Reese’s Story Part 2

Not many people knew what we were facing starting at 20 weeks into Amanda’s pregnancy. We prayed for healing. We prayed for miracles. We wanted so bad for God to show up in a mighty way and prove the doctors wrong. In my humanness I could say that God failed me. Again in my human nature I could be mad and blame God for making us have to grieve this way…but I can’t… all I can say is

But God….

Let me preface all this with… I was still praying for a miracle of healing. I am also a planner by personality and I didn’t want anyone having to make decisions while attempting to grieve.

I reached out to a couple who were high school classmates. Their job is helping people plan their funerals before the time is needed. I felt they would be a great resource and boy was I correct. Within the hour they had already spoken to and given me the name of a funeral home. This home, when they first began made it a mission to make sure that infants who passed would be taken care of with dignity and respect. When I first made contact, they prayed with me over the phone asking God for a miracle of healing as well. We ended the phone call with, “I pray you don’t have to call me back.” Unfortunately I did have to call them back and once again, the first thing she did was pray with us. They were amazing to work with and even made sure we had Reese’s ashes in time for the memorial.

The second phone call I made was to the hospital where Reese would be born. I wanted to make sure that if the need arises there would be social workers, grief counselors and because they were very involved in a church we knew we didn’t need chaplain services. Not only did Sarah the social worker check on Amanda the day of Reese’s birth and death, she gave us her cell number if we needed her. Prior to the birth, she also had started the approval process for Amanda’s two younger children to be allowed in her room. And only as God can do, He had our nurse that day all of a sudden forget how to count. The new rule is only 2 people in the room at a time, at one time we had 10.

The third phone call was to a nonprofit called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They are professional photographers who give of their time to provide the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby. Not only did God provide an amazing photographer, she was also certified to be in the operating room during birth. This nonprofit gave an amazing gift of a story through pictures.

On February 5 the day before Reese was born. This was from the calendar that Amanda has sitting on her counter.

Before you ever came into being, God had a purpose in mind for you.

On February 6 Reese’s birth and death date from the same daily calendar.

As God alone watched your body being formed in your mothers womb, he already knew what was ahead.

If you didn’t know what was going on in our lives at this time, they may have just been words on a page but for us knowing in the next 24 hours what we would be in for, it was another reminder that God was in control and He already had it ordained.

On Monday February 6th waiting for the arrival of Reese we really didn’t know what to expect. Based upon pictures off the internet we weren’t even sure photographs would be an option. Then the most precious picture arrived.

He was perfect and breathing on his own. Two by two (due to updated regulations since 2020) we got to go up to the room to spend some quality time. That continued for just a short time when the nurse told Ryan she didn’t know how to count today at which time we all emptied our staging area in the cafeteria and embarked upon floor 4, room 4219. God had given us the perfect day to spend together as family and friends as we weren’t expecting the gift of life for a day.

As we all emptied the room and only mom, dad and baby were left, God gave them seven more glorious hours to pray over, to love on and to cherish his short sweet life and at 10:36pm, he took his last breath and entered into the loving arms of Jesus.

The next morning was tough. We had to explain to Reagan, our six year old grandson and Reese’s older brother, that even though Reese looked perfect, he was not really perfect and had passed away and was now with Jesus. His first response was to cry and say he would miss him. Then just that quick he turned and said “are you kidding me right now?” He then got up off the couch and matter of factly told us he needed to get ready for school.

After the car rider line we proceeded to pack up anything newborn. It was our daughter’s wish that all baby items be donated to the local crisis pregnancy center.

Arriving at the side door where donations are dropped off, I knocked and waited to be called in. Walking in, I stated that I had donations to drop off and I would attempt to get through this without crying. I only got out the words, “my daughter had her son yesterday and….” without missing a beat the worker asked if I was the Osburn’s. I was shocked and told her it was my daughter. The next statement blew me away. “I don’t know your daughter, but we have been praying and have been hearing of her faith during this time.”

I couldn’t help but get tearful again, but this time for a different reason. Her faith. She had pressed into her faith. Over and over again during the pregnancy she would tell me that God was going to do God and that she had faith he would take care of it how He saw fit. At another time she told me that until she knew for sure, she was going to focus on the three beautiful children that were right in front of her and be present in their lives.

Over and over again in the next few days this was the theme, pressing into their faith and knowing God is in control.

People who were watching from afar texted and told how they had walked away from their faith and blamed God for all that was going on in their life but watching this unfold gave them a renewed hope to walk back to God and not blame Him but to ask Him how He would use them.

Not many people knew what was going on with my daughters pregnancy, but after Reese’s passing it was said, “now I understand your daughters Facebook posts”

The day after Reese had passed Amanda wrote this and shared a meme of Tim Tebow’s

This is a great reminder this morning as God took our son home last night at 10:36pm to be healed. We enjoyed so many things with him.

Our last time being pregnant

Our Last ultrasounds

14 hours he got to spend with our family and us.

He can now see, talk, walk, and run with our relatives that were waiting for him at the pearly gates of Heaven.

Yes it hurts to know we are leaving the hospital childless, however we know this is a see you later not a goodbye forever.

Over the next few days it was amazing to watch my daughter and son-in-love press into their faith and have hope in the pain of grief.

During the week before the memorial someone had sent us the Biblical meaning of Reese and Edward.

Reese means: Inspired by God; Zealous;

Edward means: Guardian or Protector

Now that we are a week out from the memorial, grief overcomes me in the weirdest ways. A song. A smell. A picture. Or even a newborn baby.

As I was watching a movie the other night, a son had defied his fathers wishes to follow in his footsteps. He instead followed his dreams. I caught myself wondering what Reese would have grown up to do with his life.

God whispered, Reese fulfilled his life’s purpose. He brought people back to Me.

In just 14 short hours Reese pointed people to Jesus in ways that were unimaginable. As I think about that I am embarrassed to ask if I have been that productive in my over five decades?

Reese’s Story part 1

Have you ever had a day that was filled with grief and joy all in the same day?

Recently I had not just one such day, but two in the same week.

On Saturday February 11, 2023 we had a memorial service for our 8th grandchild who was only 14 hours old when he went to be with the Lord. This day was filled with grieving but also a joy knowing that Reese Edward was with the Lord. He was no longer blind. He was no longer brain dead. He was alive and whole. Even though this seemed to be a finale, it was just the beginning of a whole new season. To fully understand this, I need to go back to a doctor’s appointment when my daughter was 20 weeks pregnant.

During this scheduled ultrasound it was detected that Baby O (this was his name to everyone) had what seemed to be fluid on the brain. Because of this detection my daughter was transferred to a high risk doctor at Tennessee Maternal Fetal Medicine.

At 23 weeks an amniocentesis was performed and the fluid on the brain was confirmed as hydrocephalus. We were ecstatic to have a diagnosis and a plan of action. Deliver the baby via C-section and have a brain surgeon on standby for emergency surgery to insert a shunt in Baby O to relieve the pressure. And besides the club foot they had also found, which again would be taken care of after birth to correct, Baby O would lead a normal life.

However, during continued doctors appointments, it became apparent that Baby O would need to be under the care of a hospital and a team of doctors equipped to handle the unknown, so their care was transferred to Vanderbilt. It was here that another ultrasound, at 32 weeks, confirmed it was in fact NOT hydrocephalus, but it was a combination of things and no one had a name for it.

If you looked at the list that was on my daughters patient portal and googled them, you came up with most of the items pointed to Dandy- Walker Syndrome. In researching we knew people who had full lives, they were special needs, but it wasn’t life threatening. The team didn’t want to speculate so a Fetal MRI was scheduled. The earliest they could get her in was January 19th, 2023.

On January 21, 2023 the outcome was listed on my daughter’s patient portal and it didn’t sound good. I am not a doctor but I knew based upon googling the items our outlook had just been altered. The list actually ended up being looked at by a nurse and her response was “has anyone mentioned ‘heroic life saving measures’?”

These words started messages being left for someone to return a call to explain what was going on. The call finally came and another “team meeting” was called for January 30, 2023.

At 38 weeks, my daughter was hooked up to machines to monitor the baby’s heartbeat which was normal and strong and another ultrasound had just been completed. The doctors made their way into her room to discuss the findings of the ultrasound which just confirmed the Fetal MRI. She and her husband would need to start making decisions. Baby O had no brain activity and would only live with medical intervention for the rest of his life, however long that was.

They made the decision of a DNR and to allow God to work in whatever way He chose. The C-section was scheduled for the following Monday at 8am and Baby O was given little chance of ever taking a breath.

During the final week before baby O a diagnosis would finally be given. At one of the many doctors appointments they were able to take DNA from both mom and dad, and they still had liquid left from the amniocentesis. It was sent to Columbia University for research and on Wednesday February 1, 2023 they called and told us that Baby O had Walker Warburg syndrome which is a very rare condition of Muscular Dystrophy and that he had an extreme case. It was reiterated again he would most likely never take a breath.

But God….

On February 6th at 8:38 am Reese Edward was born. He not only took a breath but he kept breathing for almost exactly 14 hours before he passed into the arms of Jesus where he is happy and whole.

Living for the Sonrise

My husband is the baby of seven and in 2015 we started taking a sibling family vacation to the Outer Banks. Rob’s mom and dad, who are in their 90’s, also join the fun week at the beach. So when I heard what sounded like feet scuffling around before sunrise, I jumped up to check.

To my surprise it was just the oldest brother and brother-in-law standing in front of the windows looking out towards the ocean.

Pink.

Purple.

Orange.

Blue.

Yellow.

For fifteen minutes I was mesmerized and took photos from every angle. I even ventured out to the ocean. I thought the show was over so I decided a cup of coffee was in order. I am not sure what exactly happened to make me turn around and look one more time, but I am glad I did; the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon of the ocean.

The colors were breathtaking. So I joined the picture taking posse

The colors were even more stunning as the actual sun made its appearance for the day.

I then realized that all the prior shades that painted the sky was just the precursor to the sun rising and the beauty it brought.

This made me think of my walk with the Lord on a daily basis. I love watching the Lord work in my life, but this is just a precursor to what my eternal life will be.

My prayer is that I never tire of the waiting, turn my back and miss the Sonrise.

Why do I even bring this up?

My heart has been saddened recently as acquaintances and those who are considered celebrity Chrisitians have walked away from and even denounced their faith.

Over the years there have been preachers/teachers with pretty big platforms that have taught things like the Bible is not the Word of God. They have taught that Hell is not really real. And there are denominations that preach that you can live how you wish and still make it to heaven.

I can’t even imagine how this must break the Fathers heart but Jesus teaches that there is an enemy who is roaming.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

God’s Word also teaches in John 10 that there is a thief whose purpose is to kill, steal and destroy. It also teaches in Matthew 7 that there are wolves who come in sheep’s clothing

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Matthew 7:15 (NIV)

In Timothy, Paul writes

For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:3 (NLT)

But before that in 2 Timothy, Paul writes this about people who are false teachers.

They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires. (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.) 2Timothy 3:6-7 (NLT)

As a woman who was burdened with guilt of sin and controlled by various desires, I am grateful for a husband who grew up in the church and teaches the truth of scriptures. He in turn has taught me to be discerning because today the world we live in has more wolves disguised as sheep than I ever thought possible and according to the Word… it will only get worse.

So my prayer is that you will have the stamina to watch the beauty of God working in your life on a daily basis and be eagerly waiting when our Bridegroom returns.

Lord Heal Our Land

The house was dark and quiet and it felt like I had just fallen asleep but yet as I rolled over I was wide awake. It was five in the morning. I had been telling God that I wanted to start getting up early to really get some great study time in so now I had a choice.

The alarm wasn’t going to go off for another hour, but God nudged me about my saying I wish I had more time.

I made my coffee and sat down in my chair. Purposely I laid my phone out of reach and turned it face down. Facebook is my kryptonite, and it is a habit I need to break.

As I started to journal I found myself not really praying for family and friends, but for our land.

Many times this year I have either heard or seen this snippet of a prayer, “Oh Lord Heal Our Land.”

Knowing these words in some form or fashion were in the Bible, I grabbed my phone and googled the words “heal our land”. At first it came up with Youtube videos for songs and lyrics, so I advanced my search to add the word “Scripture.”

It took me to 2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

As I read that scripture I was convicted that once again… we want the blessing of the passage and gloss right over the requirements on our part.

God appeared to Solomon (vs 12) and told him that “IF” my people. Unfortunately all our prayers have been “God heal our land.”

I want to look at the “If my people statements.”

If my people will humble themselves

To humble ourselves means to think less of ourselves. As I was studying the passage in Second Chronicles it referenced Leviticus 26:41.

When I have turned their hostility back on them and brought them to the land of their enemies, THEN AT LAST their stubborn hearts will be humbled and they will pay for their sins. (NLT)

Have we had stubborn hearts? Have we made everything about grace and not living a holy life?

If my people will pray.

I am not sure about you but I pray. But my prayers sometimes get to be more about my Christmas List than a dangerous prayer like the one we find in Psalms 139

Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139:23-24 (NIV)

Are we willing to ask in prayer; God search me. If there is any offensive way in me…. lead me in the way of everlasting?

If my people will seek My face

To seek means that we attempt to find. Do we attempt to find God? Years ago there was a saying from a popular bible study that went something like this, “find where God is and join Him.”

Again I am not sure about you, but if I am being honest, I do more leading and asking God to follow.

In 1st Chronicles 16 verse 11 is states:

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face ALWAYS. (NIV)

How do we seek His face always? One way I believe is to use the Holy Spirit that dwells in us as believers, in our lives daily. The job of the Holy Spirit is to teach, guide, comfort and intercede. I think we need to get back to asking the Holy Spirit to be our teacher instead of google, the pastor or even our friends.

If my people will turn from their wicked ways….

We live in a fallen world. We have since Adam and Eve. There are many hot topics today and I have seen more hurt especially this year (2020) than I think I have seen in years combined.

Instead of banning together as brothers and sisters in Christ we have allowed satan to find the cracks in our personal foundations and quickly expose them for what they are, living in our wicked ways. And just as satan was planning, we are sprinting into our wicked ways.

In Zechariah 1:4 God is talking and says,

“Do not be like your ancestors, to whom the earlier prophets proclaimed: This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Turn from your evil ways and your evil practices.’ But they would not listen nor pay attention to me, declares the LORD. (NIV)

So what are our evil practices? I am not going to use the clobber verses from Galatians 5, we know those all too well and we use them when it is convenient to shame others. But what I will say is that we need to take a strong look in ourselves and start ridding ourselves of our worldly ways.

There is an old proverb that many think is in scripture somewhere that says, “Don’t be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good.

When I googled to find the address of that verse, I was met with three verses, and the quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord , because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (NIV)

Galatians 5:1 which states

that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (NIV)

And the bomb was Philippians 1:27

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. (NIV)

Nowhere do I see that we aren’t to be too heavenly minded. What I do see is that we are to stand firm. Conduct ourseves in a manner worthy of the gospel of CHRIST. And give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord.

Before we pray for God to heal our land, I think we need to start looking deep into ourselves and ask if we have bought into the “don’t be so heavenly minded” that now we ARE so earthly minded that we are no heavenly good.

2 Chronicles 7 also referenced back to chapter 6 where it also said that we need to

Humble ourselves by admitting our sins
Pray to God, asking for forgiveness
Seek God continually
And turn from our sinful behaviors

Remember that true repentance isn’t a mere prayer, telling God you are sorry. It is walking with a changed behavior.

As I was finishing my quiet time, I was convinced that this was not just about asking God to heal this land, but it needed to be how I approach all my “asks” of the Lord.

I need to make sure I am in a right posture to have God hear.

When it doesn’t seem God answered the prayer.

From the day that my oldest daughter, Amanda, told me she was expecting I started to pray for the pregnancy. I was assured that because she wouldn’t be 35 prior to the birth, she was not considered high risk. Seeing I lived over 800 miles away all I really could do was pray.

So my prayers for the next nine months consisted of praying for a safe delivery. I prayed for a healthy baby. I even prayed for her pregnancy to be free from stress because I know from my years of teaching, that the first 9 months in utero are extremely important to a baby’s development not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

On Mother’s Day I was finally told his name. It was supposed to be a surprise, but in the midst of Covid, the gift that bared his name, was lost in the shipping world, so they didn’t make me wait any longer, this little peanut’s name was RJ.

From then on I prayed for him by name. Over and over I would pray for a great pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby.

I also prayed from the very beginning, that he would always know the Lord and serve Him with his life.

The just over 9 months flew by and it is time for RJ to enter the world. Amanda and her husband are in the hospital on August 29,2020 and RJ comes out screaming. We joke and say that he is yelling PUT ME BACK! 2020 sucks. But RJ is a healthy 6lb 10oz ball of joy.

The waiting is over, the excitement is done because we can’t go see him anyway, so off to bed. My phone starts ringing right after midnight. My husband kicks me awake, but it takes me a minute to get my bearings because I am in a different bed and my phone is in a different place.

Hello, I finally answer groggily.

I finally hear a hello through the tears. RJ is in the NICU. The nurse didn’t like what she heard.

It takes me a moment to comprehend what she is saying because I didn’t understand how a healthy baby just a few hours ago is now in NICU.

Ok, let’s do what we know how to do, pray. We hang up, and in the morning we find out he was only there for about 90 minutes and everything is okay.

The following day we are talking about what day and time they will be released from the hospital and once again in the middle of the night my phone goes off.

Mom…

He is now in the NICU with a feeding tube. I ask what is wrong. My daughter is attempting to tell me but the nurse had on a mask and mumbled the words.

Amanda tells me she thinks the nurse said they were calling in an Oncologist. I knew that couldn’t be right, that was for cancer. So I said maybe she said Neurologist. That made more sense. We read Psalms 91 together.

The next morning, we finally find out they were waiting for the neonatologist to come in and do her rounds.

The following week was a roller coaster. We were waiting for transport to take him to a children’s hospital. Then they called and said it’ll be tomorrow. Tomorrow became if they don’t come…. Basically he was stable and the NICU was full at the other hospital, but that meant we couldn’t get answers. So we didn’t know if we needed surgery, feeding tube for the rest of his life or what. Finally, they wanted to do a telehealth meeting with a speech pathologist. Depending upon what she saw, she would re-evaluate.

That little stinker started to drink from a bottle. Yeah! Praise God.

That started a slow process of drinking from a bottle and getting his feeding tube removed. The next step was being released from NICU to a regular room and then being able to go home after that.

If I am going to be transparent, I was not happy with God. I had prayed and prayed for a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby. Why did God let me think all was okay but then RJ end up in NICU, not able to eat?

I posted a picture and message to a private group on Facebook to ask for prayer, for healing, for answers.

I know it was the prayers that allowed my daughter to get through this like a champ. The specific prayers of healing over a baby they had never met, were being answered.

We are finally coming to an end of the tunnel. The last thing to be done is the circumcision and then he can go home.

As I was sitting there thanking God for healing, I was also asking God to forgive me because I got mad that RJ was in NICU, something was mentioned that made me count the days.

8 days!

The child was circumcised on the 8^th day.

I started to cry. My bigger prayer was that RJ would never not know a day without the Lord and that RJ would be a Christ follower.

In Genesis 17 you find the covenant between Abraham and God.

You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between Me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised.

Then I remembered Amanda sending us a picture while RJ was in NICU. He and his dad were doing skin to skin contact and RJ reached out and grabbed hold of Ryan’s cross necklace and she told us he wouldn’t let go.

When I started recounting the events of the first 8 days of RJ’s life outside the womb, I stand in awe of God and His miraculous works.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

My prayer life was much more like a business meeting

“No you can’t go!”

“But they are here to pick me up and you said I could go.”

“So! I changed my mind. You can’t go.”

I knew better than to argue. I would go back to my room and spend my evening alone.

This was a fear I grew up with while living in the same home with my step-father.

I grew up conditioned not to just be on my best behavior, but to manipulate what I needed, so that when I needed something, my guarantee of not just getting a yes but actually being able to go to the “event”, was probable. Now let me explain, because that sounds really bad, but basically if I wanted to do something with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I knew that I needed to not only be on my best behavior but also to stay “hidden” as much as possible. I also knew that if I had to have a conversation or be in the same room with “him”, then I needed to be so sweet that there was no way he could hold anything against me.

Here is the problem with that, I took this conditioning not only into my marriage, (which will be a blog/podcast for another time) but I also took it into my relationship with God. I didn’t realize how bad I was conditioned until the other day, (and yes I mean the other day). I was thinking through a prayer I had and as I was going through a mental checklist that said, “if I do this, then God will give me this response. If I do that, then He’ll really be able to give me this part of the prayer.”

I sat there thinking, going through my mental checklist to make sure I had done and “manipulated” everything in my favor so that there would be no way He could say no. As I sat there I heard God say, “you do know I don’t work that way, right?

As I have been pondering and thinking through this conversation with God, I realized how much I have made my prayers about what can I get. How can I get it? And what do I need to get it? Humiliated at the fact that I had reduced God to this earthly idea of a father figure, I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me.

Now understand prayer, for me is a vital part of my daily worship. I journal. I pray. I even pray short little breath prayers throughout the day, but what I hadn’t realized until the other day, is that my prayer life has been very one sided and how can I manipulate my actions to get God through prayer to benefit me.

The other day as I was reading there were 3 examples given for something else but I think it fits perfectly how I have been feeling and man did the lightbulb go on for me. Is your prayer life like going into a business meeting with someone you cannot stand? You are just there because you have to be and to get what you want out of the deal? OUCH! The second idea was having lunch with a good friend. You share a little but you are still guarded with what and how much you share. You know you don’t want it out there on the gossip chain encased as a prayer request.

And the third was you are in love. You cannot wait to share your day, your life, your everything!

So which one of these describes your prayer life? Are you in a business meeting? Are you having lunch with a good friend? Or are you talking to the person you are in love with and cannot wait to spend time with?

I am a work in progress. I will not be prefect I go home, but while I am here on this earth, I want to make the most of my worship to God, through my prayer time. I want to adore Him, not because of what He can do for me but because of who He is.

*** you can also hear this on my podcast

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: