In 1997 my marriage was over. The divorce papers were written and we were living in separate places, child support was set, and visitation decided.

But God…

Why do I feel compelled to write this blog?

I saw a Facebook post the other day and it was venom spewing from the mouth of a very hurt woman. Her venom was being spewed towards the other woman. Her other posts were being spewed at her now estranged husband.
My heart was breaking for not only this woman but the many others whose lives are being shattered. We think their lives are being shattered by divorce but in reality they are continuing to be shattered every single day by their lack of love and self respect for themselves.

As I read the words with my eyes, I was really reading it with my heart that has been healed from that same brokenness, we are human beings allowing actions of others to dictate our happiness.

I realize more and more that I am so thankful that social media was not around in 1997 when Rob and I were going through our junk. Many things were said to anyone who would listen. Many tears were cried into my pillow. Many songs were sung at the top of my lungs to stand on the promises of God. I wish I had only said things in private to my one friend.

I seriously believe that in my anger and hurt, I would have taken to social media because it is innate within us that “I don’t care who I hurt. I am hurting so someone else is also going to feel my pain”.

We allow anger to get the best of us.

We don’t control it, it controls us.

The challenge becomes when reconciliation is on the table, you realize that the words spewed in anger cannot be taken back. The words spewed in anger that were meant to sting, to lessen your pain, you cannot take back and now you realize you were just as involved in creating the pain.

Now why do I say also that this stems from a lack of love and self- respect for themselves. I have for many years dealt with the feeling of being unworthy. If you know me and my story, you know that my addiction was not drugs or alcohol but unhealthy relationships. Most also know that Rob’s and my relationship was not so healthy in the beginning.

If you add unhealthy relationships and a feeling of unworthiness, then you get a recipe for disaster and for satan to reek havoc in your life, especially if you are confessing to be a Christian. But because we were not in a right relationship with God we allowed satan to have control. There is no being on the fence with a relationship with God, satan owns the fence.

So as I come to the end of this post, my biggest prayer is that before you take not only to social media, but also “friends, church people, employees etc”, to spew your anger, remember that we are all humans. We all make mistakes. We are not perfect. And just because you are hurt does not make it right to defame or destroy someone else. I still can remember as we were trying to rebuild our lives, how Rob felt as we attempted to find a church and new friends that hadn’t heard about our dysfunction as I was talking to anyone who would listen, to make me out to be a better person than he.