The “UN” of Forgiveness that can hold you Hostage

Forgiveness is a funny thing.

Did you know that anger’s root cause is from Unforgiveness. I know this because I teach on it every day through The 180 Program.

A few years ago, and yes I just said a few years ago, I was in a meeting with a local pastor and a youth pastor. It was soon after my attack and I was dealing with PTSD and anxiety but at that time did not know how to differentiate the actual attack PTSD/ anxiety and the anxiety I started feeling in this meeting as I was being “challenged”.

I walked out of that meeting and vowed never to return. I would be cordial but I would not go out of my way to enter that building again as long as my life depended on it.

Today, in a state far from home at a conference far from home, that Pastor was teaching a workshop.

My body clenched and I was getting physically sick, but I heard God say…”you are to go to that workshop.”

Being obedient, I started walking in the direction of the classroom, without the security of my amazing husband, as he felt called to go to a different workshop.

I was one of the first to arrive and took a seat. Not to close and not too far back.

As the Pastor got up to speak, I felt my anxiety start to rise. I quietly prayed for God to intercede and allow me to listen and learn from this man of God.

As satan always does, “Did God really say that?”

You see God was telling me as I was praying, that I needed to approach this man and tell him the offense and ask for forgiveness for holding a grudge.

As the meeting was ending, I was calm in my spirit and I knew I needed to take my chance and talk with him. My prayer at this time was to keep my emotions at bay, and not let the crying start.

Well God did not answer that prayer, as I started to talk so did the tears. It was very simple: You know you hurt me that day. But more importantly I need to ask you to forgive me for harboring all these ill feelings.

He gave me a hug and asked for forgiveness also.

I walked out of that room feeling 100 lbs lighter than I have in years, but a something bigger was satan no longer had that control in my life.

Will we become buddy/buddy? Only the Lord knows. But satan no longer has that hold on my life where I don’t feel I can NEVER walk into that church again.

Sometimes you just need to GIVE-UP and QUIT

For Christmas I was given the opportunity to own a pair of “Designed by me” Oakley Sunglasses. I was so excited. I designed them to be maize and blue… just like my favorite football team, U of M.

I love how they look and now I would own a pair absolutely free, or were they?

You see, I have to wear glasses full- time. I need them for distance and I need them to read close up, so this is where the dilemma started.

How hard can it be to wear contacts?

My husband was encouraging but also said things like “how are you going to put in a contact? You can’t even put drops in your eyes.”

I was determined. I called and made an appointment for 2 hours later.

I am excited but also nervous.

I get through the appointment and the Doctor is saying things like “we will try, this first. If this does not work then we will try another route.” Basically he was saying because I have astigmatism in one eye and I wear bifocals, and I need glasses for distance, that we would be in a trial and error stage.

I sit down and watch the cartoon video on the do’s and don’ts of contact wearing and care.

The video finishes, I wash my hands and now the fun begins. I need to put in and take out my new contacts.

It takes a while, I get frustrated go figure… I am the one who cooks on HI so that it’ll get done faster, forgetting the fact it also burns and does not cook evenly. I breathe, pray, and finally the contacts are in.

The doctor looks at them, I can see at about 8 feet away, in a small confined room and I can see up close, not great, but I can see. I keep telling myself that I just need to get used to them.

I leave the office, walk out to the car and we start driving… oh this is not good, everything is blurry. I just need to get used to them, I keep telling myself.

Friday is a snowstorm so we are in all day, and Saturday I have to sit for a couple of hours through a training. I am so excited, I get to wear my new sunglasses. Wait a minute, I can’t read the street signs. Whats going on? I get to the training and I can’t read the HUGE powerpoint screen… I am talking a screen that you see in a Mission Control room, oh wait, it was in a state of the art command center, and I can’t read the powerpoint. I’ll spare you the details of trying to take them out (it took like 15 minutes).

Monday, comes and I call the doctor they can see me at 2pm.

“Ok, so that is not going to work”, he says. Lets try these. I put them in and take them right back out. NOPE.

“Ok so lets try this brand and now your left eye is for up close and your right eye is for distance.”

I said, you think my brain is going to like this?

The doctor said, people do it all the time.

OK, I was saying in my head, you are the doctor.

All the way home I had one hand partially over my right eye, just so I didn’t get sick trying to drive. I was willing to try this for 48 hours and see if my brain would rewire my eyes so that it would work, because the last resort were contacts for distance only and keep readers with me at all times.

About 5pm, I decided to take out my contacts. NOPE, not happening. I tried. I cried. I prayed. I made a pact with God. I was so desperate, that I had my husband even try to get the contacts out.

At 6:30, my husband and I were driving to the doctor’s office to get my contacts out of my eyes.

This morning as I was getting ready, I started dreading, not the putting in my contacts, but tonight the taking them out.

As I started to get my contacts out of their case, I heard God saying “you said, if I got them out, you would not put them back in.”

I immediately started thinking that I was a failure if I did not put those contacts in and that I let them win.

My word this year is “OVERCOMER” and I felt that if I gave up I was not overcoming.

I realized though, that I was being held hostage by a lie.

The lie was that if I quit, I was a quitter, I was a loser. I would some how be less than.

No, I needed to realize what truth was.

For me why would I continue to put contacts in my eyes, just so I could wear a really cool pair of sunglasses? The contacts, in reality were doing more to frustrate me, they were causing me headaches and according to the Doctor my prescription would never be exactly correct?

So my aha moment came over a pair of sunglasses, and contacts; what is it that you need to walk away from because it’s not healthy but because you are afraid of being labeled a quitter, a loser or thinking you will be thought less than; you continue with that unhealthy choice?

Be Thankful for your Pillow

A pillow is an object to lay your head on while sleeping. It may be used to prop ourselves up so we can read a book or watch TV while in bed.

I know I take having a pillow for granted, but I have also come to realize that my pillow has become a source of comfort.

With the ministry, we travel. We just finished back to back conferences and are getting ready to travel again and I at least know that at the end of the day, as I lay down my head, I will have a comfort of my own home…my pillow.

How many times have you seen a toddler with a tiny little pillow along with their blankie? They may take it to daycare or they may take it to Grandma’s house for the weekend, but it’s just a pillow right?

Wrong.

I have been teaching at our local women’s shelter and God shown me many things.

I have come to know many women who are not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but find themselves homeless. As I have heard their stories, I have realized that some were caught up in a cycle of dependency upon the government and for whatever reason they were never taught that the government system wasn’t the best answer. I also met women who had low self-esteem and self-confidence for various reasons and therefore followed the crowd. By following the crowd many of them ended up in relationships that were full of co-dependency and dysfunction.

As I have had the privilege of working with these women, I have also realized that when you are homeless, people come out to rescue you. While some of the services are necessary, the way they are provided do not empower or equip the homeless to become self-sufficient. Sadly, these actions can add to their low self-esteem that says: “I am not good enough.”

Then many come into the shelter at Christmas, thinking the homeless children need new toys. [ctt template=”12″ link=”506us” via=”no” ]Have you ever wondered what happens to the thousands of dollars’ worth of toys the homeless kids receive?[/ctt]

Did you know all their belongings need to fit in a locker not much bigger than the size of a high school locker? If this was me as a parent, I am pretty sure I would want the room in the locker reserved for clothing and essentials to life.

So why did I write this blog? And why did I start with a story of a pillow?

I hoped to share some of the realities facing someone who is homeless and would really like a hand up and not a hand out.

But a hand up isn’t easy. It requires working within systems that are already in place, even if you may not agree with the rules or policies. Case in point…a pillow. The security of a pillow. A soft, plush 1ft x 2ft bed of foam or feathers, where you lay your weary head at night. This is not a luxury afforded you when you live in some shelters. Pillows are not provided due to sanitary policies.

So here is my question, will you join me in equipping and empowering men and women living in shelters, transitional centers, jails/prisons, etc.? Will you invest the time and energy needed to help them become everything God created them to be? Will you help equip and empower them to see and fulfill their God given purpose? Will you help by giving them dignity and value?

For more information on how to provide services that can create sustainable change click here to order a copy of the book Breaking the Broken.

Or feel free to fill out this form to receive more information.

Being alone in a Dark Place

Do you remember a time when you were in a dark place?

Did you have anyone you could really talk to about the truth?

I have had dark days, maybe even a dark week or two…but 2013-14 were probably 2 of my darkest years.

Here are 2 of my status from this date in 2013

“I covet your prayers. The past 2 months have finally caught up to me. To tell you how bad it has been…. I still have wet clothes sitting in a broken down washing machine, my oil change was due over 6 thousand miles ago…. And I am the person that as soon as I hit 5 thousand I get my oil changed. Then to top it off we got hit with another doozie yesterday…. And we also have to be out of our office by Thursday…I know the verses “all things work together for the good…..”and resting in the fact that Satan had to get permission before any of this happened. I wish I had a crystal ball to see the end, but right now I feel I have nothing left to give. Thank you for your prayers.”

“You know you must be bad if the technician at Jiffy Lube asked if you were ok”

These statuses were 10 months into owning a restaurant that we bought for the sole purpose of helping people get back on their feet.

We did not buy it to become a huge corporation and make lots of money, we used it as a training site so people who were reentering the workforce could have a safe place to learn things like integrity, perseverance, reliability etc…

Here is the reasoning behind that dark time.

We surely thought that there would be many on board to support the restaurant because we were helping people to get back on their feet and become productive members of society.

Well unfortunately this was farthest from the truth.

We did not gain business that we thought would be a no brainer. Some of the reasoning’s were we could not beat the fast food pizza prices and also because we sold beer.

We were also told by people because we had “those” people working for us they would never come back. And they didn’t. They would park in front of our store every week and walk to the Chinese restaurant.

We also did field trips and because we had “felons” work for us this certain group that took federal funding could not come back ever. Really?

Then when we did raise our prices to cover the rising cost of food, people got even more upset.

Let me give you one example. Cheese. When we started a box of cheese cost $50/ box, by the time we sold it, the same box of cheese cost $90/box. And that was just one item, but it goes on EVERY pizza.

And to top it off, the ministry lost 30% of its funding.

During this time, I was alone and needed support.

There were days where I could have given up, driving home I would think “just run the van into this ditch, or this pole… No one would care and I will be out of this darkness.”

This was a dark time, but when you do ministry you cannot be honest. You have to smile and make believe everything is amazing and great.

I am grateful that I did not allow satan to win. I am grateful I am on this side of that darkness. Many unfortunately do not make it to this side of the darkness. Please be in tuned to those ministry leaders you support. To those people you call friends. Watch for warnings of darkness, burn out and compassion fatigue. Be a true friend and don’t accept their answer of “I’ll be ok” or “it’ll be ok.”

If you are a ministry leader and have never heard of compassion fatigue, please look into it. Here is a link to a test by the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©

**if you are in ministry and don’t feel you have any one to talk to please reach out to someone**

If you are a Ministry Leader and would like my husband and I to pray for you please fill out this form.

Worthy

If you were guaranteed success and money was taken care of, what would you do with your life?
Many of us had dreams when we were younger and for whatever reason they were dashed by the time we became adults.
We were either told, you can’t become a princess because they only exist in fairy tales or you were told to be realistic because you aren’t tall enough, skilled enough or thin enough to become “that”.

Do you remember being a kid and saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me?” Now that I teach life recovery classes on a daily basis to people who are overcoming addictions, abuse or negative cycles of life, I realize that whoever wrote that was trying real hard to do the “Positive Self-talk” or they were trying to strengthen their child because of the horrible parenting they had done. Whatever the reason, if we are really honest with yourselves the words of, “you can’t do that”, “that will never work”, or “you’re not good enough”, still haunt us today and we may find ourselves stuck on this cycle of letting life happen.

I teach every week in the darkest corners of the United States, in our jails and prisons. I know what hopeless looks like. I know what oppression feels like. I also know what it is to be locked up inside my own prison filled with doubt and self-sabotage.

To know me, you would never guess I deal with the feeling of being worthless. I am full of self-confidence because I am a survivor. I have survived being abused as a teen by my stepfather. I overcame the feelings of abandonment by my father. I survived being neglected by the church, because I didn’t know all the hidden rules and I didn’t fit in, which just added to my feeling of worthlessness. I even overcame feelings of neglect as my husband worked 3 jobs and the emotional trauma of marital infidelity from both my husband and I. And just when I thought God was finished, I became the survivor of a gang attack in 2011 which has produced PTSD.

To be a survivor, you can have all the confidence in the world. But self-esteem is an estimate of yourself, and if you have been beat down by words and events, you start to believe this as truth about yourself.

This year my husband and I read a book called “One Word that will change your life” by Jon Gordon, Dan Britton and Jimmy Page. My word this year is “Worthy”. I started 2016 by repeating that “I am worthy of: (and then I would journal what I was worthy of), after a couple of weeks I realized that in order to overcome the “less than feelings of unworthiness” I needed to start taking a serious look at who I was internally and ask myself “Do I even love myself?”

Old habits are hard to break and one of my biggest habits is self-sabotage. The definition of sabotage is deliberate destruction. So if you put the word “self” in front of that you get “deliberate self-destruction”. When you couple self-sabotage and low self-esteem with a high self-confidence you find in a survivor, the results can actually be disastrous.

I have around me a support system that I can call on when my days don’t go so great. The challenge for many is that they look so put together on the outside, that they can’t be honest with what’s going on inside and all the while they are dying for someone to say “it’s okay, you do not have to be all put together for me”.

Please don’t go another day without reaching out to someone if you are that person dying inside. For more information about The 180 Program that we use everyday please click here.

If you want more information about having me speak for your women’s group or retreat please fill out the following form.

The Kendall Factor: A legacy of Faith

This past April I had the privilege of spending a week at the beach with all my husbands brothers and sisters, their spouses, mom and dad and another couple who grew up knowing the Kendall’s. It was here that the friend brought up the term, “The Kendall Factor.” What did he mean by “The Kendall Factor?” All 16 people sitting at that table are devoted to Christ and continuing the legacy of the Kendall family. I am not a Kendall by birth, I am a Kendall by marriage. For the longest time it was just the name I was given when the preacher pronounced us man and wife.

Most know that Robs and my marriage did not start off on the best of feet. I was pregnant. We hadn’t known each other long and to make matters worse, Robs mom and dad found out we were getting married when I called to ask what my soon to be father-in-laws middle name was becuase I needed it for the invitations. There has been many more rocky roads in this 31 years BUT GOD is all I can say.

I know that for the past 3 decades, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my marriage has been prayed for by my in-laws.

When you are young and living life things doesn’t really sink in, but now today things have changed. I realized I am a Kendall. This past weekend I read a book written by Robs grandfather. Its like an autobiography/tales from the road, but in reality it was much more than that. It was about a legacy that started in the late 1800’s when Rob’s Great-Grandfather was saved.

I laughed, I cried and by the end of the book I mourned.

Grandpa’s dad, was saved in the late 1800’s. He was out in the woods when he gave his life to Christ, (maybe that is why Rob loves the woods so much). Here is the story as told by Grandpa

My father was converted at age 20 while alone in the woods. At that time, he was attending a church where a cuspidor (a large bowl, often of metal, serving as a receptacle for spit, especially from chewing tobacco) was kept by the pulpit for the worldly pastor, and where board members sometimes became so heated in argument they would pull off their coats. Fathers testimony must have been a shocker. He said, “The Lord saved me from chewing tobacco and getting mad”. The people responded, saying, “Bert, we believe you are in earnest, but don’t you think you have gone too far?”

The same Jesus that saved my Great-Grandfather that day can and will deliver you but you have to be willing. Great-Grandpa was willing and he actually then moved to a different church and became a circuit pastor.

First conviction: When “church people” are telling you to not take it too far when you have been freed from something, do you stand your ground and find where God would have you to worship or do you allow their worldly behaviors to make you think “maybe God doesn’t really require me to give up these things?”

Great-Grandmother prayed for her children. She actually said that she was convinced before Walter was even born that she knew he would be a preacher, and Grandpa says that is why he was named Walter Sellew after a “bishop of her church”.

Next conviction: Do we pray for and over our children like that?

We get caught up in our daily lives, I get that; but why do we not pray for our children’s lives before we have them? And I mean specific prayers of doing great things?

Back to the story:

At 16 Grandpa was running away from his faith. The only reason he went to a camp meeting that afternoon was because he heard that Ruth Johnson was going to be there (he had met her earlier, but he got sick and had to return home to heal). Grandpa says it was a dreary afternoon, someone trying to preach and suddenly he saw himself as a sinner sliding into Hell. He goes on to say ” my mothers prayers for me must have been with me, for all I had been taught about God became real to me”. In his book he then said these words became meaningful to him :

There is a spot to me more dear,
Than native vail or mountain:
A spot for which affection’s tear
Springs grateful from its fountain.
Its not the place of kindred minds,
Though that is almost heaven;
But where I first my Savior found
and felt my sins forgiven.

Religion had only been a teaching “Thou Shall NOT”, then suddenly the world became new to me and I was never the same again.

As I read this story of my grandfather-in-laws life, I found myself yearning more and more for this life of faith, this life led by the Holy Spirit, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I don’t mean he was speaking in tongues or jumping pews, he had a faith knowing that Jesus heals, that Jesus provides, that Jesus nudges us to live a life full of holiness. I wanted this filling. I don’t want the head knowledge but the filled with the Holy Spirit in my heart so full that is exudes through every pore of my body. The filling of the Holy Spirit that when you are not being pure and right that you can’t sleep until you make it right.

Here are memes I made while reading the book.

One of the quotes that I felt convicted of was do I pray, “Lord if you will make it plain, I will do it?” Grandpa was talking about being truthful and publicly placing on the alter his sin of the heart. Pride, conceit, carnal fear, and carnal ambition. It was during a camp meeting and the first words the Evangelist that night said not once but used it over and over in the 15 minutes he spoke: John 2:5 “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

As the Evangelist was done speaking, Grandpa got up, stated his need, begged to be forgiven and asked for prayer. In his book, Grandpa said, “At the alter satan taunted me saying” you have made a fool of yourself. You will have to get up and go on as you are”.

As I read this I realized how many times satan keeps us in our fear to seriously ask God to forgive us because we don’t see God for who He is and what He is calling us to do.

To end this, I realized while reading this book that I am part of a legacy that was started in the late 1800’s.

What am I doing to continue this legacy?

I panicked and became the church

In 2011 I was in an interview that would change my life.

We were in what I have named, “the weekend from hell”.

During this weekend, little sleep was given and you were put to all kinds of tests. The objective was to see if you were called to plant a church.

Even though I can’t go into many details of the weekend, I want to share this one event, because even today, 5 years later I think back to that day and say, “Who was that, that was not me.”

My task was to teach a mock Sunday school class. I had to come up with original material and it could not be anything I had already written or taught on. I stayed up late preparing and was excited for the task the next day.

The day progressed and it was finally my time. I was being judged and in my class was the wife of the leader. I was so nervous because this was a church planting assessment, so I had picked a good ole church passage and church lesson. I was all out of sorts, because if you know me this is NOT how I write or teach. I share from my heart; I share what God has been showing me. I DON’T flat out make up a Sunday school lesson.

The participants were kind as I started and was fumbling along. Then out of left field, one of the participants took on a “character” that was definitely not someone who would voluntarily come to church.

This characters line of questioning and her answers threw me and I panicked. My husband said, “I would not have believed it if hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. You panicked and became the church.”

There was no compassion to find out who this person was. There was no, “Hey’ let’s get lunch afterwards.” There was no, “Lets finish this lesson, because it sounds like you have many questions, maybe we could meet for coffee.”

No it was—- well we will put the lesson aside and you WILL become a Christian, right here….right now.

Needless to say I flunked that interview, but what I did learn was that I cannot change the way I teach Bible because I was being interviewed. God has gifted me to use real life situations, accompanied with His word to bring people to a transformed way of living and ultimately into relationship with Him. For that I am eternally grateful.

The valuable lesson I learned that day; stay true to how God created me to teach His word.

So you want to start an Inner-City Youth program

In 2003, God called my husband and me away from 2, 6 figure incomes to become Stateside Missionaries. For the past 13 years I have given my all to families who are broken. My children have commented, at times, it felt like I cared more for the moms than I did my own family.

My husband has written a book called “Breaking the Broken: Debunking the Myth of Social Justice”. This book is not just a tidbit of our story, but more importantly Gods plan to redeem the poor to dignity by walking with them in relationship. The challenge comes when everyone has their own idea of how things are to work instead of using Jesus as our example. Jesus healed people. Jesus gave people dignity. Jesus empowered people to take care of themselves.

As I sat in court this morning my heart broke not just for the kids, but also for the mothers, because both are a product of their environment.

I tell people all the time that most of the moms we work with are just children in parent bodies. They are trying to navigate life without the needed tools.

How do we change this?

Have we ever considered expanding your Inner-City Youth programs and making them Inner-City Family Programs?

While having fun with kids is important, did you include the parents? Did you know that there could have been a father figure in the home? Did you know that you just added to his belief that he will never be a good enough father?

Did you know that the mom would have absolutely loved to be invited to the “mother-daughter” outing?

An inner-city youth program to be successful, to break the chains off, needs to be intentional: family style. I mean everyone sit down to the dinner table and become vulnerable to each other.

A truly successful ministry results in families being given the tools to make it on their own through sustainable life services.

Thirteen years ago, we were told by prominent pastors in the area that Against the Grain would never work. We needed to go back to work and take care of ourselves. That the moms were just going to take advantage of us because they truly did not want to change. As we continued to serve the moms, helping them to get education and jobs (sustainable changes), other churches and non-profits would start working in the same neighborhood just giving everything away. There was no training, just vehicles showing up, opening their back ends and flooding the neighborhoods with all the free stuff, one could want. So why would anyone want to learn or try for themselves, when if they just waited a few days, people would show up and give them things?

We met with those that were coming into the neighborhood, because if we worked together and quit giving everything away, there could be sustainable change in the lives of the moms and therefore the children.

I was told that I did not know what I was talking about and the giveaways would continue. Equipping people to break free from the cycles of poverty is an uphill battle and the constant giveaway programs made it nearly impossible. We chose to refocus our efforts and work to repair the damage give away programs had created. While we continued our relationships in the community we started working with men and women that were incarcerated or previously incarcerated.

Where are those organizations today? They have long gone onto the next thing, left the neighborhood and in turn left the moms worse than they were. Many of them were on course to do something with their lives, but missed their window of opportunity.

Did you know you only have 5 years to get off the government system? With an action plan one can go to school, get an education and graduate with a Bachelor’s degree before losing all benefits from the government. Many of these women lost this opportunity and are now struggling to survive.

Today as I sat in court, my heart broke because the church has failed. I have failed. I allowed others to dictate the outcome. I allowed the words of others to impact my ability to fight for those we had so passionately adopted as daughters and grandchildren.

You may be thinking you want the fast easy way to change a life but change takes time. Breaking the cycles of poverty is not a microwave dinner.

Relationship is messy and you cannot pick and choose what part of the inner-city family you are going to work with. Life change takes a holistic approach. You cannot change one without working with the rest of them; that is NOT the way inner-city relationships work.

God has shown me that I have a voice in this fight. God has allowed all this transition to take place so we can become even more fruitful for His Kingdom.

I still work with moms and children, I still work in jails, halfway homes and transitional centers. I still teach in homeless shelters and low income communities, but in order to be the most effective for God, it is time to train those who want to start an effective Inner-City Family Program. After all, Jesus equipped and trained others to go and do.

They didn’t choose to be Homeless

In November I started teaching the women at the local homeless shelter. I was excited to be a teacher of Job Readiness and Parenting. The Job Readiness class is about to wrap up and has been very successful. The parenting class though has been a different story.

We started with week 1 and there were 4 women in class but 2 of them had their children with them. When I inquired why these children were not with the rest of the children I was told “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”.

The 2^nd week the children were once again in the class, I asked why the children were in the parenting class when a group had come to have a Christmas party with ALL the children. The answer again was “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”. So I proceeded to sit down to teach and the 2 other women, whose children were allowed to participate said, “If there are going to be children in the class, then I won’t come”. They stood up and left.

That night instead of teaching about parenting I told my families story of an unruly teenager. How we had her locked up before her senior year in high school and how she could have chosen to quit after high school. I talked about how she kept plugging away and did graduate just last year with a Bachelor’s Degree. I told them about owning a pizzeria and what I learned there. We were all over the map with discussion and stories, but at the end of the night that group of pre-teens/teens asked if I would teach them about jobs, anger and getting along (basically these were the subjects we touched on during my talk). I was so excited and got approval to come back the following week to teach the teens.

When I walked into the shelter that Tuesday evening I was ushered quickly upstairs to the kids room. They asked “now what is the lowest age group you want?”

What, excuse me? After comprehending that they thought I was here for all the children I said “I am here for just the two families and their children?”

To which I was told “I am sorry but they are not allowed to participate in any activity with the other children”.

As I sat there in this empty room I was overcome with all types of emotions… but the main emotion I felt was sadness. I had let those kids down. I promised I would be back to teach them. I had the relationship with them, and now I was in a room with pre-teens and teens that had NO relationship with me so why would they listen to me.

I quickly decided that God had me here so I was going to make the best of it and figure out the rest later.

A few sat down at the tables, a couple in the chairs up against the wall, and one of the youngest came and sat on the built-in bookshelf right next to me.

We chit chatted for a bit and then we talked about rules and why there are rules.

We talked about anger and how we need to control it. We also talked about things we could do when we got angry that did not include hitting someone or something.

We talked about fathers and relationships with their dads. The youngest one sitting right next to me blurted out “I don’t have a dad, I have a sperm donor”. My heart sank when I heard that, because I knew those were the words of his mother or mother’s family.

I realized that these kids were all angry in their own way. Some have been labeled “trouble makers” and it’s easier to live up to that label than to let someone get close because they don’t know what tomorrow has in store. They did NOT ask to be homeless. Nobody asked them if they wanted their life to have to fit into a locker. Their mothers for whatever reason have chosen to live in this shelter. Their lives are always in a state of flux with no personal space to call their own. If their mother gets angry at a rule she can yank the kids up out of their seats and storm out, not to be let in again til the next day. If their mother happens to find “love” they could find their things at a complete strangers one night and back at the shelter the next because “love” didn’t work. Some are in the shelter because their mother stated it was better to be homeless living in a shelter in Nashville than staying in Michigan or Ohio.

So what’s the answer? Relationships.

Healthy relationships with the moms and the kids.

And where will these relationships come from? The church

If you are interested in becoming a part of the solution please contact us. We will train you and your volunteers. We will give you the tools to allow you to be an in an equipping relationship and make sustainable changes in the lives of hurting families.

Missionaries can be Stateside too

When someone is a missionary, they are like special forces behind enemy lines….this goes for stateside missionaries too.

This past week I was one of 5 speakers for a luncheon. As I was preparing for the talk, Rob asked me what the topic was supposed to be; I said I was not sure if there was a theme. Then he asked how long do you have; again I said, I am not sure.

All I knew was that lunch was on Friday and I was the “stateside missionary” speaking.

As we were traveling to the conference we started the process of writing down different things, so that no matter what the topic was to be, I would be prepared.

We arrived at the conference, and found out that lunch was on Friday at noon, in the Marriott.

The conference started and our booth was bustling with people and I never got around to asking the 2 very important questions.
1) how much time?
2) what was the topic?

I arrived at the luncheon and decided now was probably a good time to at least ask how long and when do I speak.

Luckily, I was last and I had only 7 minutes. I can wing this, I said to myself. The MC gets up and says “now you will hear from our missionaries”. What no lead in, no question, no nothing….just tell us what’s on your heart.

It was finally my time to speak and as I stood up, I felt the lump in my throat rising. All I could think was, how am I going to speak for 7 minutes when I don’t think I am going to be able to say the first words with out the tears starting.

I was wrong, the tears waited for me to start talking and feel somewhat comfortable, then they started.

So’s why was this hard?

It was hard because the last week in ministry leading up to this event was extremely difficult.

We had a mom who was desperately trying to make ends meet, almost losing her housing. The price tag for that was over $1700. After all the pleas that went out and the mom putting in over 10% of her own money, we only raised $800 of it. So as a ministry we covered it in hopes that the money would come in to replace it. It hasn’t, but she has a roof over her head and a budget to stick to and they are NOT homeless.

We had a mom overdose and was being buried while we were away.

Then, the computer we use crashed right before the big presentation.

Usually, I would be able to get some time alone with the Lord, pray, journal, sleep and be refreshed the next day. This was not the case. Everyday seemed to bring even more darkness.

Then it hit me the notes from the car ride about being a stateside missionary. They were raw emotion being verbalized. For so long you just do and don’t think, but when you see things on paper they become real and even started hurting, especially because I was so tired and felt so alone.

Here are some of our notes and what I am realizing is that they are true for many stateside missionaries.

So if you or your church supports a stateside missionary please ask God how you might encourage them this year and for as long as they are on the front lines.

When you are a stateside missionary you do not get invited to speak at churches through out the U.S. when you come home on furlough, to be asked how’s it going, and how can we support you even more.

Most don’t acknowledge the work of a stateside missionary so therefore very few outside your own hometown support the work.

Stateside missionaries don’t get care packages.

One of the biggest challenges stateside missionaries have is that of resources. Sometimes we think it would be easier to do the work in a third-world county without the resources available, instead of knowing they are available but not being allowed to use them.

Stateside missionaries never get to go back home to take a break.

When wanting to help a stateside missionary, make sure that your idea is a help and not creating more work for the stateside missionary.

Most stateside missionaries feel isolated and alone, even living in a 1st world country.

This list is by no means an exhaustive list…these are just things that came quickly as we were brainstorming “what do you want the church to know about stateside missionaries“.

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