempt to find God? Years ago there was a saying from a popular bible study that went something like this, “find where God is and join Him.” 

Again I am not sure about you, but if I am being honest, I do more leading and asking God to follow. 

In 1st Chronicles 16 verse 11 is states: 

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face ALWAYS. (NIV)

How do we seek His face always? One way I believe is to use the Holy Spirit that dwells in us as believers, in our lives daily. The job of the Holy Spirit is to teach, guide, comfort and intercede. I think we need to get back to asking the Holy Spirit to be our teacher instead of google, the pastor or even our friends. 

If my people will turn from their wicked ways….

We live in a fallen world. We have since Adam and Eve. There are many hot topics today and I have seen more hurt especially this year (2020) than I think I have seen in years combined. 

Instead of banning together as brothers and sisters in Christ we have allowed satan to find the cracks in our personal foundations and quickly expose them for what they are, living in our wicked ways. And just as satan was planning, we are sprinting into our wicked ways. 

In Zechariah 1:4 God is talking and says, 

“Do not be like your ancestors, to whom the earlier prophets proclaimed: This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Turn from your evil ways and your evil practices.’ But they would not listen nor pay attention to me, declares the LORD. (NIV)

So what are our evil practices? I am not going to use the clobber verses from Galatians 5, we know those all too well and we use them when it is convenient to shame others.  But what I will say is that we need to take a strong look in ourselves and start ridding ourselves of our worldly ways.  

There is an old proverb that many think is in scripture somewhere that says,  “Don’t be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good. 

When I googled to find the address of that verse, I was met with three verses, and the quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

1 Corinthians 15:58 

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord , because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (NIV)

Galatians 5:1 which states 

that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  (NIV)

And the bomb was Philippians 1:27 

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. (NIV)

Nowhere do I see that we aren’t to be too heavenly minded.  What I do see is that we are to stand firm. Conduct ourseves in a manner worthy of the gospel of CHRIST. And give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord. 

Before we pray for God to heal our land, I think we need to start looking deep into ourselves and ask if we have bought into the “don’t be so heavenly minded” that now we ARE so earthly minded that we are no heavenly good. 

2 Chronicles 7 also referenced back to chapter 6 where it also said that we need to 

  1. Humble ourselves by admitting our sins
  2. Pray to God, asking for forgiveness
  3. Seek God continually
  4. And turn from our sinful behaviors

Remember that true repentance isn’t a mere prayer, telling God you are sorry. It is walking with a changed behavior. 

As I was finishing my quiet time, I was convinced that this was not just about asking God to heal this land, but it needed to be how I approach all my “asks” of the Lord.  

I need to make sure I am in a right posture to have God hear. 

Do You Know the Shepherd’s Voice

Good deeds proper worship

Good Deeds

During my study today in Revelation, it was talking about how all our prayers are incense.

Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people

It cross referenced Psalms which was talking about how we worship

I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

This then took me to 1 Timothy chapter 2 where Paul is talking about how men and women are to worship.

Therefore, I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

The last part…but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God really spoke to me especially as I have been scrolling Facebook lately.

There have been many posts over the last few months that were related to “since Covid we haven’t gotten our hair or nails done.”  There have even posts that said something to the effect “couldn’t wait to get back in “so and so’s chair” so they could fix our mess.

Please hear me, there is nothing wrong with getting hair and nails done.

But the more I have scrolled it has saddened me how far many have derailed from the truth of scripture. How we have allowed the past 5 months’ tear friends and families apart? The anger. The loss of hope. And just that quickly we now don’t trust each other.

What convicted me was, “appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Here we are in the middle of August. We don’t even love our friends who sat next to us in church anymore.  They are the enemy.  The news has become our only source of hope and truth.

Decades ago when I was just beginning my walk in the church, and I say walk in the church because I know now that it was just a lifestyle because where I lived it was a way of life and what was expected, I remember stumbling over the scripture in Matthew 7,

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a FEW find it. (emphasis mine)

Everyone I knew went to church. Everyone I knew was a “Christian”. How could only a FEW find it? But after watching 2020, with church buildings being shut down, John 10 scares me for many who like me years ago, went to church, followed a dynamic speaker, and found my fellowship with other church goers who adorned themselves with elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls and or expensive clothes, but when push came to shove, there weren’t any good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

I am afraid many are running to the stranger’s voice because they truly don’t know the Shepherd’s.

Is God trying to get our attention?

Over the past few weeks, churches have had to reimagine church in order to bring the church to their congregation.

Many have wondered what will happen when we get back to “normal”.

Will congregations grow or will they diminish?

Will people realize they like watching church in their PJ’s and not return to the physical church?

As I was praying, God reminded me of a blog I had read, well actually a couple of them. I went back and did a search but couldn’t find the exact one. It was Thom Rainer’s top trends for the following year, and it said small community churches would make a comeback. 

What I did find were these blogs.

July 8, 2019

WHY SMALLER CHURCHES ARE MAKING A COMEBACK

Thom Rainer wrote:

Smaller churches are poised to make a comeback.
I’m serious. I see too many signs and indicators to believe otherwise.

December 30, 2019, Thom Rainer wrote in his blog Seven Trends for churches in 2020

So far, my prediction accuracy rate has been almost 90 percent, depending on how long you allow the trend to become a reality.
For me, three years is the timeframe by which I usually judge my accuracy.

As I continued my search for the blog I was looking for I found this one, also written by Thom Rainer, The Healthy Church in 2020: Ten major changes in ten years, dated June 10, 2019, written many months before the virus hit America.

The digital church will be clearly defined. Today, we debate about the digital church. Is the online church really a church?
By 2029, healthy churches will have settled that issue. I anticipate the digital church will be viewed as a vital and complementary component to the in-person church.

Well, I would say we are 9 years ahead of that prediction.

So when we get back to normal what have you learned and what will you change?

Is it a great time to get rid of systems that were in place because “that’s the way we have always done it”?

Last Sunday, March 22, 2020, was a test of the internet as churches everywhere scrambled to bring services into the homes of their congregations.

One pastor wrote:

“Today has been called “The day the Church broke the internet.”‬

He went on to say

‪”Here’s something else to consider. JESUS said …‬
“And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:14).‬”

With the hashtag

‪#BeReady ‬

Right after that, I saw this posted:

“In three short months, just like He did with the plagues of Egypt, God has taken away everything we worship. God said, “you want to worship athletes, I will shut down the stadiums. You want to worship musicians, I will shut down Civic Centers.  You want to worship actors, I will shut down theaters. You want to worship money, I will shut down the economy and collapse the stock market. You don’t want to go to church and worship Me, I will make it where you can’t go to church”

“If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Maybe we don’t need a vaccine, Maybe we need to take this time of isolation from the distractions of the world and have a personal revival where we focus on the ONLY thing in the world that really matters. Jesus.”

As a church planter, but more importantly a Child of God… I think it is time to re-evaluate. God has taken away almost all the distractions of this world, (He has left us social media), so we still have a choice.  Spend time with Him or spend time with your thousands of Facebook friends who fill your head with gloom and doom?

As we spend time with family that is under roof, my prayer is that you look for God in all of this. Get out your Bible.  Read together. Talk it out. If you aren’t sure, send an email to your pastor, small group leader or trusted Godly mentor. Our church, Restoration Christian is starting to do regular online Bible Studies.

God is trying to get our attention and we have a choice as churches and people to continue with the status quo or ask God,

“You have my attention now what?”

My prayer life was much more like a business meeting

“No you can’t go!”

“But they are here to pick me up and you said I could go.”

“So! I changed my mind. You can’t go.”

I knew better than to argue. I would go back to my room and spend my evening alone.

This was a fear I grew up with while living in the same home with my step-father.

I grew up conditioned not to just be on my best behavior, but to manipulate what I needed, so that when I needed something, my guarantee of not just getting a yes but actually being able to go to the “event”, was probable. Now let me explain, because that sounds really bad, but basically if I wanted to do something with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I knew that I needed to not only be on my best behavior but also to stay “hidden” as much as possible.  I also knew that if I had to have a conversation or be in the same room with “him”, then I needed to be so sweet that there was no way he could hold anything against me.

Here is the problem with that, I took this conditioning not only into my marriage, (which will be a blog/podcast for another time) but I also took it into my relationship with God.  I didn’t realize how bad I was conditioned until the other day, (and yes I mean the other day). I was thinking through a prayer I had and as I was going through a mental checklist that said, “if I do this, then God will give me this response. If I do that, then He’ll really be able to give me this part of the prayer.”

I sat there thinking, going through my mental checklist to make sure I had done and “manipulated” everything in my favor so that there would be no way He could say no.  As I sat there I heard God say, “you do know I don’t work that way, right?

As I have been pondering and thinking through this conversation with God, I realized how much I have made my prayers about what can I get. How can I get it? And what do I need to get it?  Humiliated at the fact that I had reduced God to this earthly idea of a father figure, I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me.

Now understand prayer, for me is a vital part of my daily worship. I journal. I pray. I even pray short little breath prayers throughout the day, but what I hadn’t realized until the other day, is that my prayer life has been very one sided and how can I manipulate my actions to get God through prayer to benefit me.

The other day as I was reading there were 3 examples given for something else but I think it fits perfectly how I have been feeling and man did the lightbulb go on for me. Is your prayer life like going into a business meeting with someone you cannot stand? You are just there because you have to be and to get what you want out of the deal? OUCH!  The second idea was having lunch with a good friend. You share a little but you are still guarded with what and how much you share.  You know you don’t want it out there on the gossip chain encased as a prayer request.

 

And the third was you are in love. You cannot wait to share your day, your life, your everything!

So which one of these describes your prayer life? Are you in a business meeting? Are you having lunch with a good friend? Or are you talking to the person you are in love with and cannot wait to spend time with?

I am a work in progress. I will not be prefect I go home, but while I am here on this earth, I want to make the most of my worship to God, through my prayer time. I want to adore Him, not because of what He can do for me but because of who He is.

 

*** you can also hear this on my podcast 

New Beginnings Podcast

 

Unforgiveness

 

In our 8-week study New Beginnings, we talk about forgiveness right off the bat.  Not only do we talk about forgiving others but we talk about forgiving our self.

When you forgive others, it doesn’t always equate to being friends again. By forgiving others it allows you to move on with your life.  By truly forgiving, you no longer harbor feelings of resentment or wishing ill will.

I started working on the blog/podcast the other day and am finishing it today.  But in the meantime, I had a 6-hour round trip in the car with my husband. During one of our many conversations, I told him that I was still very upset with a situation that happened in July and that I just wished I knew why things had gone awry. I also told my husband that every time this person’s name gets brought up I get sick to my stomach.

Fast forward throughout the day, this person’s name was mentioned a few times in conversations by other people (unbeknownst to them that I was having an issue) and thankfully I was able to contain my emotions.

As I was dozing off to sleep last night, my husband said, as profoundly as he usually does, “Do you really need (that person) to ask for forgiveness or do you need to extend it so that it does not affect you anymore?”

So as I was falling asleep I found myself praying for this person and their family.  I realized that by not extending forgiveness in my own heart that I was allowing satan to steal joy. I was allowing satan to possibly even get a foothold in the kingdom because I was “upset and wanted this person to personally ask me to forgive them.”

What does it matter? In my humanness, I was making it a bigger deal than it was.  In God’s economy I was allowing satan to make change and even prosper.

Forgiveness according to the dictionary means to cease to feel resentment against; to pardon an offense or an offender.

Do you see what it says, to cease to feel resentment against!  This is for you and I.  This is for our well-being.  By not ceasing to feel resentment, I was saying, that I could not forgive.

What if the person you need to forgive is yourself?   Do you find it hard to cease to feel resentment against yourself?

Do you know what happens not only when you don’t forgive others, but you don’t forgive yourself? Satan allows feelings to creep into our lives that reminds us how hurt we were.  What happens when you are hurt? What feeling comes in next? Anger! Maybe just a little annoyance. Maybe we become just a little more curt in our tone than we need to be.  Then before we know it we have hit full blown anger where we are throwing things, slamming doors, cursing, using words to hurt people and unfortunately, those in our paths are innocent people just because we decided we could not cease to feel resentment toward someone or our self.

Also many may not think of this, but if you were hurt as a child, you may have carried these feelings with you into your adolescent years and now you may be directing deep-rooted anger at totally innocent people. You might not realize the true seed from which this anger has grown if from unforgiveness.  These emotional outbursts or angry thoughts and actions are due to feelings that you have not addressed.

It is time to forgive, not only for yourself but for your children. For your well-being. For your marriage. For your relationships.

So what is a practical prayer you can use.

Heavenly Father, I forgive ________(someone or yourself)  I forgive ___________ for:(now write down every past event you need to be forgiven for or forgive someone of) _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I ask that You forgive me.  Father I ask that I would lose sight of the offense, and if I am ever reminded of the offense, that I will dismiss that memory as an old, resolved conflict I no longer want to revisit. Father I ask that I would simply forget the incident and move on with rebuilding healthy relationships as you lead me to do so.  Father, please show me how to love myself the way you do. Father, show me how to turn my offenses into concern for others well-being.  Father, I am moved to forgive myself because I desire to be obedient to you and desire for you to be glorified. Father, I ask that you would forgive me for not forgiving myself before now and remove from my heart any consequences or disease from not forgiving myself in the past. Father I confess that I will need your help to live out this forgiveness and I ask you to give me the strength to live true to the forgiveness.  Father, please bless my life in every way and heal me of any emotional or physical wounds that I have caused from suffering so long.

 

As I end I want to share 2 scriptures with you.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)                    

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT)

May you find joy in today as you forgive your yesterday.

Truth be told, all He asked was to Follow Him

For the past 2 weeks I have been fighting with God about a prescription I received almost a year ago. It read, “must have Florida Beach time often over the next year perhaps permanently.”  This prescription was given in response to my doctor telling me I needed to see a pulmonary specialist.  I told him it would have to wait 3 weeks seeing we were heading to Florida for family time and a church planting conference. In which he said the Florida air would do my lungs good.

More Florida Beach time

With prescription in hand, we headed to Florida.

That prescription was a catalyst that God used to get our hearts to be thinking of Florida.  I was under the assumption that once I moved to Florida then my asthma type symptoms would magically disappear. Instead for me and my body, (if you have followed any of my story), I don’t fit the mold. So why would I expect this to be any different?

I have been to a walk-in clinic now 3 times since our move to Florida.  I am on the exact same schedule I have been on since 2017.  Every 45-60 days.

I have made every excuse.

I cheated on my diet.

I was in the cold weather.

I was traveling.

For the past 18 months or so I have told doctors and myself.  “God is going to heal me. I just need to work out a few more things with my past. I just need to quit cheating on my dietary restrictions.”

In November, I was told that if I had one more flare up then I would need to see a specialist. Well today I once again found myself in the walk-in clinic.  The Doctor was not so pleasant.  She let me know without a shadow of a doubt I needed to find a primary care doctor sooner than later and get this under control.

So why this blog?

I had to come to grips that even though the prescription is part of our church planting story and why Cape Coral Florida, God knew I would need something that was of benefit to get my mind around moving 823 miles from my grandchildren and children.

Not being on steroids every 45-60 days and living in an area that is by the ocean and beautiful, was a great incentive and plus at that time we could do our job from anywhere. We were traveling for work 30-40 weeks out of the year anyway and it really didn’t matter where we started from.

By the end of February though, we were being called to plant a church, God even gave us handwriting on the wall, an 18-wheeler appearing out of nowhere as I am driving to the doctor because I am once again having an asthma flare up.

Fast forward to the past couple of months.  Nothing I thought would happen when we got here has come through. Everything I had put in motion to make the transition to Florida not feel so lonely, has fallen through.  And to top it off, I have been in the walk-in clinic 3 times since arriving.

I have silently been dealing with rejection and feeling like I was short changed. I have asked God to heal me. I have praised God for healing me. I have worked through more of my past. I have cried. I have laughed. I have screamed. And recently I have questioned.  Why? Why are you not healing me? I have faith. I believe. Why are you not healing me?

Then God gives me a flock of Ibis’s in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  To remind me He did heal me of my PTSD and there is no way I would have been able to move to a new area and plant a church with the anxiety and PTSD I had lived with for many years.

But God why are you not healing me of my asthma symptoms? Why did you bring me down here under false pretenses?

Then I read a book called Prodigal God by Tim Keller.

In the book was a story that went something like this.

Jesus says to pick up a stone and follow me.  You look around and because Jesus didn’t give you any specifications you pick up a small pebble and put it in your pocket.  A few miles down the road Jesus says to take your stone and place it in front of you.  He turns your “stone” into food.  You get very little because your stone is a pebble, others who were carrying bigger stones had much to eat because the food was commensurate to the size of the “stone.” Jesus now asks you to pick up another stone and follow Him. This time because you saw what He did for lunch you pick up the biggest stone you can find. You struggle and struggle. Finally, you get to a lake and Jesus says, “throw your stone in the lake.”   There is no food or any reward for carrying the big rock.  Jesus sees your frustration and He simple says, “All I asked you to do was follow me.”

As I was reading this sobbing, all God asked was, for me to follow Him. He also reminded me that the prescription came from man not God. God used it, but today I really know the meaning of the Proverbs.

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

You can make many plans,
    but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)

 

Church Planters Cape Coral FL

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if we had not moved we would have been disobedient.  But I am still human and as I was having a pity-party wondering what I had done wrong and why God had not healed me yet of my asthma symptoms, He reminded me that sometimes healing comes in the form of modern medicine I need to be okay with that and praise God for it.  And that the prescription for more Florida beach time was just a “sign” God used to get me ready for the next chapter our book He is writing with our lives.

To follow our church plant click the link  Restoration Christian Church

Puking up prayers

Monday night everything was going along just fine.  I had made dinner for Rob and me.

We sat in our chairs in the living room eating, talking about our day and what the week looked like.

When we were finished, I took the dishes to the kitchen.  Put away the leftovers. Cleaned up the kitchen. Then returned to my chair to continue in our nightly routine.

By 8pm my stomach was turning and dinner was not setting well with me.  I explained to Rob that I wasn’t feeling well and I was going to go lay down.

As I was lying in bed, holding my stomach. At this point I was wishing I was in labor, because then at least there would be a great reward at the end, but no, my stomach was churning and churning with no end in sight.  I cried out for Rob to get me the heating pad.  His response was one for the textbooks, “This won’t end well.”

I did not care, the heat felt marvelous.

“Hey Rob can you get me a bucket, just in case?”

As I laid there in the most excruciating pain I had had in a VERY VERY long time, I found myself praying.  No scratch that, begging and pleading to God to allow me to throw up, then at least I would feel better.

My stomach would churn some more and with every pain, I would cry out in desperation to God to allow me to just throw up.

By 9pm my prayer was answered and I will spare you the gory details of my next few hours.

After I was back from the dead, I was scrolling on Facebook and I came upon a post that caught my attention. John-Pat Fuller said

Word #1 DESPERATE

Then he went on to ask

HOW DESPERATE AM I?

ENOUGH TO REALLY PRAY?

 

These two questions have troubled and taunted me all week.  You see on Monday night I was so desperate, that I was crying out so desperately for God to intervene. He did and I was ever so grateful.  But why do I not pray daily, in desperation for God to answer?
Only I can answer that and I have been personally working on how I pray.

Here is the rest of John-Pat’s post:

What can actually be accomplished of spiritual value without prayer?
Is it possible that I have been trying to live my life still too much in my own strength?
Am I DESPERATE enough to want the Holy Spirit to teach me how to live out all of God’s commandments?
Do I Hunger and thirst for righteousness, or do I just hunger to have the desires of my flesh fulfilled?
Just how DESPERATE am I for an intimate relationship with God, to know His will and His way, and to walk in the Spirit?
Have I faced up to this truth, that only my amount of DESPERATION will determine the amount of His blessing on my life?
How do you answer the above questions?
Are you DESPERATE for His presence in a new and living way in your life?

 

My prayer is that we will become a people that will desperately seek His face.

Seek His truth.

Seek His answers for our lives.