Not many people knew what we were facing starting at 20 weeks into Amanda’s pregnancy. We prayed for healing. We prayed for miracles. We wanted so bad for God to show up in a mighty way and prove the doctors wrong.  In my humanness I could say that God failed me. Again in my human nature I could be mad and blame God for making us have to grieve this way…but I can’t… all I can say is 

But God…. 

Let me preface all this with… I was still praying for a miracle of healing. I am also a planner by personality and I didn’t want anyone having to make decisions while attempting to grieve. 

I reached out to a couple who were high school classmates. Their job is helping people plan their funerals before the time is needed. I felt they would be a great resource and boy was I correct. Within the hour they had already spoken to and given me the name of a funeral home. This home, when they first began made it a mission to make sure that infants who passed would be taken care of with dignity and respect. When I first made contact, they prayed with me over the phone asking God for a miracle of healing as well. We ended the phone call with, “I pray you don’t have to call me back.”  Unfortunately I did have to call them back and once again, the first thing she did was pray with us. They were amazing to work with and even made sure we had Reese’s ashes in time for the memorial. 

The second phone call I made was to the hospital where Reese would be born. I wanted to make sure that if the need arises there would be social workers, grief counselors and because they were very involved in a church we knew we didn’t need chaplain services. Not only did Sarah the social worker check on Amanda the day of Reese’s birth and death, she gave us her cell number if we needed her.  Prior to the birth, she also had started the approval process for Amanda’s two younger children to be allowed in her room. And only as God can do, He had our nurse that day all of a sudden forget how to count. The new rule is only 2 people in the room at a time, at one time we had 10. 

The third phone call was to a nonprofit called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They are professional photographers who give of their time to provide the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby.  Not only did God provide an amazing photographer, she was also certified to be in the operating room during birth. This nonprofit gave an amazing gift of a story through pictures. 

On February 5  the day before Reese was born. This was from the calendar that Amanda has sitting on her counter. 

Before you ever came into being, God had a purpose in mind for you. 

On February 6 Reese’s birth and death date from the same daily calendar. 

As God alone watched your body being formed in your mothers womb, he already knew what was ahead. 

If you didn’t know what was going on in our lives at this time, they may have just been words on a page but for us knowing in the next 24 hours what we would be in for, it was another reminder that God was in control and He already had it ordained. 

On Monday February 6th waiting for the arrival of Reese we really didn’t know what to expect. Based upon pictures off the internet we weren’t even sure photographs would be an option. Then the most precious picture arrived. 

He was perfect and breathing on his own. Two by two (due to updated regulations since 2020) we got to go up to the room to spend some quality time. That continued for just a short time when the nurse told Ryan she didn’t know how to count today at which time we all emptied our staging area in the cafeteria and embarked upon floor 4, room 4219. God had given us the perfect day to spend together as family and friends as we weren’t expecting the gift of life for a day. 

As we all emptied the room and only mom, dad and baby were left, God gave them seven more glorious hours to pray over, to love on and to cherish his short sweet life and at 10:36pm, he took his last breath and entered into the loving arms of Jesus. 

The next morning was tough. We had to explain to Reagan, our six year old grandson and Reese’s older brother, that even though Reese looked perfect, he was not really perfect and had passed away and was now with Jesus. His first response was to cry and say he would miss him. Then just that quick he turned and said “are you kidding me right now?”  He then got up off the couch and matter of factly told us he needed to get ready for school. 

After the car rider line we proceeded to pack up anything newborn. It was our daughter’s wish that all baby items be donated to the local crisis pregnancy center. 

Arriving at the side door where donations are dropped off, I knocked and waited to be called in. Walking in, I stated that I had donations to drop off and I would attempt to get through this without crying. I only got out the words, “my daughter had her son yesterday and….” without missing a beat the worker asked if I was the Osburn’s. I was shocked and told her it was my daughter. The next statement blew me away. “I don’t know your daughter, but we have been praying and have been hearing of her faith during this time.” 

I couldn’t help but get tearful again, but this time for a different reason. Her faith. She had pressed into her faith. Over and over again during the pregnancy she would tell me that God was going to do God and that she had faith he would take care of it how He saw fit. At another time she told me that until she knew for sure, she was going to focus on the three beautiful children that were right in front of her and be present in their lives. 

Over and over again in the next few days this was the theme, pressing into their faith and knowing God is in control. 

People who were watching from afar texted and told how they had walked away from their faith and blamed God for all that was going on in their life but watching this unfold gave them a renewed hope to walk back to God and not blame Him but to ask Him how He would use them. 

Not many people knew what was going on with my daughters pregnancy, but after Reese’s passing it was said, “now I understand your daughters Facebook posts”

The day after Reese had passed Amanda wrote this and shared a meme of Tim Tebow’s

During the week before the memorial someone had sent us the Biblical meaning of Reese and Edward. 

Reese means: Inspired by God; Zealous; 

Edward means: Guardian or Protector

Now that we are a week out from the memorial, grief overcomes me in the weirdest ways. A song. A smell. A picture. Or even a newborn baby. 

As I was watching a movie the other night, a son had defied his fathers wishes to follow in his footsteps. He instead followed his dreams. I caught myself wondering what Reese would have grown up to do with his life. 

God whispered, Reese fulfilled his life’s purpose. He brought people back to Me. 

In just 14 short hours Reese pointed people to Jesus in ways that were unimaginable. As I think about that I am embarrassed to ask if I have been that productive in my over five decades?