church

What… You didn’t know me?

My heart is HEAVY…

This week I finally watched “God’s Not DEAD”. After that I was doing a word study and it took me to Psalms 78 (which by the way had NOTHING to do with the word study) and then on Facebook I saw this picture

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So why is my heart heavy? In watching “Gods Not DEAD”, the Professor got all but ONE to write “God is DEAD” on a piece of paper in order to have an easier time in class. People may say “its not that big of a deal. Its just a piece of paper in a college class”. Mark 8:38 says:

If anyone is ashamed of me and my message in these adulterous and sinful days, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when He returns in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” 

Not a big deal, you say. Well sometimes God gives you a verse that means a lot to you. Its not a part of a famous sermon or one we quote often when we are looking for a “make me feel good about myself” verse. The verses that rocked my world were  Matthew 7:21-23

 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’  But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’

I  will not write down all of Psalms 78 but instead I will paraphrase it:

Verses 1-8 Talks about how God issued laws to Jacob to teach His instructions to his children.  He also commanded our ancestors to teach them their children. Why?

So each generations should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting His glorious miracle and obeying His commands. Then they will not be like their ancestors —  stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful, refusing to give their hearts to God.

Verses 9-16 talks about how they forgot all the miracles He did as they turned their backs and fled the day of battle.

Verses 17-20  talks about how they kept sinning and tested God in their hearts saying: “God can’t give us food in the wilderness. Yes, He can strike a rock so water gushes out, but He can’t give his people bread and meat.”

How many times is this us; We try to use reverse psychology on God?

Verse 21-30 God becomes furious. The fire of His wrath burned. His anger rose. They did not believe God or TRUST Him to care for them. Even though God commanded the skies to open. It rained down manna.  It rained down meat as thick as dust, birds as plentiful as the sand on the seashore.  The people ate their fill.  He GAVE them WHAT THEY CRAVED. BUT GOD… but while the meat was YET in their mouths…..

Verse 31 says:  the anger of God rose against them, and He killed their strongest men. He struck down the finest of Israel’s young men.

Verse 32-33 says but in spite of this, the people kept sinning. Despite His wonders, they refused to trust Him.

Verse 34-38 says: When God began killing them,they finally sought Him. They repented and took God seriously. Then they remembered that God was their rock, But all they gave Him was LIP service. They LIED to Him with their tongues. Their hearts were not loyal. They did not keep His covenant. BUT GOD… was merciful and forgave and DID NOT destroy them all. He did not unleash His fury and anger. He was merciful and forgave their sins

Verse 39 ends with: For He remembered that they were merely mortal, gone like a breath of wind that never returns.

So why did Psalms 78 hit me so hard?  I see we do this a lot in our culture.  We are taught.  But we walk away, grumbling and complaining when we don’t get what we THINK we need.  We start doing things on our own then complaining that God isn’t big enough to fix our problems we created by walking away  from His commands  or by breaking His laws.

So whats really eating at me? As I have been praying for Wisdom, I have added discernment to that prayer.  And one thing I keep hearing God say is: TRUTH matters.

The picture earlier in this post ends with: “says a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers”.   Now lets look at the scripture reference that backs that picture up. Matthew 7:21-23

 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’  But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’

Please do not let another day go by and think that your spiritual resume, your attendance in church, or your work in the church will get you your ticket into Heaven.

John 17:3:And this is eternal life,that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.

 

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Sex before Marriage

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I have been thinking about this for a while and I felt the need to blog about it. Sex before Marriage and the stigma that comes with that especially in the realm of Church and Christianity.

I have been to many churches; even been kicked out of a couple… And the theme is: sex before marriage will create an issue in your marriage.

Not growing up in the church, not knowing how to study the Bible for myself; I relied on the church, pastors, and other people. This just added to the guilt and shame of being pregnant before marriage.

I accepted The Lord as my Savior in the late 90’s, but unfortunately even though I was very active in the church I still did not understand the implications of NOT reading and studying the Bible for myself.

From the pulpit we are hearing sermons about freedoms from addictions: sex, drug, alcohol, pornography, but what about the freedom to have a great marriage even though you had sex before marriage……can God forgive that?

I have been on a journey this holiday season to make this WHOLE HOLIDAY Season the best one yet. I have been doing soul searching and have realized that one of the items on my to do list was made very clear and that was to rekindle a love for my husband and our marriage.

Our marriage started on very rocky ground in 1985.

Me not being the Christian.

Rob professing to be the Christian, but not living like it.

Me being pregnant was somehow my fault.

Rob made $3.35/ hour and didn’t always get 40 hours.

To add to my shame and guilt we were on food stamps (when they were paper and you had to count them out), received government subsidized food that we picked up at a Church (peanut butter, cheese, pork and vegetables). Then to top it off the Church paid our bills more than once.

A Pastor even said to his wife “they will never make it” as we drove out their driveway to move back home for awhile.

Our marriage has never been normal or all it “could” by some peoples standards but part of that has to do with shame and guilt continued by marriage seminars and Sunday sermons about how taboo sex before marriage was and that you will not have a good marriage because of that fact. While I do believe sex before marriage is a sin, it is NOT the unforgivable sin and does NOT have to haunt you the rest of your life.

These last few years I have been studying the Bible for myself even writing studies that I wish I would have had when I was trying to figure out life as a new Christian.

Last Christmas was our first Christmas as empty nesters. This now meant it was just Rob and I and this had never been the case. After Christmas I realized that it was time to work even more on me and our marriage.

So this past year has been a year of intentionality of marriage.

Has it been easy? No.

Has it always been fun? NO.

But here are my takeaways
1) Just because things were done in your past does not mean they have to define the rest of your life.
2) I realized that I had become the “codependent” mother I teach about. I had spent the last 29 years taking care of everyone that I needed to, and still am on a journey to find me and not let my excuses become my realities.
3) And the biggie that I have learned just this last week: words hurt but I have 2 choices:                                                                                                                                                                                                                          a) learn from them

b) let them keep you in bondage
I have allowed the later to happen. Words or statements like ” your marriage will never be all that it can be because….you had sex before marriage”.

So if you are one of the many who did NOT wait to have sex before marriage and have had this shame and guilt over you; my prayer is that you will find that God’s forgiveness for sins included you having sex before marriage and that your marriage is what you make it.

And when you ask God to forgive you for your sins and make Him The Lord of your life…. God wipes your sins clean He does forgive you for all…. including sex before marriage but here is the clincher….You need to forgive YOU.

This was what was missing…. I had allowed the words spoken by man to hold more weight than Gods word.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

If you need more information about forgiving yourself please email me at meredithsagekendall@gmail.com

No Shower will EVER be enough

So why are you here?

Why did you not go to the church?

Her answer: the church doors were locked and I did not know how to get in.  I could see people walking around, but no one heard my silent cries for help.

Why did you not knock harder?

Her answer: I didn’t want to be rejected.  I’ve been rejected for so long by people, that I was afraid to be rejected by God.

Church wake up..these buildings are to be a safe place, a place of refuge 7 days a week.

We are  group of hurting people fear of rejection.  Church please don’t reject us also.  Open your doors.  Open your doors and walk with us.  Don’t condemn us, we can do that on our own.  Don’t look at us with those eyes; you know those eyes that tell us we don’t fit in.  We know we don’t, you don’t have to judge us too, we already feel dirty enough. No shower will ever be enough.  The stank, we have created by our choices, you remind us that it will always be there by the way you walk to the other side of the hallway or sidewalk.

We just need someone to hold us and tell us they love us without expecting anything in return.

We need someone to walk with us in relationship that isn’t afraid to get our stink on them.  That stench we smell, that permeates our skin because we’ve  worn it for so long…..

***If you are this person in this story, please know that Jesus, has not and will not reject you. If you are afraid of being rejected but need someone to talk to please reach out.***