Relationships

Ensure Your Foundation is Stable

The neighborhood I reside in is extremely active with new construction. Seemingly overnight a vacant lot will be transformed into a three bedroom, two bath living space for a new homeowner to start making memories. 

Burrowing Owl

A particular home sits on a corner lot. One day it was a Burrowing Owl habitat and now it proudly displays the newest home that was built in our neighborhood. I know this because I can see it from my front yard but I also have walked past this corner at least five days a week since I moved in almost eighteen months ago. 

The yard had been graded and the workers were there to install the beautiful paver driveway.  Not even a month had gone by when we had a torrential downpour. Not thinking anything about it, I went for a walk the following day and just as I do every other time, I passed this house. A portion of the driveway had fallen into a newly created sinkhole. 

Newly Paved Driveway

Partially fixed

As the days passed the hole in the driveway sat there, continuing to get worse as the rain came and nothing had been done to repair the problem. Finally someone had come out to regrade the yard, but the driveway was still sporting a hole. It took about two more weeks when finally the hole was fixed but there was a mess of what looked like concrete coming out from under the driveway onto the newly graded yard. 

I cringe to think what problems the new homeowner will have with the driveway because the problem was covered up with a quick fix instead of looking for the main cause. 

Fixed Driveway

As I watched this scenario play out with the newly constructed home, it made me think about relationships.

So many times I have witnessed women finally finding their voice and getting out of a relationship that is toxic and dysfunctional but they didn’t take time to fix the foundation (themselves). The loneliness was too much to bear so at the first sign of someone paying attention to them, they jumped into a new relationship or even an old one with the hopes of a different outcome. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have talked with women and the same statement was said “They said they were sorry.” And within six months, if  it lasted that long, there was another hole that needed repairing. 

The challenge is taking the time to repair ourselves because if we don’t, we will attract the same type of toxic dysfunction over and over again. 

Did you know that on average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good and 75% of women will die at the hand of their abuser as they are attempting to leave. 

Also, one out of every three women will be abused at some point in her life.

Why am I so passionate about women finding their voice? 

With my self-worth in the tank as a teen, if God had not intervened, my story would have been written differently. Also in 2011, I was attacked, not by a domestic partner but my injuries were the same as  two women who were acquaintances of a friend, they were attacked by their domestic partners. They weren’t as fortunate as I to have lived.  They both were trying to get out of their situation and became part of the 75%. 

This is why I am so passionate about helping women find their voice. 

Finding your voice isn’t just about getting out of an abusive relationship, it is about finding your self-worth in who God says you are. 

As I became involved in our local church, I would have women remind me of God’s love, but I was advised that simply reading the Bible would solve everything. However, the real issue was that no one demonstrated how to truly connect with God or make His teachings relevant to my daily challenges. Instead, they just urged me to sort it out on my own.

This is why I love showing women how using God’s Word helps you live a transformed life. And to quote my husband it is not out of a legalistic requirement but an irresistible response for what He has done for us. 

The process isn’t an easy one and it requires a lot of sacrifice. 

Many times, it involves unlearning a behavior that you once believed to be normal from your upbringing. Transforming destructive patterns into healthy loops requires significant effort. You also have to realize that you didn’t just get into this lifestyle, it took years, so perseverance is required as you retrain your brain. 

My life’s purpose is to empower women with knowledge, enabling them to embrace their true identity as defined by God and live authentically for Him. 

Reese’s Story Part 2

Not many people knew what we were facing starting at 20 weeks into Amanda’s pregnancy. We prayed for healing. We prayed for miracles. We wanted so bad for God to show up in a mighty way and prove the doctors wrong.  In my humanness I could say that God failed me. Again in my human nature I could be mad and blame God for making us have to grieve this way…but I can’t… all I can say is 

But God…. 

Let me preface all this with… I was still praying for a miracle of healing. I am also a planner by personality and I didn’t want anyone having to make decisions while attempting to grieve. 

I reached out to a couple who were high school classmates. Their job is helping people plan their funerals before the time is needed. I felt they would be a great resource and boy was I correct. Within the hour they had already spoken to and given me the name of a funeral home. This home, when they first began made it a mission to make sure that infants who passed would be taken care of with dignity and respect. When I first made contact, they prayed with me over the phone asking God for a miracle of healing as well. We ended the phone call with, “I pray you don’t have to call me back.”  Unfortunately I did have to call them back and once again, the first thing she did was pray with us. They were amazing to work with and even made sure we had Reese’s ashes in time for the memorial. 

The second phone call I made was to the hospital where Reese would be born. I wanted to make sure that if the need arises there would be social workers, grief counselors and because they were very involved in a church we knew we didn’t need chaplain services. Not only did Sarah the social worker check on Amanda the day of Reese’s birth and death, she gave us her cell number if we needed her.  Prior to the birth, she also had started the approval process for Amanda’s two younger children to be allowed in her room. And only as God can do, He had our nurse that day all of a sudden forget how to count. The new rule is only 2 people in the room at a time, at one time we had 10. 

The third phone call was to a nonprofit called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They are professional photographers who give of their time to provide the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby.  Not only did God provide an amazing photographer, she was also certified to be in the operating room during birth. This nonprofit gave an amazing gift of a story through pictures. 

On February 5  the day before Reese was born. This was from the calendar that Amanda has sitting on her counter. 

Before you ever came into being, God had a purpose in mind for you. 

On February 6 Reese’s birth and death date from the same daily calendar. 

As God alone watched your body being formed in your mothers womb, he already knew what was ahead. 

If you didn’t know what was going on in our lives at this time, they may have just been words on a page but for us knowing in the next 24 hours what we would be in for, it was another reminder that God was in control and He already had it ordained. 

On Monday February 6th waiting for the arrival of Reese we really didn’t know what to expect. Based upon pictures off the internet we weren’t even sure photographs would be an option. Then the most precious picture arrived. 

He was perfect and breathing on his own. Two by two (due to updated regulations since 2020) we got to go up to the room to spend some quality time. That continued for just a short time when the nurse told Ryan she didn’t know how to count today at which time we all emptied our staging area in the cafeteria and embarked upon floor 4, room 4219. God had given us the perfect day to spend together as family and friends as we weren’t expecting the gift of life for a day. 

As we all emptied the room and only mom, dad and baby were left, God gave them seven more glorious hours to pray over, to love on and to cherish his short sweet life and at 10:36pm, he took his last breath and entered into the loving arms of Jesus. 

The next morning was tough. We had to explain to Reagan, our six year old grandson and Reese’s older brother, that even though Reese looked perfect, he was not really perfect and had passed away and was now with Jesus. His first response was to cry and say he would miss him. Then just that quick he turned and said “are you kidding me right now?”  He then got up off the couch and matter of factly told us he needed to get ready for school. 

After the car rider line we proceeded to pack up anything newborn. It was our daughter’s wish that all baby items be donated to the local crisis pregnancy center. 

Arriving at the side door where donations are dropped off, I knocked and waited to be called in. Walking in, I stated that I had donations to drop off and I would attempt to get through this without crying. I only got out the words, “my daughter had her son yesterday and….” without missing a beat the worker asked if I was the Osburn’s. I was shocked and told her it was my daughter. The next statement blew me away. “I don’t know your daughter, but we have been praying and have been hearing of her faith during this time.” 

I couldn’t help but get tearful again, but this time for a different reason. Her faith. She had pressed into her faith. Over and over again during the pregnancy she would tell me that God was going to do God and that she had faith he would take care of it how He saw fit. At another time she told me that until she knew for sure, she was going to focus on the three beautiful children that were right in front of her and be present in their lives. 

Over and over again in the next few days this was the theme, pressing into their faith and knowing God is in control. 

People who were watching from afar texted and told how they had walked away from their faith and blamed God for all that was going on in their life but watching this unfold gave them a renewed hope to walk back to God and not blame Him but to ask Him how He would use them. 

Not many people knew what was going on with my daughters pregnancy, but after Reese’s passing it was said, “now I understand your daughters Facebook posts”

The day after Reese had passed Amanda wrote this and shared a meme of Tim Tebow’s

This is a great reminder this morning as God took our son home last night at 10:36pm to be healed. We enjoyed so many things with him. 

❤️ Our last time being pregnant 

❤️ Our Last ultrasounds 

❤️ 14 hours he got to spend with our family and us. 

❤️ He can now see, talk, walk, and run with our relatives that were waiting for him at the pearly gates of Heaven. 

Yes it hurts to know we are leaving the hospital childless, however we know this is a see you later not a goodbye forever.

Over the next few days it was amazing to watch my daughter and son-in-love press into their faith and have hope in the pain of grief. 

During the week before the memorial someone had sent us the Biblical meaning of Reese and Edward. 

Reese means: Inspired by God; Zealous; 

Edward means: Guardian or Protector

Now that we are a week out from the memorial, grief overcomes me in the weirdest ways. A song. A smell. A picture. Or even a newborn baby. 

As I was watching a movie the other night, a son had defied his fathers wishes to follow in his footsteps. He instead followed his dreams. I caught myself wondering what Reese would have grown up to do with his life. 

God whispered, Reese fulfilled his life’s purpose. He brought people back to Me. 

In just 14 short hours Reese pointed people to Jesus in ways that were unimaginable. As I think about that I am embarrassed to ask if I have been that productive in my over five decades? 

Reese’s Story part 1

Have you ever had a day that was filled with grief and joy all in the same day? 

Recently I had not just one such day, but two in the same week. 

On Saturday February 11, 2023 we had a memorial service for our 8th grandchild who was only 14 hours old when he went to be with the Lord. This day was filled with grieving but also a joy knowing that Reese Edward was with the Lord. He was no longer blind. He was no longer brain dead. He was alive and whole.  Even though this seemed to be a finale, it was just the beginning of a whole new season. To fully understand this, I need to go back to a doctor’s appointment when my daughter was 20 weeks pregnant. 

During this scheduled ultrasound it was detected that Baby O (this was his name to everyone) had what seemed to be fluid on the brain. Because of this detection my daughter was transferred to a high risk doctor at Tennessee Maternal Fetal Medicine. 

At 23 weeks an amniocentesis was performed and the fluid on the brain was confirmed as hydrocephalus. We were ecstatic to have a diagnosis and a plan of action. Deliver the baby via C-section and have a brain surgeon on standby for emergency surgery to insert a shunt in Baby O to relieve the pressure. And besides the club foot they had also found, which again would be taken care of after birth to correct, Baby O would lead a normal life. 

However, during continued doctors appointments, it became apparent that Baby O would need to be under the care of a hospital and a team of doctors equipped to handle the unknown, so their care was transferred to Vanderbilt. It was here that another ultrasound, at 32 weeks, confirmed it was in fact NOT hydrocephalus, but it was a combination of things and no one had a name for it. 

If you looked at the list that was on my daughters patient portal and googled them, you came up with most of the items pointed to Dandy- Walker Syndrome. In researching we knew people who had full lives, they were special needs, but it wasn’t life threatening. The team didn’t want to speculate so a Fetal MRI was scheduled. The earliest they could get her in was January 19th, 2023. 

On January 21, 2023 the outcome was listed on my daughter’s patient portal and it didn’t sound good. I am not a doctor but I knew based upon googling the items our outlook had just been altered. The list actually ended up being looked at by a nurse and her response was “has anyone mentioned ‘heroic life saving measures’?” 

These words started messages being left for someone to return a call to explain what was going on. The call finally came and another “team meeting” was called for January 30, 2023. 

At 38 weeks, my daughter was hooked up to machines to monitor the baby’s heartbeat which was normal and strong and another ultrasound had just been completed. The doctors made their way into her room to discuss the findings of the ultrasound which just confirmed the Fetal MRI. She and her husband would need to start making decisions. Baby O had no brain activity and would only live with medical intervention for the rest of his life, however long that was. 

They made the decision of a DNR and to allow God to work in whatever way He chose. The C-section was scheduled for the following Monday at 8am and Baby O was given little chance of ever taking a breath. 

During the final week before baby O a diagnosis would finally be given. At one of the many doctors appointments they were able to take DNA from both mom and dad, and they still had liquid left from the amniocentesis. It was sent to Columbia University for research and on Wednesday February 1, 2023 they called and told us that Baby O had  Walker Warburg syndrome which is a very rare condition of Muscular Dystrophy and that he had an extreme case. It was reiterated again he would most likely never take a breath. 

But God….

On February 6th at 8:38 am Reese Edward was born. He not only took a breath but he kept breathing for almost exactly 14 hours before he passed into the arms of Jesus where he is happy and whole. 

Living for the Sonrise

My husband is the baby of seven and in 2015 we started taking a sibling family vacation to the Outer Banks. Rob’s mom and dad, who are in their 90’s, also join the fun week at the beach. So when I heard what sounded like feet scuffling around before sunrise, I jumped up to check.

To my surprise it was just the oldest brother and brother-in-law standing in front of the windows looking out towards the ocean. 

Pink. 

Purple.

Orange.

Blue. 

Yellow.

For fifteen minutes I was mesmerized and took photos from every angle.  I even ventured out to the ocean. I thought the show was over so I decided a cup of coffee was in order. I am not sure what exactly happened to make me turn around and look one more time, but I am glad I did; the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon of the ocean. 

The colors were breathtaking. So I joined the picture taking posse

The colors were even more stunning as the actual sun made its appearance for the day. 

I then realized that all the prior shades that painted the sky was just the precursor to the sun rising and the beauty it brought. 

This made me think of my walk with the Lord on a daily basis. I love watching the Lord work in my life, but this is just a precursor to what my eternal life will be.  

My prayer is that I never tire of the waiting, turn my back and miss the Sonrise. 

Why do I even bring this up?

My heart has been saddened recently as acquaintances and those who are considered celebrity Chrisitians have walked away from and even denounced their faith. 

Over the years there have been preachers/teachers with pretty big platforms that have taught things like the Bible is not the Word of God. They have taught that Hell is not really real.  And there are denominations that preach that you can live how you wish and still make it to heaven. 

I can’t even imagine how this must break the Fathers heart but Jesus teaches that there is an enemy who is roaming.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

God’s Word also teaches in John 10 that there is a thief whose purpose is to kill, steal and destroy. It also teaches in Matthew 7 that there are wolves who come in sheep’s clothing 

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Matthew 7:15 (NIV)

In Timothy, Paul writes

For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:3 (NLT)

But before that in 2 Timothy, Paul writes this about people who are false teachers. 

They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.  (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.) 2Timothy 3:6-7 (NLT)

As a woman who was burdened with guilt of sin and controlled by various desires, I am grateful for a husband who grew up in the church and teaches the truth of scriptures. He in turn has taught me to be discerning because today the world we live in has more wolves disguised as sheep than I ever thought possible and according to the Word… it will only get worse. 

So my prayer is that you will have the stamina to watch the beauty of God working in your life on a daily basis and be eagerly waiting when our Bridegroom returns.

Lord I am sorry for what I have made it

Almost twenty years ago my husband found these verses in Romans. We quickly adopted them as our life verses. 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

We decided in 2002 that we were no longer going to go with the flow of society but go against the grain.  We were going to live this out every day. We would renew our mind and be transformed. We wanted to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice. We were ready to go and do what the Lord asked us to do. 

Fast forward to 2020. I have always known there was a “therefore” to start Romans 12. I had also been told that you always need to stop and find out what the “therefore”is there for. 

Ok I get it better late than never right? 

I decided to just go back one chapter to 11, and start reading. Wow! I think I had skipped that chapter in all my readings. Paul is giving his partial resume, then he is talking about how we have been grafted into the family of God. I was really loving it until I turned the page in my Bible and read verse 35. 

“Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?

In following the rabbit trail of reference verses it took me to Job chapter 41 verse 11. God is talking: 

Who has a claim against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to Me.

Why did those verses bring me to my knees? Because I need to repent. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed this prayer; 

“Lord thank you for allowing me to be your hands and feet.” 

Then in the next breath would come this… 

“Lord when will it be my turn to see a blessing? I have done all this for You. When, Lord? I am tired.”

When God showed us the verses in Romans it was supposed to be a motto to live by. It ended up being the foundation to a ministry that was extremely taxing, not just monetarily, but also physically and mentally. 

I am forever grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to be in full time ministry for so long. I am not proud of the jealousy, competition, and the business it became. Instead of a time to walk in a relationship similar to the outline found in Titus 2, it became about numbers of lives changed on a spreadsheet in order to keep the funders happy. 

And in turn my prayer was no longer, “God I offer my body as a living sacrifice,” but “Lord, look what I am giving up. So what’s in it for me?”

My prayer for 2021 is going to be, Lord, I offer myself. Grant me knowledge and wisdom that can only come from you. Lord embolden me to tell others about Your greatness, not because of what You may or may not do, but because of Who You are.” 

Our job as Christ followers is to glorify God for no other reason than because He Is the Great I AM. I will end with Psalms 145:1-3 (NIV)


I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.

“It” will Rule You

As I was researching the scriptures for a study I am writing, these verses in Genesis stood out.

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:6-7 (NIV)

Cain’s offering was not acceptable to the Lord. The scriptures record just earlier in the paragraph that “In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.” (vs3)

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits… not first fruits… just some.

Then the Lord continues talking with Cain. “Why are you angry?”

I wonder how many times God really wants to look at us and ask “Why are you upset?” 

God already knew Cain’s heart. God was warning him. Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you. You MUST rule over it. 

This was a warning to a man whose anger was about to get the best of him. Not but a few verses later, Cain has killed Abel. 

This made me think how many warnings God has given us? Sin is crouching at your door…. YOU MUST RULE OVER IT… 

The problem is many times we get in a cycle of letting life happen and therefore we allow the desire of “it” to rule us. 

What has God been warning you to rule over before it takes you? 

Cain’s was anger and jealousy. 

Is yours anger or losing your temper? 

Is it gossip, jealousy or a sexual sin?

What about laziness? Or is it being a work-a-holic? 

Maybe it’s an addiction that you may find yourself slipping back into? 

I pray today is the day that you listen to the Lord and heed His warning to start ruling over “it” before the consequences of it taking over you involve others and not just yourself. 

The Day I Questioned: Would I Have Been Served

The morning started off with a bang. The fog wasn’t the thickest she had ever seen, but for whatever reason this type of weather made drivers lose their minds. She had already been called out to more than a dozen accidents and was grateful that the majority were minor fender benders. 

She had been patrolling the small country town less than a month, and it was apparent that she wasn’t from around there. Being new to this particular force, she decided her mission was to make it work, not only professionally but also socially. 

Driving through the town square, she was greeted with ecstatic waves from children who appeared happy that school had been canceled once again for inclement weather. Seeing the families embarking on the town, reminded her that the forecast was for snow but feeling the heat from the rays permeating the glass and looking at the dashboard where it read the outside temperature was sixty-four degrees, she started to chuckle.  

The grumble coming from her stomach told her it was time to stop for lunch.  Turning back west to make one more round through the town, she spotted it. The local burger joint that many had been talking about. Exiting her vehicle, the smell of greasy burgers made her mouth water.  And if she wasn’t sold on it yet, written across the front plate glass window were the years in a row the owner had been given bragging rights to the best burger in thirteen counties. 

Taking the few short steps to enter the building, she did a double take. Yep, there was an open sign. As she placed her petite hand on the stainless steel door handle, a spark made her jump but didn’t stop her from walking in the door. 

Once in she wasn’t sure she was that hungry anymore. The waitress was behind the bar when their eyes met. The server’s smile quickly turned to a look of disgust and she did a swift turn of the head.  

Lisa, being a police officer was trained to watch for hidden words and to be aware of her surroundings, but today she missed out on all the subtleties and took a seat.  After what seemed to take longer than she thought was permissible, seeing only three other tables were occupied and they had clearly been eating for a while, the server came to take her order.

“What do you want?” 

The server’s tone caught Lisa off guard and by this time, her radio was going off in her ear and she would need to forgo lunch right now. 

“I’m sorry.” Lisa replied, “I need to take this call.” 

As she turned to walk out the door, a typed sign, in large, bold letters caught her attention. 

“WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE, ANYTIME” 

Not wanting to cause a scene, she had to wonder, was it the uniform or the color of her skin? 

This may or may not be a fictional story, but in my recent travels to a very small town, as I entered the building, I felt something just not right. There was just an aura that made my antennas go up. 

Taking a seat, I started to look around. Sure enough I spotted a sign “WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE, ANYTIME.”

For the next thirty minutes I was on edge. 

What did that sign mean? 

Why was that sign there? 

If I were a police officer would I have been welcome?

If I were black would I have been welcome?

If I had worn a political shirt that she didn’t agree with, would I have been served? 

If I had been of a different sexual orientation would I have been served? 

I hate to admit the hamburger was amazing, and on the same note I hate to admit that I supported an establishment where many of my friends would not have been served. 

When it doesn’t seem God answered the prayer.

From the day that my oldest daughter, Amanda, told me she was expecting I started to pray for the pregnancy. I was assured that because she wouldn’t be 35 prior to the birth, she was not considered high risk. Seeing I lived over 800 miles away all I really could do was pray.

So my prayers for the next nine months consisted of praying for a safe delivery. I prayed for a healthy baby. I even prayed for her pregnancy to be free from stress because I know from my years of teaching, that the first 9 months in utero are extremely important to a baby’s development not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

On Mother’s Day I was finally told his name. It was supposed to be a surprise, but in the midst of Covid, the gift that bared his name, was lost in the shipping world, so they didn’t make me wait any longer, this little peanut’s name was RJ.

From then on I prayed for him by name.  Over and over I would pray for a great pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby. 

I also prayed from the very beginning, that he would always know the Lord and serve Him with his life.

The just over 9 months flew by and it is time for RJ to enter the world.  Amanda and her husband are in the hospital on August 29,2020 and RJ comes out screaming.  We joke and say that he is yelling PUT ME BACK! 2020 sucks. But RJ is a healthy 6lb 10oz ball of joy.

The waiting is over, the excitement is done because we can’t go see him anyway, so off to bed. My phone starts ringing right after midnight.  My husband kicks me awake, but it takes me a minute to get my bearings because I am in a different bed and my phone is in a different place.

Hello, I finally answer groggily.

I finally hear a hello through the tears.  RJ is in the NICU. The nurse didn’t like what she heard.

It takes me a moment to comprehend what she is saying because I didn’t understand how a healthy baby just a few hours ago is now in NICU.

Ok, let’s do what we know how to do, pray.  We hang up, and in the morning we find out he was only there for about 90 minutes and everything is okay.

The following day we are talking about what day and time they will be released from the hospital and once again in the middle of the night my phone goes off.

Mom…

He is now in the NICU with a feeding tube. I ask what is wrong. My daughter is attempting to tell me but the nurse had on a mask and mumbled the words.

Amanda tells me she thinks the nurse said they were calling in an Oncologist. I knew that couldn’t be right, that was for cancer.  So I said maybe she said Neurologist.  That made more sense.  We read Psalms 91 together.

The next morning, we finally find out they were waiting for the neonatologist to come in and do her rounds.

The following week was a roller coaster. We were waiting for transport to take him to a children’s hospital. Then they called and said it’ll be tomorrow. Tomorrow became if they don’t come…. Basically he was stable and the NICU was full at the other hospital, but that meant we couldn’t get answers.  So we didn’t know if we needed surgery, feeding tube for the rest of his life or what.  Finally, they wanted to do a telehealth meeting with a speech pathologist. Depending upon what she saw, she would re-evaluate. 

That little stinker started to drink from a bottle. Yeah! Praise God.

That started a slow process of drinking from a bottle and getting his feeding tube removed.  The next step was being released from NICU to a regular room and then being able to go home after that. 

If I am going to be transparent, I was not happy with God. I had prayed and prayed for a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby.  Why did God let me think all was okay but then RJ end up in NICU, not able to eat?

I posted a picture and message to a private group on Facebook to ask for prayer, for healing, for answers.

I know it was the prayers that allowed my daughter to get through this like a champ. The specific prayers of healing over a baby they had never met, were being answered.

We are finally coming to an end of the tunnel. The last thing to be done is the circumcision and then he can go home.

As I was sitting there thanking God for healing, I was also asking God to forgive me because I got mad that RJ was in NICU, something was mentioned that made me count the days. 

8 days!

The child was circumcised on the 8th day.

I started to cry. My bigger prayer was that RJ would never not know a day without the Lord and that RJ would be a Christ follower.

In Genesis 17 you find the covenant between Abraham and God.

You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between Me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised.

Then I remembered Amanda sending us a picture while RJ was in NICU. He and his dad were doing skin to skin contact and RJ reached out and grabbed hold of Ryan’s cross necklace and she told us he wouldn’t let go.

When I started recounting the events of the first 8 days of RJ’s life outside the womb, I stand in awe of God and His miraculous works.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

Do You Know the Shepherd’s Voice

Good deeds proper worship

Good Deeds

During my study today in Revelation, it was talking about how all our prayers are incense.

Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people

It cross referenced Psalms which was talking about how we worship

I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

This then took me to 1 Timothy chapter 2 where Paul is talking about how men and women are to worship.

Therefore, I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

The last part…but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God really spoke to me especially as I have been scrolling Facebook lately.

There have been many posts over the last few months that were related to “since Covid we haven’t gotten our hair or nails done.”  There have even posts that said something to the effect “couldn’t wait to get back in “so and so’s chair” so they could fix our mess.

Please hear me, there is nothing wrong with getting hair and nails done.

But the more I have scrolled it has saddened me how far many have derailed from the truth of scripture. How we have allowed the past 5 months’ tear friends and families apart? The anger. The loss of hope. And just that quickly we now don’t trust each other.

What convicted me was, “appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Here we are in the middle of August. We don’t even love our friends who sat next to us in church anymore.  They are the enemy.  The news has become our only source of hope and truth.

Decades ago when I was just beginning my walk in the church, and I say walk in the church because I know now that it was just a lifestyle because where I lived it was a way of life and what was expected, I remember stumbling over the scripture in Matthew 7,

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a FEW find it. (emphasis mine)

Everyone I knew went to church. Everyone I knew was a “Christian”. How could only a FEW find it? But after watching 2020, with church buildings being shut down, John 10 scares me for many who like me years ago, went to church, followed a dynamic speaker, and found my fellowship with other church goers who adorned themselves with elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls and or expensive clothes, but when push came to shove, there weren’t any good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

I am afraid many are running to the stranger’s voice because they truly don’t know the Shepherd’s.

Learning to Waltz, Learning to be Led

I was learning to Waltz, but I was also learning to be led

A few years ago, Rob and I were invited to take a dance class and part of the package was a private lesson.

On that particular Monday we showed up ready to learn the Waltz. Philip, our instructor, not only showed us the proper posture but he went on to explain “the why” behind it. The lesson didn’t go as planned.

The next day as I was reading, praying and asking God for guidance, I had an AHA moment.

The Waltz:

The man leads.

He applies pressure to the shoulder area of the back and off you go….

BUT….

The women doesn’t just follow, because she is always going backwards. She has to trust the male to lead.

The male is dancing them gracefully in and around the dance floor and the women’s part? TRUST his direction.

Right?  Well that’s not all.

The other part is, ONENESS.

As the man is leading, in order to turn, you will switch feet.  The woman needs to be one with the male or there will be clumsiness, and fumbling.

They can get back in sync but they may have to stop and start over.

As a person who has the personality of take charge, let me do it, and I’ll figure it out as I go, the Waltz was not easy for me. I was always wanting to take over. But that was not the way the Waltz was intended.

I feel like my relationship with God is like doing the Waltz… He is leading. I have to trust. I have to remember that He can see the end game, I can not.

But if I am not spending time with God, how will I know the trust part. How will I be in sync with what He is doing, twirling me around the picture of Bible open with Bible Study paperworkdance floor called life.

I won’t get graceful on the dance floor if I don’t practice, and the same goes for my “Waltz” with The Lord.

If I don’t take time to learn, read, grow, pray and practice, I will always be fumbling, trying to take the lead, thinking I know best and never becoming the person God created me to be.

How’s your “Waltz” coming?