churchplanting

Catch 22

This is a repost from my old blog site (the180program.blogspot.com) but it has been my heart recently as I have seen once again people who are giving up becuase they think its easier or its the only way.

The truth is……

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way…

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram “debilitating mentalities”.  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don’t want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe (usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities…. She is hearing….

“You did something to deserve this”

“No one will believe you because you’re just a prostitute”.

“You call the police, they won’t believe you, look at your rap sheet”.

So the truth is….. Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of “healthy people”, walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when “their excuses” are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they “slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors”… To not judge so harshly that you say “screw this, you’re not worth my time”, and walk away.

Your relationship may change, but we don’t add to the shame by saying “I knew you’d mess up.  I knew you couldn’t do it”.

That does not help anyone get healthy.

If you are someone who is walking in relationship with someone that fits this model, and you would like more information on how to effectively minister to them please fill out the following form:

The Kendall Factor: A legacy of Faith

This past April I had the privilege of spending a week at the beach with all my husbands brothers and sisters, their spouses, mom and dad and another couple who grew up knowing the Kendall’s. It was here that the friend brought up the term, “The Kendall Factor.” What did he mean by “The Kendall Factor?” All 16 people sitting at that table are devoted to Christ and continuing the legacy of the Kendall family.   I am not a Kendall by birth, I am a Kendall by marriage. For the longest time it was just the name I was given when the preacher pronounced us man and wife.  P1000614

Most know that Robs and my marriage did not start off on the best of feet. I was pregnant. We hadn’t known each other long and to make matters worse, Robs mom and dad found out we were getting married when I called to ask what my soon to be father-in-laws middle name was becuase I needed it for the invitations. There has been many more rocky roads in this 31 years BUT GOD is all I can say.

I know that for the past 3 decades, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my marriage has been prayed for by my in-laws.

When you are young and living life things doesn’t really sink in, but now today things have changed. I realized I am a Kendall. This past weekend I read a book written by Robs grandfather.  Its like an autobiography/tales from the road, but in reality it was much more than that. It was about a legacy that started in the late 1800’s when Rob’s Great-Grandfather was saved.

I laughed, I cried and by the end of the book I mourned.

Grandpa’s dad, was saved in the late 1800’s. He was out in the woods when he gave his life to Christ, (maybe that is why Rob loves the woods so much).  Here is the story as told by Grandpa

My father was converted at age 20 while alone in the woods. At that time, he was attending a church where a cuspidor (a large bowl, often of metal, serving as a receptacle for spit, especially from chewing tobacco) was kept by the pulpit for the worldly pastor, and where board members sometimes became so heated in argument they would pull off their coats. Fathers testimony must have been a shocker. He said,  “The Lord saved me from chewing tobacco and getting mad”. The people responded, saying, “Bert, we believe you are in earnest, but don’t you think you have gone too far?”  

The same Jesus that saved my Great-Grandfather that day can and will deliver you but you have to be willing.  Great-Grandpa was willing and he actually then moved to a different church and became a circuit pastor.

First conviction: When “church people” are telling you to not take it too far when you have been freed from something, do you stand your ground and find where God would have you to worship or do you allow their worldly behaviors to make you think “maybe God doesn’t really require me to give up these things?”

Great-Grandmother prayed for her children.  She actually said that she was convinced before Walter was even born that she knew he would be a preacher, and Grandpa says that is why he was named Walter Sellew after a “bishop of her church”.

Next conviction: Do we pray for and over our children like that?

We get caught up in our daily lives, I get that; but why do we not pray for our children’s lives before we have them? And I mean specific prayers of doing great things?

Back to the story:

At 16 Grandpa was running away from his faith.  The only reason he went to a camp meeting that afternoon was because he heard that Ruth Johnson was going to be there (he had met her earlier, but he got sick and had to return home to heal). Grandpa says it was a dreary afternoon, someone trying to preach and suddenly he saw himself as a sinner sliding into Hell. He goes on to say ” my mothers prayers for me must have been with me, for all I had been taught about God became real to me”.  In his book he then said these words became meaningful to him :

There is a spot to me more dear,
Than native vail or mountain:
A spot for which affection’s tear
Springs grateful from its fountain.
Its not the place of kindred  minds,
Though that is almost heaven;
But where I first my Savior found
and felt my sins forgiven. 

Religion had only been a teaching “Thou Shall NOT”, then suddenly the world became new to me and I was never the same again.

As I read this story of my grandfather-in-laws life, I found myself yearning more and more for this life of faith, this life led by the Holy Spirit, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I don’t mean he was speaking in tongues or jumping pews, he had a  faith knowing that Jesus heals, that Jesus provides, that Jesus nudges us to live a life full of holiness. I wanted this filling. I don’t want the head knowledge but the filled with the Holy Spirit in my heart so full that is exudes through every pore of my body.  The filling of the Holy Spirit that when youInstagram Post are not being pure and right that you can’t sleep until you make it right. Instagram Post (1)

Here are memes I made while reading the book.

 

 

Instagram Post (2)

One of the quotes that I felt convicted of was do I pray, “Lord if you will make it plain, I will do it?” Grandpa was talking about being truthful and publicly placing on the alter his sin of the heart.  Pride, conceit, carnal fear, and carnal ambition. It was during a camp meeting and the first words the Evangelist that night said not once but used it over and over in the 15 minutes he spoke: John 2:5 “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

As the Evangelist was done speaking, Grandpa got up, stated his need, begged to be forgiven and asked for prayer. In his book, Grandpa said, “At the alter satan taunted me saying” you have made a fool of yourself. You will have to get up and go on as you are”.

As I read this I realized how many times satan keeps us in our fear to seriously ask God to forgive us because we don’t see God for who He is and what He is calling us to do.

To end this, I realized while reading this book that I am part of a legacy that was started in the late 1800’s.

What am I doing to continue this legacy?

 

 

 

So you want to start an Inner-City Youth program

In 2003, God called my husband and me away from 2, 6 figure incomes to become Stateside Missionaries.  For the past 13 years I have given my all to families who are broken.  My children have commented, at times, it felt like I cared more for the moms than I did my own family.

My husband has written a book called “Breaking the Broken: Debunking the Myth of Social Justice”.  This book is not just a tidbit of our story, but more importantly Gods plan to redeem the poor to dignity by walking with them in relationship.  The challenge comes when everyone has their own idea of how things are to work instead of using Jesus as our example. Jesus healed people. Jesus gave people dignity. Jesus empowered people to take care of themselves.

As I sat in court this morning my heart broke not just for the kids, but also for the mothers, because both are a product of their environment.

I tell people all the time that most of the moms we work with are just children in parent bodies. They are trying to navigate life without the needed tools.

How do we change this?

Have we ever considered expanding your Inner-City Youth programs and making them Inner-City Family Programs?

While having fun with kids is important, did you include the parents?  Did you know that there could have been a father figure in the home? Did you know that you just added to his belief that he will never be a good enough father?

Did you know that the mom would have absolutely loved to be invited to the “mother-daughter” outing?

An inner-city youth program to be successful, to break the chains off, needs to be intentional: family style.  I mean everyone sit down to the dinner table and become vulnerable to each other.

A truly successful ministry results in families being given the tools to make it on their own through sustainable life services.

Thirteen years ago, we were told by prominent pastors in the area that Against the Grain would never work.  We needed to go back to work and take care of ourselves. That the moms were just going to take advantage of us because they truly did not want to change.  As we continued to serve the moms, helping them to get education and jobs (sustainable changes), other churches and non-profits would start working in the same neighborhood just giving everything away.  There was no training, just vehicles showing up, opening their back ends and flooding the neighborhoods with all the free stuff, one could want. So why would anyone want to learn or try for themselves, when if they just waited a few days, people would show up and give them things?

We met with those that were coming into the neighborhood, because if we worked together and quit giving everything away, there could be sustainable change in the lives of the moms and therefore the children.

I was told that I did not know what I was talking about and the giveaways would continue.  Equipping people to break free from the cycles of poverty is an uphill battle and the constant giveaway programs made it nearly impossible. We chose to refocus our efforts and work to repair the damage give away programs had created. While we continued our relationships in the community we started working with men and women that were incarcerated or previously incarcerated.

Where are those organizations today?  They have long gone onto the next thing, left the neighborhood and in turn left the moms worse than they were. Many of them were on course to do something with their lives, but missed their window of opportunity.

Did you know you only have 5 years to get off the government system? With an action plan one can go to school, get an education and graduate with a Bachelor’s degree before losing all benefits from the government. Many of these women lost this opportunity and are now struggling to survive.

Today as I sat in court, my heart broke because the church has failed.  I have failed.  I allowed others to dictate the outcome.  I allowed the words of others to impact my ability to fight for those we had so passionately adopted as daughters and grandchildren.

You may be thinking you want the fast easy way to change a life but change takes time. Breaking the cycles of poverty is not a microwave dinner.

Relationship is messy and you cannot pick and choose what part of the inner-city family you are going to work with. Life change takes a holistic approach. You cannot change one without working with the rest of them; that is NOT the way inner-city relationships work.

God has shown me that I have a voice in this fight.  God has allowed all this transition to take place so we can become even more fruitful for His Kingdom.

I still work with moms and children, I still work in jails, halfway homes and transitional centers.  I still teach in homeless shelters and low income communities, but in order to be the most effective for God, it is time to train those who want to start an effective Inner-City Family Program. After all, Jesus equipped and trained others to go and do.

Missionaries can be Stateside too

When someone is a missionary, they are like special forces behind enemy lines….this goes for stateside missionaries too.

This past week I was one of 5 speakers for a luncheon. As I was preparing for the talk, Rob asked me what the topic was supposed to be; I said I was not sure if there was a theme. Then he asked how long do you have; again I said, I am not sure.

All I knew was that lunch was on Friday and I was the “stateside missionary” speaking.

As we were traveling to the conference we started the process of writing down different things, so that no matter what the topic was to be, I would be prepared.

We arrived at the conference, and found out that lunch was on Friday at noon, in the Marriott.

The conference started and our booth was bustling with people and I never got around to asking the 2 very important questions.
1) how much time?
2) what was the topic?

I arrived at the luncheon and decided now was probably a good time to at least ask how long and when do I speak.

Luckily, I was last and I had only 7 minutes. I can wing this, I said to myself. The MC gets up and says “now you will hear from our missionaries”. What no lead in, no question, no nothing….just tell us what’s on your heart.

It was finally my time to speak and as I stood up, I felt the lump in my throat rising. All I could think was, how am I going to speak for 7 minutes when I don’t think I am going to be able to say the first words with out the tears starting.

I was wrong, the tears waited for me to start talking and feel somewhat comfortable, then they started.

So’s why was this hard?

It was hard because the last week in ministry leading up to this event was extremely difficult.

We had a mom who was desperately trying to make ends meet, almost losing her housing. The price tag for that was over $1700. After all the pleas that went out and the mom putting in over 10% of her own money, we only raised $800 of it. So as a ministry we covered it in hopes that the money would come in to replace it. It hasn’t, but she has a roof over her head and a budget to stick to and they are NOT homeless.

We had a mom overdose and was being buried while we were away.

Then, the computer we use crashed right before the big presentation.

Usually, I would be able to get some time alone with the Lord, pray, journal, sleep and be refreshed the next day. This was not the case. Everyday seemed to bring even more darkness.

Then it hit me the notes from the car ride about being a stateside missionary. They were raw emotion being verbalized. For so long you just do and don’t think, but when you see things on paper they become real and even started hurting, especially because I was so tired and felt so alone.

Here are some of our notes and what I am realizing is that they are true for many stateside missionaries.

So if you or your church supports a stateside missionary please ask God how you might encourage them this year and for as long as they are on the front lines.

When you are a stateside missionary you do not get invited to speak at churches through out the U.S. when you come home on furlough, to be asked how’s it going, and how can we support you even more.

Most don’t acknowledge the work of a stateside missionary so therefore very few outside your own hometown support the work.

Stateside missionaries don’t get care packages.

One of the biggest challenges stateside missionaries have is that of resources. Sometimes we think it would be easier to do the work in a third-world county without the resources available, instead of knowing they are available but not being allowed to use them.

Stateside missionaries never get to go back home to take a break.

When wanting to help a stateside missionary, make sure that your idea is a help and not creating more work for the stateside missionary.

Most stateside missionaries feel isolated and alone, even living in a 1st world country.

This list is by no means an exhaustive list…these are just things that came quickly as we were brainstorming “what do you want the church to know about stateside missionaries“.