Leadership

3 things you need to know to be successful

I asked my dad a few months ago to teach me how to be successful. In reality that was not the question I intended to ask but that is how I framed it.  His answer was quite provoking to the point I have thought, prayed, and journaled quite a bit about it for many months.

His answer was “I can’t teach you to be successful. ”

I was actually quite offended by his answer because he is very successful in business.

“Why can’t you?” is what I wanted to ask as a follow-up question but instead God had me dwell on those words to make me realize “my dad was right”. 

He CANNOT teach me nor anyone else how to be successful.  To be successful in anything starts with a paradigm shift

First, you have to want to change.

Second, you have to see that you are worthy of being or doing something different.

Third, you have to put in the hard work

Turning your life around is not only hard but it is scary.

Why is it scary?

Because change requires effort.

Change also requires responsibility.

The other day I saw a status on Facebook and it was saying that this person was upset because they found out that their life was going to change and the very next thing was “I did not sign up for this.” Let’s just say, you play with fire you will get burned. Maybe not the first time but negative behaviors will result in bad consequences.

So change requires effort.  It requires responsibility, but change also requires that you are no longer the victim in the equation.

When I teach, I tell people that as long as they have breath in their lungs and they are NOT a complete invalid, where someone else is required to care for them 24/7, then they can change.

But there is a challenge when you have never done life without an addiction. An addiction is anything that keeps you enslaved to something or a behavior. Or maybe you have never done life without having a relationship, even when it is toxic (poisonous up to death) and dysfunctional (not operating as it should).

So if you want to have a different tomorrow, it starts today with a choice and tomorrow with the follow through.

It’s your choice

How my past affects my present

As I continue my journey of Renewing my Mind

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

 

and asking God to show me His truth versus the lies I have lived with for many years, today I had another Aha moment.

Fear of Rejection and or Abandonment. 

I realized that another learned behavior of mine is fear.

For this blog I want to talk about the fear of abandonment and rejection.

As I was reading this morning it said that when you  have this fear of abandonment and rejection then you are susceptible to looking for a meaningful identity outside of a true and complete relationship with God.

As I was praying I found God saying, “I need to you to read that in regards to all aspects of your life, not just as words written on a page.”

Immediately I saw how this fear could allow people to get into relationships that are abusive.  My immediate thought was of those who get into domestic abuse situations, but God said, “look beyond.”

As I was pondering this, I was taken to a post I had written earlier called “who are you hitching your cart to?”

It became clear that God wanted me to see that because of a fear of abandonment and rejection, that I was still carrying with me from years ago, I was making business decisions based upon the lens of my past.  You see when you have abandonment and rejection as part of your story, you may put your blinders on not just in personal relationships, but also in business relationships in order to find a meaningful identity.  The red flags may be so obvious that a toddler even knows there is danger, but because of your lens of the past, you push them to the side and run even faster in order to be accepted by someone; anyone.

Just last week I was talking with a friend and recounting how many times I have prayed, no scratch that, I told God what I thought was best and then made the plans to do my plan. I told this young lady that I have learned that sometimes God allows you to have it your way, because He is tired of listening to you whine about it.

Today, I have come to realize that maybe it wasn’t God giving in, it was me looking for a meaningful identity outside of a true and complete relationship with God.

I know I also need to thank God that He did not leave me nor forsake me even in my pursuit of trying to find my identity in something else besides Him.

So as I pray through my “action plan” for 2018, I have a new filter: Does this bring me closer or farther away from my identity in God?

Road Closed!!!

This was originally written on July 19, 2014 on my old blog site at the180program.blogspot.com. This was a very dark time for me personally and unfortunately I could not speak to many about it, becuase it was better to put on a mask and fake it than it was for the truth to be known.  Today though I am very grateful to be able to say I am on the other side of it; and my body is still in the healing process. 

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week, if you watch my news feed on Facebook,  you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer, and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to “fix it” yourself….Yep I am there.

 

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?
How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all!
But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.
Be strong, all you people still left in the land.
And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today?

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed.

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Version Mine 

If this spoke to you and you would like me to pray for you, fill out the form below with your request.

Sometimes you just need to GIVE-UP and QUIT

For Christmas I was given the opportunity to own a pair of “Designed by me” Oakley Sunglasses.  I was so excited. I designed them to be maize and blue… just like my favorite football team, U of M.

I love how they look and now I would own a pair absolutely free, or were they?

You see, I have to wear glasses full- time.  I need them for distance and I need them to read close up, so this is where the dilemma started.

 

 

How hard can it be to wear contacts?

My husband was encouraging but also said things like “how are you going to put in a contact? You can’t even put drops in your eyes.”

I was determined.  I called and made an appointment for 2 hours later.

I am excited but also nervous.

I get through the appointment and the Doctor is saying things like “we will try, this first.  If this does not work then we will try another route.” Basically he was saying because I have astigmatism in one eye and I wear bifocals, and I need glasses for distance, that we would be in a trial and error stage.

I sit down and watch the cartoon video on the do’s and don’ts of contact wearing and care.

The video finishes, I wash my hands and now the fun begins.  I need to put in and take out my new contacts.

It takes a while, I get frustrated go figure… I am the one who cooks on HI so that it’ll get done faster, forgetting the fact it also burns and does not cook evenly.  I breathe, pray, and finally the contacts are in.

The doctor looks at them, I can see at about 8 feet away, in a small confined room and I can see up close, not great, but I can see.  I keep telling myself that I just need to get used to them.

I leave the office, walk out to the car and we start driving… oh this is not good, everything is blurry.  I just need to get used to them, I keep telling myself.

Friday is a snowstorm so we are in all day, and Saturday I have to sit for a couple of hours through a training.  I am so excited, I get to wear my new sunglasses. Wait a minute, I can’t read the street signs.  Whats going on?  I get to the training and I can’t read the HUGE powerpoint screen… I am talking a screen that you see in a Mission Control room, oh wait, it was in a state of the art command center, and I can’t read the powerpoint. I’ll spare you the details of trying to take them out (it took like 15 minutes).

Monday, comes and I call the doctor they can see me at 2pm.

“Ok, so that is not going to work”, he says.  Lets try these.  I put them in and take them right back out. NOPE.

“Ok so lets try this brand and now your left eye is for up close and your right eye is for distance.”

I said, you think my brain is going to like this?

The doctor said, people do it all the time.

OK, I was saying in my head, you are the doctor.

All the way home I had one hand partially over my right eye, just so I didn’t get sick trying to drive.  I was willing to try this for 48 hours and see if my brain would rewire my eyes so that it would work, because the last resort were contacts for distance only and keep readers with me at all times.

About 5pm, I decided to take out my contacts.  NOPE, not happening.  I tried. I cried. I prayed. I made a pact with God. I was so desperate, that I had my husband even try to get the contacts out.

At 6:30,  my husband and I were driving to the doctor’s office to get my contacts out of my eyes.

This morning as I was getting ready, I started dreading, not the putting in my contacts, but tonight the taking them out.

As I started to get my contacts out of their case, I heard God saying “you said, if I got them out, you would not put them back in.”

I immediately started thinking that I was a failure if I did not put those contacts in and that I let them win.

My word this year is “OVERCOMER” and I felt that if I gave up I was not overcoming.

I realized though, that I was being held hostage by a lie.

The lie was that if I quit, I was a quitter, I was a loser. I would some how be less than.

No, I needed to realize what truth was.

For me why would I continue to put contacts in my eyes, just so I could wear a really cool pair of sunglasses? The contacts, in reality were doing more to frustrate me, they were causing me headaches and according to the Doctor my prescription would never be exactly correct?

So my aha moment came over a pair of sunglasses, and contacts; what is it that you need to walk away from because it’s not healthy but because you are afraid of being labeled a quitter, a loser or thinking you will be thought less than; you continue with that unhealthy choice?

 

 

 

It starts with a THOUGHT

We have entered week 2 of the New Year and most people have either already given up on or at least cheated on their New Years Resolution /Goal.

If you are one of those people, I want you to ask yourself why?

I know my why?  Because the Blue Cheese on the Black and Blue Burger just looked too good.

My thought pattern was this: “I’ll remove most of it.  It will only be a little on each bite.”

By the time I was done, just like the nurse who was sitting across from me said… “if you are allergic, you will have a response within 15 minutes,” I was coughing.

Right then and there, I decided for me that I have a new expectation for 2017. I want to see how long I can go without a breathing treatment for my reactive airway.  It is something I can control with diet, but I have to be willing to follow through, and I am allergic to dairy, but not like a peanut allergy, so I have always felt I could cheat. (See prior blogs: I didn’t cheat that much part one and part two )

I believe if more people would stop talking about New Years Resolutions and Goals and start asking this question: What is my new expectation for myself when it comes to: _________________________________________________, we would actually accomplish things through out the year. 

When I teach on goals we talk about the book Good to Great by Jim Collins. In this book he uses the metaphor of a bus and having the right people on the bus in the right seats.  Well for our analogy, we first say you need to slam on the brakes, open the door and throw off anyone and everyone who is not helping you to become the best person you can become.

You know those are the people who are belittling you, talking about you behind your back, always making excuses for themselves and you.  There is also another group of people that  you need to throw off your bus, they are those who can’t even see themselves becoming successful.  If they can’t see themselves as successful, how are they going to help you become successful?

Now that you have thrown everyone off… pull up to the next stop and let on only a couple of people.  Here is a mistake that people make;  You do NOT need 15 people talking to you.  You need to pick a few people that see in you what you want to accomplish and ask them to hold you accountable.

Here is the next hurdle you have to jump over: YOU!!!!

You need to be willing to hear the hard words of someone who can see the end result you have laid out in a vision, when they tell you to slow down, turn left, go straight or STOP!

 

This commercial is from GE that Ideas are scary.  As I watched this video, I quickly saw it as a learning tool for people who don’t have the right people in their lives, equipping and empowering them to succeed.

Take time to watch this video and ask yourself who is it in my life that I still need to throw off my bus?  What new expectation (IDEA) do I have that I want to go after, even though it is scary?

Who are the right people to be on my bus that will EQUIP and EMPOWER me to go after my new expectation, my IDEA?

 

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How do you see yourself today?

I have been teaching about life transformation for the past 14 years.  I have taught in Jails, Prisons, Halfway houses, Crisis Pregnancy Centers, Low income neighborhoods, and homeless shelters. Every time I teach, I learn something new about myself, which in itself is funny, because I wrote the curriculum I teach.

A question in week 2 of the foundational piece, called New Beginnings, is “In all honesty, how do you see yourself today”.

As a teacher you can usually ask the question and never think about it yourself. That is until God asks you to answer that question.

Last year, after reading the book One Word, my word was “worthy”.

As we are ending 2016 and starting 2017 I want to share my experience into finding myself “worthy” and how God would not let me rest until I worked through the demons of my past.

In every week of the foundational piece of the 180 Curriculum, we have goal sheets.  These goal sheets look like this

Basically, you have a goal that you want to reach.  Then you break it down into bite size pieces, so that you can first celebrate the small accomplishments. Second stay on track. Third, if that goal is going to take longer, you move it to the following week and make more bite sized goals from it.

The reason I came up with this format was because my father started working with computers, when computers only operated when you used a flow chart to get to the end result.  To me, it was like the ‘Aha’ moment, “I can reach my goals, if I just break them down.”

After teaching this for all these years, I realized that I sabotaged my goals and here is why. It was a learned behavior.  Let me explain.

Growing up I wanted to tryout for basketball.  I was so excited. I practiced and the day was finally here. I was ready to stay after school when the call came in, it was from my step-father.  “You had better not stay after,” I was told, “you will not like the consequences.”

A couple of years later, I was so excited.  I was going to try out to be a majorette in the high school marching band. I had my routine all prepared and I was so excited to stay after and try out when… the phone call came in. “You had better not stay after,” I was told, “you will not like the consequences.”

If you take these two major events in my life and couple it with the dysfunction that was going on in the home, I was being told that I would never amount to anything.  I was also told that no one would ever want to hear what I had to say, this was priming me for sabotaging my goals and success.

Even though I left that home and started my own family, those words were a part of my psyche.

Even into my marriage, there was a certain man who would jokingly talk about how I could have done better than my husband. Adding even more to the insecurity of my worthiness.  Unfortunately this person was someone that I saw a lot, and was respected in his position of authority in the Church.

Then came another man  of authority who through his lack of words to me and more by his actions, stated that I should not start a non-profit, that it wouldn’t succeed, and that my husband needed to go back to work and support his family.

It was not until 2016, as I started this journey on my one word “worthy” that I realized how unworthy I really felt, especially when it came to men in authority, especially those in Church authority and that were respected by many, but when it came to how I was treated by them, they added to my feeling of being unworthy.

I am so excited to say that as I have worked through my demons, I have called meetings with men in authority this past quarter and have walked out of those meetings feeling like I do matter and I do have a voice.

God has given me an ability to be an advocate.  To be a woman of God, who will push forth His agenda on teaching transformational living and leadership.

Now, we enter 2017… and my new word is “Overcomer”, and I can’t wait to see what God does with that.

 

 

 

I didn’t cheat that much Part 2

This is how part 1 ended:

This was a conscious choice that I made to cheat on my food allergy diet, it not a medical condition like asthma. It is 100% a choice of  living in denial, that my excuse, “I can cheat just a little, because it doesn’t affect anyone but me.”

Because of my conscious choice of “cheating”, it affected me by being sick even thinking I may not make it through the night.

But it also affected my husband because he took care of me.  It also affected our budget.  We do not have $500 of indispensable income.  It also affected my daughter because today, she wanted me to go shopping with her.  It also affected an out of town visitor and her children, because we were not able to see them again while they were visiting and I had promised her son I would cook and bake with him.

I know that there will be things that I accidently eat (ie while traveling and not getting all the ingredients in the spices or sauces).

But today, I choose not to cheat on purpose.

Today I still have to live with the consequences of cheating since Thanksgiving.

Just today I have spent $270.  Earlier this week I spent almost $100 on a chiropractic appointment and vitamins.  A week and half ago we spent over $100 on other “Natural products”.

So this “choice to cheat” cost almost $500 out of pocket expense…just because I said “it’s not that bad.  I didn’t cheat that much and it will only affect me.”

I am the co-author of a program called The 180 Program. In the foundational piece called New Beginnings  week 4 is on Excuses.  In this week we look at all the people that you make excuses for and all the people that make excuses for you.  We also look at a cycle of what happens when we allow others and ourselves to stay in that cycle of excuse making also known as living in denial.

As we enter 2017, I have a serious question:

Are you ready to get off the cycle of insanity? You have to do it for you! If you do it for anyone else, it will not become a new behavior you are invested in for you and only you.

Are you ready to say NO MORE EXCUSES?

 

 

Feel free to download the sample week 4 and do the work. I would love to hear your feedback.

 

Lessons from the Chimneys

Chimneys

Chimneys

This past week I had the opportunity to hike to the top of the Chimneys, this almost 2 mile hike to an altitude of just over 4600 ft. was a hike I will not soon forget. I guess I didn’t know what to expect, except I was headed to the top of that!

So I layered up because it was chilly, grabbed my camera and a bottle of water.

 

 

The rivers were beautiful. P1050744

 

Icy riverThe snow and ice was amazing.

I was traveling along not really thinking about it, then we hit these steps. P1050776

As I was climbing these steps, all I could think was, it would be much easier to climb if these steps weren’t here.

 

 

So lesson one I learned: sometimes when trying to reach a goal, you may encounter someone who wants to help and has your best interest in mind, but their help may make it harder to achieve your goal.

Hiking along, I am getting tired and I really want to quit, but I really want to finish; and my amazing husband starts asking me if I want to turn around and go back. He even starts asking how’s my face (previous injury from 2011), are you ok? We can stop if we need to.

Lesson two: I realized how many times I quit too early because I am tired and then someone I respect, admire etc… again with my best interest in mind, adds to my self talk that I need to quit.

I stand my ground and start arguing with myself. NO!!!! I am going to finish! I am NOT going to quit.

P1050802We come to this sign that states we haven’t even gone a mile. My inner arguing starts again. “No one will ever know”, ” you did your best”; and I start talking to myself, “I will know, and I want to finish this hike and cross it off my bucket list.”

So we continue on. Slowly and even more slowly, after 2 hours we are at the top. 20151124_140730

This entire hike ended up being, not just a “bucket list” item, but a telling tale of how many times I have had a goal, and allowed my self talk to emerge to the point of “sabotaging my goals.”

Lesson three: I will start to take my goals very serious and accomplish them, maybe slowly and even more slowly….but this hike made me realize that I DO want to reach the top for myself so I can compare my “pictures” to theirs, instead of saying “oh how beautiful, I wish I could have seen it for myself.”

With 2016 just around the corner what are your goals?  And when the sabotaging self talk starts, what defense do you have in place to counteract the negativeness?

Jesus is Felony Friendly

 

This past weekend I had the privilege of being one of the speakers at a Women’s Conference.  My topic was Bible 101.  No it was not on facts like there are 66 books in the Bible and Paul, who was Saul; his job before writing most of the New Testament was to persecute Christians.

Actually it was on the fact that if we believe the Bible is true and I do.  2 Timothy 3:16-17

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

That we will believe Genesis 1:27

So God created human beings in His own image.

And if we are looking in the mirror and we don’t see His image; then the question becomes do you know what His image is supposed to look like?

Philippians 2:5-6a

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God….

We do have a book full of what it means to look in the mirror and ask ourselves the question “do we look like the image of God”?

So what does this have to do with Jesus is Felony Friendly.

Romans 5:6 says

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 

Then Romans 5:8 says 

But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

A sin is defined as a an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law. The synonyms are words like misdemeanor, crime, offense, wrong doing, etc.

God loved us in our sinful nature so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us.

John 3:16-17

 For this is how God loved the world: He g ave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.  God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

God woo’d us from our own jail cell.  The jail cell of our sinful nature Galatians 5: 19-21

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures,  idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these

The challenge becomes when you are labeled by society as a “once a sinner always a sinner”  it is easier to stay or re-offend than it is to change or be transformed.

Romans 12:2 says

 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

To be transformed  means learning a new way, and how many of us if we are honest “re-offend”? We especially in the early states of learning to be transformed “re-offend” when all we have in our life is the world.  We have no one there to disciple us, to teach us, to emulate?

Do you know someone that is trying to change and not “re-offend? I know that the pat Christian answer is read your Bible, pray, go to church, but my prayer today is that you will not give that answer to someone but instead do what the Bible says today in Matthew 28: 18-20

Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.”

But as you train and teach remember yourself that in 1 Timothy 4:12b-13

Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.  Until I get there, focus on reading the Scriptures to the church, encouraging the believers, and teaching them.

Giving up the “Good” to do the “Great”

Ask my husband and he will tell you I have a real hard time saying “No”. I can be a real giving person with little to no regard to the how, the outcome or, worse yet, how it will affect me.

I recently said “yes” to something without thinking everything through. I just knew it was for a good cause and I kept rationalizing that “it was for a good cause.”

As the days came and went and the weeks came and went, my anxiety and panic attacks increased. I blamed it on being re-triggered from the motorcycle accident.

As the event that I was going to be a part of was getting ready to take place, my anxiety increased to the point that I could not handle it and I had to walk away at the last minute.

As soon as I walked away, my anxiety subsided. I could not believe it, could it have been that easy?

I am not sure if you are like me but I like to fix things. I want to fix people. I have a real hard time with “boundaries” all in the name of “it was for a really good cause” or “they really needed my help.”

A major thing that I have had to deal with these past few weeks, which is NOT in my DNA as a first born, take charge, make it happen, bull in the china shop personality is; it is not my responsibility to fix everything or everyone.

God gives each of us gifts but more importantly He gives us a calling.

I am gifted in many things and it’s ok to do those things once in a while. For example, I love to have people over for dinner, but I am NOT called to be a caterer (yes, I do know that: been there, done that).

God over the past few years has been giving me subtle hints that my ministry was going to start taking on a different look. I was so set in my “no, it has to look this way” that I did not listen.

Just recently I realized that I have been doing a lot of good things, at the expense of not doing the great.

Part of my new learning experience is “boundaries” and asking the question: what is this going to cost and is God asking me to do this or is it part of my human DNA of wanting to help?

My question for you as you wrote down your goals yesterday:

What is God asking you to stop doing, which may be “good”, but He wants you to do something “great?”