Relationships

Don’t Wait for Tomorrow… it may never come

As he pulled out of the driveway part of her died.  She was only a kid and didn’t understand why they couldn’t get along. Even though she was grateful he took her calls during the day, she knew there would be hell to pay if she was ever caught. Day’s turned to years before she would see him again. But finally the time had come.  She was able to date. Her first date took her to see him. She was 16. Knowing it was too risky their meetings were few are far between. Again days turned into years. The time had finally come and she was free. She made the call and they were going to meet again.

 

This past weekend I received a 6am wake-up call that I never wish upon anyone.  “I have rushed your dad to the hospital. He is having chest pains.”

Just the day before we were sitting on the dock, laughing at the events of the past week.  A boat ride across the causeway, a yacht, a huge wave. A wall of water on both sides of the boat that eventually ended up in the boat.  Drenched they started to laugh as they hadn’t had to pay the price of admission to Disney’s water park.

Now laying in a hospital bed waiting in the hallway because the ER is so full there are no more rooms. Almost 32 hours later, he is rolled into the surgical room. They are going to explore and be ready to put in a stent if need be. Doctors aren’t 100% there is a need, but with the instance of the patient, they go ahead.  2 hours later they come to the waiting room to get us. Not one but 3 stents later.

How bad? He was just having a little chest pain.  2 were 90% blocked and 1 was 95% blocked.

I have to excuse myself. I lose it.  How can this be? Then I start to get mad. “God, I just moved here.  Don’t take him home yet. I am just now getting back all those years I lost.”

I have had every wave of emotion in the past 48 hours.

The scripture says: We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
James 4:13-14 NIV

 

Don’t wait another day to make amends.

Don’t wait another day to call a long lost friend.

Don’t wait another day to reunite with your family if it is possible.

Don’t get to tomorrow and say “I should have…..”

Do make today count.

My prayer life was much more like a business meeting

“No you can’t go!”

“But they are here to pick me up and you said I could go.”

“So! I changed my mind. You can’t go.”

I knew better than to argue. I would go back to my room and spend my evening alone.

This was a fear I grew up with while living in the same home with my step-father.

I grew up conditioned not to just be on my best behavior, but to manipulate what I needed, so that when I needed something, my guarantee of not just getting a yes but actually being able to go to the “event”, was probable. Now let me explain, because that sounds really bad, but basically if I wanted to do something with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I knew that I needed to not only be on my best behavior but also to stay “hidden” as much as possible.  I also knew that if I had to have a conversation or be in the same room with “him”, then I needed to be so sweet that there was no way he could hold anything against me.

Here is the problem with that, I took this conditioning not only into my marriage, (which will be a blog/podcast for another time) but I also took it into my relationship with God.  I didn’t realize how bad I was conditioned until the other day, (and yes I mean the other day). I was thinking through a prayer I had and as I was going through a mental checklist that said, “if I do this, then God will give me this response. If I do that, then He’ll really be able to give me this part of the prayer.”

I sat there thinking, going through my mental checklist to make sure I had done and “manipulated” everything in my favor so that there would be no way He could say no.  As I sat there I heard God say, “you do know I don’t work that way, right?

As I have been pondering and thinking through this conversation with God, I realized how much I have made my prayers about what can I get. How can I get it? And what do I need to get it?  Humiliated at the fact that I had reduced God to this earthly idea of a father figure, I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me.

Now understand prayer, for me is a vital part of my daily worship. I journal. I pray. I even pray short little breath prayers throughout the day, but what I hadn’t realized until the other day, is that my prayer life has been very one sided and how can I manipulate my actions to get God through prayer to benefit me.

The other day as I was reading there were 3 examples given for something else but I think it fits perfectly how I have been feeling and man did the lightbulb go on for me. Is your prayer life like going into a business meeting with someone you cannot stand? You are just there because you have to be and to get what you want out of the deal? OUCH!  The second idea was having lunch with a good friend. You share a little but you are still guarded with what and how much you share.  You know you don’t want it out there on the gossip chain encased as a prayer request.

 

And the third was you are in love. You cannot wait to share your day, your life, your everything!

So which one of these describes your prayer life? Are you in a business meeting? Are you having lunch with a good friend? Or are you talking to the person you are in love with and cannot wait to spend time with?

I am a work in progress. I will not be prefect I go home, but while I am here on this earth, I want to make the most of my worship to God, through my prayer time. I want to adore Him, not because of what He can do for me but because of who He is.

 

*** you can also hear this on my podcast 

New Beginnings Podcast

 

Unforgiveness

 

In our 8-week study New Beginnings, we talk about forgiveness right off the bat.  Not only do we talk about forgiving others but we talk about forgiving our self.

When you forgive others, it doesn’t always equate to being friends again. By forgiving others it allows you to move on with your life.  By truly forgiving, you no longer harbor feelings of resentment or wishing ill will.

I started working on the blog/podcast the other day and am finishing it today.  But in the meantime, I had a 6-hour round trip in the car with my husband. During one of our many conversations, I told him that I was still very upset with a situation that happened in July and that I just wished I knew why things had gone awry. I also told my husband that every time this person’s name gets brought up I get sick to my stomach.

Fast forward throughout the day, this person’s name was mentioned a few times in conversations by other people (unbeknownst to them that I was having an issue) and thankfully I was able to contain my emotions.

As I was dozing off to sleep last night, my husband said, as profoundly as he usually does, “Do you really need (that person) to ask for forgiveness or do you need to extend it so that it does not affect you anymore?”

So as I was falling asleep I found myself praying for this person and their family.  I realized that by not extending forgiveness in my own heart that I was allowing satan to steal joy. I was allowing satan to possibly even get a foothold in the kingdom because I was “upset and wanted this person to personally ask me to forgive them.”

What does it matter? In my humanness, I was making it a bigger deal than it was.  In God’s economy I was allowing satan to make change and even prosper.

Forgiveness according to the dictionary means to cease to feel resentment against; to pardon an offense or an offender.

Do you see what it says, to cease to feel resentment against!  This is for you and I.  This is for our well-being.  By not ceasing to feel resentment, I was saying, that I could not forgive.

What if the person you need to forgive is yourself?   Do you find it hard to cease to feel resentment against yourself?

Do you know what happens not only when you don’t forgive others, but you don’t forgive yourself? Satan allows feelings to creep into our lives that reminds us how hurt we were.  What happens when you are hurt? What feeling comes in next? Anger! Maybe just a little annoyance. Maybe we become just a little more curt in our tone than we need to be.  Then before we know it we have hit full blown anger where we are throwing things, slamming doors, cursing, using words to hurt people and unfortunately, those in our paths are innocent people just because we decided we could not cease to feel resentment toward someone or our self.

Also many may not think of this, but if you were hurt as a child, you may have carried these feelings with you into your adolescent years and now you may be directing deep-rooted anger at totally innocent people. You might not realize the true seed from which this anger has grown if from unforgiveness.  These emotional outbursts or angry thoughts and actions are due to feelings that you have not addressed.

It is time to forgive, not only for yourself but for your children. For your well-being. For your marriage. For your relationships.

So what is a practical prayer you can use.

Heavenly Father, I forgive ________(someone or yourself)  I forgive ___________ for:(now write down every past event you need to be forgiven for or forgive someone of) _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I ask that You forgive me.  Father I ask that I would lose sight of the offense, and if I am ever reminded of the offense, that I will dismiss that memory as an old, resolved conflict I no longer want to revisit. Father I ask that I would simply forget the incident and move on with rebuilding healthy relationships as you lead me to do so.  Father, please show me how to love myself the way you do. Father, show me how to turn my offenses into concern for others well-being.  Father, I am moved to forgive myself because I desire to be obedient to you and desire for you to be glorified. Father, I ask that you would forgive me for not forgiving myself before now and remove from my heart any consequences or disease from not forgiving myself in the past. Father I confess that I will need your help to live out this forgiveness and I ask you to give me the strength to live true to the forgiveness.  Father, please bless my life in every way and heal me of any emotional or physical wounds that I have caused from suffering so long.

 

As I end I want to share 2 scriptures with you.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)                    

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT)

May you find joy in today as you forgive your yesterday.

Truth be told, all He asked was to Follow Him

For the past 2 weeks I have been fighting with God about a prescription I received almost a year ago. It read, “must have Florida Beach time often over the next year perhaps permanently.”  This prescription was given in response to my doctor telling me I needed to see a pulmonary specialist.  I told him it would have to wait 3 weeks seeing we were heading to Florida for family time and a church planting conference. In which he said the Florida air would do my lungs good.

More Florida Beach time

With prescription in hand, we headed to Florida.

That prescription was a catalyst that God used to get our hearts to be thinking of Florida.  I was under the assumption that once I moved to Florida then my asthma type symptoms would magically disappear. Instead for me and my body, (if you have followed any of my story), I don’t fit the mold. So why would I expect this to be any different?

I have been to a walk-in clinic now 3 times since our move to Florida.  I am on the exact same schedule I have been on since 2017.  Every 45-60 days.

I have made every excuse.

I cheated on my diet.

I was in the cold weather.

I was traveling.

For the past 18 months or so I have told doctors and myself.  “God is going to heal me. I just need to work out a few more things with my past. I just need to quit cheating on my dietary restrictions.”

In November, I was told that if I had one more flare up then I would need to see a specialist. Well today I once again found myself in the walk-in clinic.  The Doctor was not so pleasant.  She let me know without a shadow of a doubt I needed to find a primary care doctor sooner than later and get this under control.

So why this blog?

I had to come to grips that even though the prescription is part of our church planting story and why Cape Coral Florida, God knew I would need something that was of benefit to get my mind around moving 823 miles from my grandchildren and children.

Not being on steroids every 45-60 days and living in an area that is by the ocean and beautiful, was a great incentive and plus at that time we could do our job from anywhere. We were traveling for work 30-40 weeks out of the year anyway and it really didn’t matter where we started from.

By the end of February though, we were being called to plant a church, God even gave us handwriting on the wall, an 18-wheeler appearing out of nowhere as I am driving to the doctor because I am once again having an asthma flare up.

Fast forward to the past couple of months.  Nothing I thought would happen when we got here has come through. Everything I had put in motion to make the transition to Florida not feel so lonely, has fallen through.  And to top it off, I have been in the walk-in clinic 3 times since arriving.

I have silently been dealing with rejection and feeling like I was short changed. I have asked God to heal me. I have praised God for healing me. I have worked through more of my past. I have cried. I have laughed. I have screamed. And recently I have questioned.  Why? Why are you not healing me? I have faith. I believe. Why are you not healing me?

Then God gives me a flock of Ibis’s in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  To remind me He did heal me of my PTSD and there is no way I would have been able to move to a new area and plant a church with the anxiety and PTSD I had lived with for many years.

But God why are you not healing me of my asthma symptoms? Why did you bring me down here under false pretenses?

Then I read a book called Prodigal God by Tim Keller.

In the book was a story that went something like this.

Jesus says to pick up a stone and follow me.  You look around and because Jesus didn’t give you any specifications you pick up a small pebble and put it in your pocket.  A few miles down the road Jesus says to take your stone and place it in front of you.  He turns your “stone” into food.  You get very little because your stone is a pebble, others who were carrying bigger stones had much to eat because the food was commensurate to the size of the “stone.” Jesus now asks you to pick up another stone and follow Him. This time because you saw what He did for lunch you pick up the biggest stone you can find. You struggle and struggle. Finally, you get to a lake and Jesus says, “throw your stone in the lake.”   There is no food or any reward for carrying the big rock.  Jesus sees your frustration and He simple says, “All I asked you to do was follow me.”

As I was reading this sobbing, all God asked was, for me to follow Him. He also reminded me that the prescription came from man not God. God used it, but today I really know the meaning of the Proverbs.

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

You can make many plans,
    but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)

 

Church Planters Cape Coral FL

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if we had not moved we would have been disobedient.  But I am still human and as I was having a pity-party wondering what I had done wrong and why God had not healed me yet of my asthma symptoms, He reminded me that sometimes healing comes in the form of modern medicine I need to be okay with that and praise God for it.  And that the prescription for more Florida beach time was just a “sign” God used to get me ready for the next chapter our book He is writing with our lives.

To follow our church plant click the link  Restoration Christian Church

Should we be looking for the Pink Slime?

I am studying 2 Thessalonians with a group of young women.

In chapter 2 it says: For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work. This is Paul speaking in the 50’s AD.  Here we are in 2018. If Paul was warning the Christians over 1900 years ago to be aware because the secret power of lawlessness was already at work, how much more should we, as Christ followers, be mindful today?

Yet every day the news is filled with fellow human beings fighting each other.

After living in Memphis during the late 80’s early 90’s, we would joke that there had to be a river of pink slime flowing under the city.

(See video from Ghostbusters if you aren’t familiar with the pink slime)

But the longer I live, I am more inclined to think the river is flowing from one end of the country to the next, and is finding every tributary it can, to spread.

This chapter goes on to say that “The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.”

As I think about these scriptures, and think about all the negativity that has been created in our society. I am saddened that so many Christians have sat down, tired of running the race according to Gods standards and are embracing the worlds standards.

In Romans 1:28, it says that there will be a time when God will give us over to our depraved, (immoral, evil, wicked, corrupt) mind because we don’t think it is worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God.

If Paul felt it was worth the warning over 1900 years ago, how much more should we heed the warning today.

2 Thessalonians 2:7-12 NIV

For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way.  And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how Satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.

Romans 1:28-32 NIV

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.  They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy.  Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

 

Catch 22

This is a repost from my old blog site (the180program.blogspot.com) but it has been my heart recently as I have seen once again people who are giving up becuase they think its easier or its the only way.

The truth is……

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way…

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram “debilitating mentalities”.  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don’t want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe (usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities…. She is hearing….

“You did something to deserve this”

“No one will believe you because you’re just a prostitute”.

“You call the police, they won’t believe you, look at your rap sheet”.

So the truth is….. Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of “healthy people”, walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when “their excuses” are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they “slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors”… To not judge so harshly that you say “screw this, you’re not worth my time”, and walk away.

Your relationship may change, but we don’t add to the shame by saying “I knew you’d mess up.  I knew you couldn’t do it”.

That does not help anyone get healthy.

If you are someone who is walking in relationship with someone that fits this model, and you would like more information on how to effectively minister to them please fill out the following form:

You saved my life for this?

After a recent conversation with a mom, we wanted to share her thoughts with the world.  

As much as I want to say thank you for stopping my mother that day, I have to ask you why?

Because you stopped her, she brought me into a life of dysfunction. She was only a child herself. 

I remember her telling me how she was headed into the clinic that Saturday morning. There were men and women lining the sidewalk, telling her this was not the answer.  But then you, you smiled and said “if you don’t go through with this, I will help you.”  I don’t know if it was your smile or the fact that she really wanted to change and have a life…whatever the reason, she did not go through with the abortion that day. You saved my life. I wish I could say thank you, but I want to know why?

Where were you when I received my first bruises?  They were not seen, but they were there and I still feel them today.  You see, every time we had to pack up and move, I never knew where she would be or who was picking me up from daycare.

Through her tears she would talk about you and how often you were there before I was born.  You would answer her phone calls and even take her out for coffee.  But I don’t remember you.  You were gone shortly after I was brought home from the hospital. As my mom tells me, you stopped answering her calls when you found out she was going home with “him.” I wish you would have asked her “Why?” You see, it was the only place she could go, she was not going to live on the street with a newborn. As crazy as this sounds, HE was the best option she had.  And now I live with the guilt that it was my fault. My mom reminded me of that often.

The bruises became bigger as I got older. I know mom wanted to change. She said she wanted to do something better with her life, but she didn’t know how.  I do remember that one time she was excited because a local church was starting a new program.  That excitement quickly faded when mom found out it was during the day, no child care was offered and none of her family would watch me so she could better her life. So back to “his” house we went; and yes I know mom, it was my fault.  Why, dear lady, did no one ever intervene when the black and blue marks showed up all over my body?

Why did you save my life that day?  Why did you intervene just to let me live in dysfunction? Was I not worthy enough to have a chance at a life?

Now I sit here repeating the only life I have ever known and I refuse to allow my little girl to go through what I did. The moving from place to place, the constant abuse, having her touched by men after I go to sleep because we need a place to stay for the night.

I refuse. She will not live with the fear of never knowing where we will live tomorrow or if I will be coming home. And I will not change my mind based upon a promise of someone who doesn’t even know my story. I’ve been down that road and look where it got me.

Nope, this will not be my daughter. She will not go through everything I did.  I will not bring her into this world, based on a promise of help.  I’ve seen your kind help and I know you can’t be trusted to do anything more than stop the abortion.

Congratulations you saved my life for this.

 

Craigslist: Father for sale

  Supposedly this ad was on Craigslist, which made its way to Facebook. As I read this ad, I did the little nervous giggle, you know the one that says, “oh, I can’t believe they said that.”  I then felt compelled to write this blog because in reality these are the very children that your children play with every day, or even played with years ago. You may even be friends with the family and it won’t be until years later when some big event happens that you will say: “I would have never known.” or “Where was I, I thought we were friends?”

 

We cannot turn back the hands on the clock to magically start over when we were born. Nor can we start over yesterday. But what we can do, is decide tomorrow how we will live.  

Now that the venom has been spewed, I am not sure that this person feels much better today, because the challenge is that even though we wrote out our anger, we  are still US and the events of our past, including words spoken over us, will affect our tomorrow.

 We have a choice though, will your tomorrow, have positive or negative actions?

I am sorry this is how this father is.  That is his temperament, that is his choice. Unfortunately though this is probably one of those ads where many will say “oh, I didn’t know your dad and mine were related.” 

We have a choice though, will we allow him and his actions to affect us and the rest of our lives?  The answer usually is YES, becuase we never see that there is another way. We say we will never grow up to be just like so and so, but the reality is we end up becoming just like so and so.  

To the person who wrote this ad or to the person who would like to have written this ad, you have to understand that yes all that has been said, all the letdowns, all the sorry’s that were never said or that were said and not meant, are a part of your life.

They happened and we cannot change that.  But tomorrow is a new day, you have a choice: do you allow all this to dictate the REST of your life in a positive or a negative fashion.  

More times than not, we allow all of this to accumulate and we are a freight-train that has lost control but we just don’t know it yet. That is a cycle called letting life happen.  This cycle gets it start when we continue to hear words like “You’re not good enough”. “You’ll never be pretty enough or skinny enough.” “You are going to be just like so and so.” “You’re a good for nothing, $%&ch.”

Whatever those words are or sayings are that you hear or heard, they become part of you.  They unfortunately become part of your expectation in life. Then it goes down hill real fast when you couple that with low self-esteem, and if you are a female, then you can find yourself in relationships that are toxic or dysfunctional in themselves. 

We have bought the lie that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me. 

Words impact us much longer than a broken arm or leg. Words are associated with times a day, years or even seasons. We can be many miles away or the person may have even passed on, but that word… that smell… that vehicle…. that mannerism…. can all trigger in our subconscious a memory and before we know it… we are angry…. we are hurt…. we are in that event that caused us so much pain. All those nasty emotions that you thought you had forgotten, come back up with a vengeance. You lash out at whoever is nearby.  

So how do we change this and how do we make life happen for us?  First thing is to forgive.

Forgiveness is to cease to have resentment against. To pardon an offense or an offender.  

I am not saying you have to become best buds and start hanging out.  What I am saying though, is that this forgiveness is more about you, the person becoming whole and allowing yourself the freedom to be free from all the expectations that this person had placed on you by the words they spoke to and over you. 

If you are ready to try the forgiveness thing, here is a conversation that needs to be had by you to God. 

God, I am so tired of these feelings.  I am so tired of feeling like this.  Daddy, please I ask that you will allow me to lay this person and (name all the offenses) at Your feet.  I am so tired of carrying around this aggression.  I want to be freed from the bondage that this person (name here) still has over me.  Daddy, free me today from this anger. May I forgive (name of person) and if I ever start to think about this event again or these offenses, may I be reminded that You Daddy love me so and You gave me (insert whatever place, thing like a butterfly, a deer, a bunny… etc, that you see that God has used to remind you that He loves you more) to remind me that You are so much bigger than (this offense) and that I will live today basking in Your love instead of the dread of the burden. 

Now redo that prayer and put your name in there as the person to forgive.  You need to forgive yourself in order to start healing from your past. 

Now that you have worked through that, and it may take you multiple times of working through that, now is the time to ask yourself:  

What do I want for me?

Who do I want to be?

What expectation do I want to live up to?

 

After you have asked those questions to yourself for yourself… what ACTION steps do you need to take?

1)____________________________________________

2)____________________________________________

3)____________________________________________

Now that you have your action steps what EVENTS do you see happening from those ACTIONS? 

To the one who wrote that ad for real or to the one who just wrote it in your head,  are you still living by those expectations that were laid out for you by an authority figure? The expectations that created an angry person who doesn’t know who she or he is anymore because they have fallen into the trap of “this is all my life has to offer, so why try?” 

Don’t allow satan to keep you there.  You are worth so much more…. believe me, I know… because I could have written that ad years ago, from a very angry teenager. 

She doesn’t want your pity

Rob and I met Jamie in the early 2000’s, when she showed up on our door step with a little girl in a car carrier and pregnant with her son.  She will tell you within 30 minutes my husband had her in tears.  jamie-and-jaz-zoo

Not because he or I were condemning her, but because we were telling her that she was worthy of a life different than what she thought or saw at that point.

In the years to come we would walk with her in relationship, be Gramma Meredith and Grandaddy Rob to her kids.  I still remember walking through Wal-mart and her son, who was an infant was crying uncontrollably and unconscionable. We would quickly realize that baby peaches were NOT his friend. ian

Over the past 13 years Jamie has loved her children well as a single parent.  She does not look for peoples pity, and actually her pride keeps her from asking for help.  In December 2008, Jamie fell ill with bilateral pneumonia and was hospitalized, 3 days later her legs no longer worked.

That was the first of 5 times she has had to relearn to walk.

It took the doctors until August 201o, but finally she was diagnosed with MS.

Over the years she would work as much as she could but then the pain, and stress would get the best of her and her body would shut down again.

Some would say she was faking.

Others would say “oh poor baby”, but Jamie did not complain.

She would walk her kids to school using her walker. She would make sure they were getting the best education.  All the while her MS would flair up, whenever it decided (arms being paralyzed for weeks on end and legs not working properly for 6-9 months). She had put in the paperwork for disability, but MS is very hard to get on disability for, is what she was told, so she worked when she could and lived very frugally.

And if her MS was not enough, her daughter and son both fell ill.  Ian’s diagnosis is Crohn’s and with dietary restrictions he fairs pretty well.  Jazzy, after many hospital visits and stays, they finally found chronic intestinal pseudo-obstruction.

homeless-2012

Jamie and the kids at AtG’s Annual Christmas Dinner for men at Room in the Inn

In 2013, a van was donated to the ministry and who else would benefit so much from a vehicle but Jamie. The coolest part of the story;van-2013 this vehicle was donated by a high school teacher, and Jamie had actually had him as a teacher.  He was so thrilled that she was the recipient, because he always knew she would do great things.

After Jazzy got released from the hospital, the doctors ok’d   Jamie to surprise the kids and take them to Florida.    While there they slept in the van on the beach…just a big slumber party. Jamie quickly realized that the warmth and  sun did everyone a lot of good. She searched out an apartment and a job.  She came home to announce that at the end of the school year they would leave for Florida.

Upon moving to Florida everything fell apart and they ended up living in their van on the beach.

She did not give up.

She preservers.

She finally gets a break and moves into an apartment and has a job.

She is thrilled…. then just when she things are looking up… she ends up wheel chair bound.

During this time many wanted to “fix it” for her.  Many wanted her to move back so we could “take care” of her.  But she stood or in this case “sat” her ground and said, “I know you all love me, but I need to stay here.”

At Christmas last year we went to Florida to just have some fun.  Everyone chipped in and we stocked her cabinets and bought Christmas gifts that I made her wrap.  We went and got pedicures and wheeled her down to the beach.  We cried, we laughed but not once did she ask for pity… she asked that God would allow her to walk again.

Here is a short video of our adventures:

On October 12th this was her Facebook Status:

 Hello, everyone. I just wanted to update everyone. I know I have been gone a long time but it was much needed time away. I will probably only stay on a few days just to catch up with yal and to get numbers to keep in touch in the future. This year has been a really hard year. I truly wasn’t sure if Id ever really walk again. I really had lots of days of being so discouraged, and some of those days I would verbalize out loud where Jaz and Ian would hear and immediately they would respond with “Mommy don’t say that you will walk again.” Then I would wheel myself to my room and cry out to God to please help me. I didn’t want to let my kids down and I did feel like I had started giving up. So I really needed to do some soul searching without distractions. Once I got off FB my therapist and I busted butt. She worked me soooo very hard but she believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. MS isn’t all that know about but its a MONSTER. It doesn’t just affect your central nervous system. It affects every single thing in your body. Its painful everyday and you have to fight every single day. Well in August I finally got out of my wheelchair and onto my walker and as of September I am now not using anything. I still have a little limp but I have come so far with Gods strength and I fight everyday for my 2 beautiful babies. I passed my neuro exam and now back behind the wheel which feels amazing. I know I have had so many people praying for me and I truly appreciate every single one. I still have a ways to go but at least I’m headed back in the right direction. I love yal and hope yal are all doing amazing!!

She sent me this video (October 12th,2016)

Then as she drove her children to school a few weeks ago, a young lady “thought” she could make it, but there was no time to stop and the van was totaled, but once again Jamie did not ask for pity… she did the hard work needed to find just the right vehicle in her price range and God provided.

She finally has jumped through all the hoops of the disability system and prayerfully she should receive her first check by the end of the 1st quarter 2017.

So why this blog?  The only “disability” I have is, I deal with food allergies and PTSD.  I have a husband who has provided for our family for the past 32 years and when adversity hits me…. I start to cry out “why me?”  I don’t have even half of the perseverance that Jamie does.

I teach every week about obtaining goals and I hear all the excuses you can imagine.  Jamie has modeled when it comes to having a goal,  get rid of all your “distractions” so you can focus on your end result.

She knows she has many long days ahead of her so if she comes to mind keep her in your prayers.

As you strive to reach your goals and doubt and fear start to creep in… remember this young single mom who has once again has had to relearn to walk 5 times, and after being wheelchair ridden for 9 months is now WALKING.

Jesus wants to know the stripper

This is a re-post from a blog I did in 2012

Today I woke up with a heart ache.

I could not get out of my mind the women and moms who are working in our adult entertainment district. God has laid them on my heart to pray for their safety.  I cannot say that he has had me pray that they will get out of the industry but to pray they stay safe.  I know you are right about now saying “get me this women’s phone number. She has gone off the deep end”, but before you stone me hear me out.

As an organization we have worked with many women who have worked in the Adult entertainment industry. To sit down and listen to their stories would make you cry… Why, why did you only see this as your only option?

About 2 years ago I was running a Job Readiness Program and the State sent clients that were on Families First to my class.  I had a young women that was not only about to lose all her benefits for her and her children (food stamps and healthcare) but someone was threatening to call DCS because she was not providing the basics for her children.

She tried and tried to get a job but at that time jobs were a little harder to come by.  One day after class she approached me and said, “I hear what you are saying, but right now I need to make some money.”

For the next 20 minutes I sat down and just listened to the heart of a mom who wanted more than anything to stand on her own two feet.  She loved her kids and would do anything not to have them taken away.  She had walked away from an abusive boyfriend and was trying NOT to rely on a “guy” for anything.  She wanted to make it on her own.

I started asking questions about what she used to do before she moved here.  She told me she was a stripper.  I think she was waiting for me to say “Oh No, you can NEVER do that again”; but instead I just listened. I did not want to make her feel any lower than she already did.

I heard from her the next day when she did not show up for class, she had a job and she was providing for her and her children.  Was the job the most ideal?  NO, but she was not relying on an abusive boyfriend to make sure she was taken care of.

Why do I tell you this story?  Well as I was driving up 65 North into Franklin today my mind started wandering to 15 years ago this month when my not so perfect marriage started going awry.  My husband was unhappy and had started having an emotional affair with my best friend.  I was just beside myself when that day came and he said to me “I just don’t love you anymore”.  We started separating things and he started paying child support.  I got the house but with me not working what was I to do?

I had been a stay at home mom and had no marketable job skills.  My self-esteem took a plunge which in turn started a very quick downward spiral.  How could this be happening, we went to church every time the doors were open, we participated in every event, even organized them.; kids choir and Bible bowl were my Sunday afternoons.  Now I am sitting in the bathroom asking “how am I going to make ends meet”.

I needed money fast and knew that going through the paper, to interviews and trying to put on a show that everything was ok was NOT going to work.  So what is a girl to do?  Oh I know, I had just lost a lot of weight and looked pretty good, so let me find out where the local Strip Clubs are and I will learn to swing around a pole.

You see, emergency mode is what I was in.  I needed to provide for my 3 children and fast easy money was how I was going to make it.

Now back to why my “heart aches” for the women that are in this industry? Because that could have very easily been me; Someone’s daughter, someone’s mother, someone’s Aunt, someone’s sister.  Every one of those ladies has a different story as to why…. But in our busyness of the day do we really want to sit down and get to know “the local stripper”?

Jesus does…

 

My heart still aches for the women who see this as their only option.  If you know of young woman in this profession, please get them my information.  I would love to talk with them and equip them and empower them. star fish