I have been in several meetings recently where abuse has been brought up in the conversation.

The conversations went something like this: “well, people who are in abusive situations just need to get out. And then they need to learn to not be a victim anymore.” They went on to say “well, they put themselves in that situation”.

If you know anything about me, you know that this made my blood boil.

I asked the question,”what about the child who was abused by an authority figure? Did they chose to be put in that situation? Did they have a choice where their parent or guardian took them?”

The answer is no. They didn’t have a choice and they couldn’t get out.

Victims of abuse usually grow up thinking that somehow the abuse was their fault and that they deserved it. This thinking came from words, but more importantly it came from lack of actions by a parent or authority figure.

The lack of actions could be in the form of phrases like “You know if you would just mind” “You know if you would just stop pushing their buttons” “You know if you would just……”

When these phrases are told to a child, by an adult, create a belief that “I did something to deserve the abuse”.

Listen up! If you are now an adult who was this child…The abuse was NOT your fault.

As an adult, be aware that you may find yourself living in this world of: I don’t deserve a good relationship. I deserve to be unhappy and depressed. Something is wrong with me. And for some, they do end up in abusive relationships.

I have just recently learned that I have allowed too many days to pass me by. I have been allowing these demons that say “it was my fault” to dictate my future. It was NOT my fault then, it is NOT my fault today. What is my fault though, is that I choose to stay in this mindset that “I’m a victim”.

Today I am an adult and I have a choice, do I stay in this dark place of victim-hood, or do I face it head on and say “today is a new day, I know the past happened and I cannot change that, but I can chose to not let it rob me of another day of joy.”

Are you that child, now a grown adult? Please do not let another day go by where your joy is stolen by the demons that say “it’s all your fault”.