ministry

Truth be told, all He asked was to Follow Him

For the past 2 weeks I have been fighting with God about a prescription I received almost a year ago. It read, “must have Florida Beach time often over the next year perhaps permanently.”  This prescription was given in response to my doctor telling me I needed to see a pulmonary specialist.  I told him it would have to wait 3 weeks seeing we were heading to Florida for family time and a church planting conference. In which he said the Florida air would do my lungs good.

More Florida Beach time

With prescription in hand, we headed to Florida.

That prescription was a catalyst that God used to get our hearts to be thinking of Florida.  I was under the assumption that once I moved to Florida then my asthma type symptoms would magically disappear. Instead for me and my body, (if you have followed any of my story), I don’t fit the mold. So why would I expect this to be any different?

I have been to a walk-in clinic now 3 times since our move to Florida.  I am on the exact same schedule I have been on since 2017.  Every 45-60 days.

I have made every excuse.

I cheated on my diet.

I was in the cold weather.

I was traveling.

For the past 18 months or so I have told doctors and myself.  “God is going to heal me. I just need to work out a few more things with my past. I just need to quit cheating on my dietary restrictions.”

In November, I was told that if I had one more flare up then I would need to see a specialist. Well today I once again found myself in the walk-in clinic.  The Doctor was not so pleasant.  She let me know without a shadow of a doubt I needed to find a primary care doctor sooner than later and get this under control.

So why this blog?

I had to come to grips that even though the prescription is part of our church planting story and why Cape Coral Florida, God knew I would need something that was of benefit to get my mind around moving 823 miles from my grandchildren and children.

Not being on steroids every 45-60 days and living in an area that is by the ocean and beautiful, was a great incentive and plus at that time we could do our job from anywhere. We were traveling for work 30-40 weeks out of the year anyway and it really didn’t matter where we started from.

By the end of February though, we were being called to plant a church, God even gave us handwriting on the wall, an 18-wheeler appearing out of nowhere as I am driving to the doctor because I am once again having an asthma flare up.

Fast forward to the past couple of months.  Nothing I thought would happen when we got here has come through. Everything I had put in motion to make the transition to Florida not feel so lonely, has fallen through.  And to top it off, I have been in the walk-in clinic 3 times since arriving.

I have silently been dealing with rejection and feeling like I was short changed. I have asked God to heal me. I have praised God for healing me. I have worked through more of my past. I have cried. I have laughed. I have screamed. And recently I have questioned.  Why? Why are you not healing me? I have faith. I believe. Why are you not healing me?

Then God gives me a flock of Ibis’s in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  To remind me He did heal me of my PTSD and there is no way I would have been able to move to a new area and plant a church with the anxiety and PTSD I had lived with for many years.

But God why are you not healing me of my asthma symptoms? Why did you bring me down here under false pretenses?

Then I read a book called Prodigal God by Tim Keller.

In the book was a story that went something like this.

Jesus says to pick up a stone and follow me.  You look around and because Jesus didn’t give you any specifications you pick up a small pebble and put it in your pocket.  A few miles down the road Jesus says to take your stone and place it in front of you.  He turns your “stone” into food.  You get very little because your stone is a pebble, others who were carrying bigger stones had much to eat because the food was commensurate to the size of the “stone.” Jesus now asks you to pick up another stone and follow Him. This time because you saw what He did for lunch you pick up the biggest stone you can find. You struggle and struggle. Finally, you get to a lake and Jesus says, “throw your stone in the lake.”   There is no food or any reward for carrying the big rock.  Jesus sees your frustration and He simple says, “All I asked you to do was follow me.”

As I was reading this sobbing, all God asked was, for me to follow Him. He also reminded me that the prescription came from man not God. God used it, but today I really know the meaning of the Proverbs.

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

You can make many plans,
    but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)

 

Church Planters Cape Coral FL

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if we had not moved we would have been disobedient.  But I am still human and as I was having a pity-party wondering what I had done wrong and why God had not healed me yet of my asthma symptoms, He reminded me that sometimes healing comes in the form of modern medicine I need to be okay with that and praise God for it.  And that the prescription for more Florida beach time was just a “sign” God used to get me ready for the next chapter our book He is writing with our lives.

To follow our church plant click the link  Restoration Christian Church

Glass Frogs

Last night I had a dream and here it is.

It was winter, I know this because the pipes had busted. There was water everywhere, but yet, I followed him around. All I wanted was for “him” to cut my hair. Even though I knew in my heart of hearts, he wasn’t going to cut it.

There was a group in a side room.

They said it was Christian, but it felt different.

I still followed him from room to room in hopes of getting my hair cut.

I didn’t feel threatened or in danger.

Something was off, but it was dark, wet and dreary.  And I didn’t want to leave because I wanted my hair cut.

My socks were wet from all the water that filled the floor. I remember walking into a part of the house, the concrete had sunk. There were people laying on the cold wet ground, fetching frogs. They were clear frogs, I remember distinctly their legs… The little pointy circles as toes and their feet were overly webbed.

Then he touched my breast. I ran away.

Then I woke up.

It didn’t make sense while it was going on, but as I journaled a few things came to the surface. I felt compelled to share it, and maybe it’ll be helpful to someone else.

I woke up remembering this vivid dream.. I also remember it was in color. The frogs were clear but greenish and reddish. The guy was wearing a red shirt and black pants.

I got out my pen and started journaling, asking God to speak to me. I have found that when a dream bothers me or is that vivid, that God has a message for me. Here is what I found flowing as I allowed the Spirit the freedom to speak.

  • I really need to run away at the first sign of discerning red flags but I wait, until something goes bad, then I have to flee.
  • Lord it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I was vulnerable and had a hole in my heart that wanted to affirmed and filled.

Then I found myself praying

  • Lord fill my hole in my heart with even more of your love.
  • Allow me to walk away and not put myself into situations.

As I talked the dream through with my husband, I realized how many times I still do this with work and relationships.

There are red flags.

I should run away, but I think for whatever reason they are the only ones who can “cut my hair”.

Hopefully you have realized that “cutting my hair” is a metaphor for, in my case, love, attention, getting to the next level in work, whatever “it” may be.

But the frogs, why the frogs?

I googled the frogs that were in my dream. And here is a picture of the frog I dreamt of.  It is called a glass frog.

This got me to start thinking.

Glass! Fragile! Handle with care.

And then I remembered hearing that FROG stood for Forever Relying On God.

As I grow in my relationship with the Lord, I find myself in awe at how many times I still allow myself to be pulled into the lure of what others, I think, can offer me.

People will fail us. We will fail people.

God has given me a gift of a discerning spirit, but even as important, God gave me a life partner in my husband who has the ultimate gift of discernment, and I really need to start listening more instead of allowing my flesh to lead.

Puking up prayers

Monday night everything was going along just fine.  I had made dinner for Rob and me.

We sat in our chairs in the living room eating, talking about our day and what the week looked like.

When we were finished, I took the dishes to the kitchen.  Put away the leftovers. Cleaned up the kitchen. Then returned to my chair to continue in our nightly routine.

By 8pm my stomach was turning and dinner was not setting well with me.  I explained to Rob that I wasn’t feeling well and I was going to go lay down.

As I was lying in bed, holding my stomach. At this point I was wishing I was in labor, because then at least there would be a great reward at the end, but no, my stomach was churning and churning with no end in sight.  I cried out for Rob to get me the heating pad.  His response was one for the textbooks, “This won’t end well.”

I did not care, the heat felt marvelous.

“Hey Rob can you get me a bucket, just in case?”

As I laid there in the most excruciating pain I had had in a VERY VERY long time, I found myself praying.  No scratch that, begging and pleading to God to allow me to throw up, then at least I would feel better.

My stomach would churn some more and with every pain, I would cry out in desperation to God to allow me to just throw up.

By 9pm my prayer was answered and I will spare you the gory details of my next few hours.

After I was back from the dead, I was scrolling on Facebook and I came upon a post that caught my attention. John-Pat Fuller said

Word #1 DESPERATE

Then he went on to ask

HOW DESPERATE AM I?

ENOUGH TO REALLY PRAY?

 

These two questions have troubled and taunted me all week.  You see on Monday night I was so desperate, that I was crying out so desperately for God to intervene. He did and I was ever so grateful.  But why do I not pray daily, in desperation for God to answer?
Only I can answer that and I have been personally working on how I pray.

Here is the rest of John-Pat’s post:

What can actually be accomplished of spiritual value without prayer?
Is it possible that I have been trying to live my life still too much in my own strength?
Am I DESPERATE enough to want the Holy Spirit to teach me how to live out all of God’s commandments?
Do I Hunger and thirst for righteousness, or do I just hunger to have the desires of my flesh fulfilled?
Just how DESPERATE am I for an intimate relationship with God, to know His will and His way, and to walk in the Spirit?
Have I faced up to this truth, that only my amount of DESPERATION will determine the amount of His blessing on my life?
How do you answer the above questions?
Are you DESPERATE for His presence in a new and living way in your life?

 

My prayer is that we will become a people that will desperately seek His face.

Seek His truth.

Seek His answers for our lives. 

Catch 22

This is a repost from my old blog site (the180program.blogspot.com) but it has been my heart recently as I have seen once again people who are giving up becuase they think its easier or its the only way.

The truth is……

Most of the men and women we work with are not considered law abiding citizens.

Let me give you an example of a catch 22.

A lady gets out of jail and we are working diligently with her to get a job.  She says she has an old friend that can help and given some of her circumstances we say ok.

After working a few days we start asking questions because he has already helped her and we need his help again.

She stalls and avoids the questioning, finally she comes out and tells us that he is expecting payment for helping.  Sexual payment.  Now I am connecting the dots.  He used to be her pimp.

Ok so lets find a new way…

When you are out trying to do things right it takes a while to reprogram “debilitating mentalities”.  All the while you are trying to change you still have to fight daily the demons of your past that don’t want you to have a better future.

Today I wake up to a message that things have gone badly.  She thought she was going to a friends that was safe (usually safe for those we work with means you did not use with them, have sex with them or any other illegal activity with them, even though they do that, you just never did it with them). Well someone else also came over and he held her hostage, raped her and beat her.

For most, the logical choice is to call the police.

But not so much for those who are just NOW becoming law abiding citizens.

You see somewhere in their mind of demons and debilitating mentalities…. She is hearing….

“You did something to deserve this”

“No one will believe you because you’re just a prostitute”.

“You call the police, they won’t believe you, look at your rap sheet”.

So the truth is….. Trying to change takes a new village.  It takes lots of “healthy people”, walking daily and not judging.

The hardest part in walking with someone is to know when “their excuses” are just an excuse to not change, because change is hard and brings responsibility and they are not ready for the success that change will bring.

And the second thing is when walking with someone and they “slip up, relapse, go to their old behaviors”… To not judge so harshly that you say “screw this, you’re not worth my time”, and walk away.

Your relationship may change, but we don’t add to the shame by saying “I knew you’d mess up.  I knew you couldn’t do it”.

That does not help anyone get healthy.

If you are someone who is walking in relationship with someone that fits this model, and you would like more information on how to effectively minister to them please fill out the following form:

Road Closed!!!

This was originally written on July 19, 2014 on my old blog site at the180program.blogspot.com. This was a very dark time for me personally and unfortunately I could not speak to many about it, becuase it was better to put on a mask and fake it than it was for the truth to be known.  Today though I am very grateful to be able to say I am on the other side of it; and my body is still in the healing process. 

Road Closed!!! NOT

This past week, if you watch my news feed on Facebook,  you would have seen this status:

You know that point where you are so tired of praying for God to answer, and you are trying to be obedient and not go back to the cross where you laid it and pick it up and try to “fix it” yourself….Yep I am there.

 

God took me to Haggai earlier this week. Today during my quiet time I was in Haggai 2.

‘Does anyone remember this house—this Temple—in its former splendor?
How, in comparison, does it look to you now? It must seem like nothing at all!
But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.
Be strong, all you people still left in the land.
And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’

What first hit me was “Does anyone remember this house…. this Temple…. In its former splendor…. Do you remember when you first became a Christ follower?  Were you on fire to tell everyone about what Christ had done for you?  And today what happened to that Former Splendor. Where is that fire today?

God asks in the next line “How in comparison does it look to you know”?

As real life happens and we don’t get our prayers answered as we see fit… we let the lies start to slip in and we start to think God doesn’t really care about our dreams and prayers. Then to make matters worse, you start hearing of people getting prayers answered and you are wondering; “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did my prayers not get answered?”  “What’s wrong with me?”

And so we allow the Splendor of who God really is… fade.

Some will walk away from the truth because the grass looks greener on the other side (remember though, that grass is being grown over the septic field). Some will try self-medication: shopping, drinking, drugs, changing something to fit in to a society they don’t want to fit in; but some image consultant said that would get them noticed.

We need to remember even in our darkest days, when the depression overcomes us, the shame of our past and we want to give up, quit or fix it our self and not wait on God…. We need to read the rest of this verse….

Be STRONG and NOW get to work…for I AM is with me…the Spirit was left as a guarantee to guide and direct… DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Version Mine 

If this spoke to you and you would like me to pray for you, fill out the form below with your request.

The Very First Single Mom

Over the years Rob and I have had many women walk in and out of our lives.

Lately, though I have been thinking about the very first single mom who walked into our lives.

I can see us pulling up to the gas station on Briley Parkway waiting for her to walk up from the hill with her belongings in tow.

I can still see her sitting at the glass topped, wrought iron white kitchen table in our 2 bedroom apartment at the corner of Nolensville Rd and Ocala Drive, she was showing me her senior picture and rubbing her baby bump as we spoke.  We did not have much and had only been married a short time, but we did have an extra bed.

She shared a room with our little girl who was only a year herself.  We did what we could to help her as she had chosen life.  I took her to appointments and we waited patiently for that day to come where we would rush her to the hospital so she could deliver her baby.

That day finally came in the middle of the night.  Off to the hospital she and I went.  We were left to ourselves for the most part.  There was no birthing room for this mom. No friendly chatter from friends or family… just the beeps from the machines in a dark, windowless, tiny room that only fit a bed, a hard chair, like you would find at a conference and the needed machines. I found myself trying to get comfortable, as I was told this could take a while. Even though I was a mother, I would not know how long it was about to take, because my daughter decided she needed to (as the doctor said) come out the window.  I showed up at 6am and was prepped for surgery by 10am and by 10:21, my first born had made her appearance.

The time had come, the nurse walked in and said “Lets go have this baby”.  They put up the side rails, unlocked the wheels and off we went.  We were in the hallway about to enter an area of the hospital called the “Delivery Room”, when from behind us we heard a voice calling her name.

The nurse stops, and the bed comes to a stop in the middle of the hallway.  This person is starting to say things like, I am sorry I was not here for you, but now I am.

The nurse looks at her and then says, “you can only have one person, who will it be?”

I choose her.

They wheeled her through the double doors, along with her longtime friend by her side.  The doors closed and that was the last time we ever laid eyes on her again.

I don’t have a clue if the baby was a boy or a girl.  I don’t have a clue where she went when she left the hospital.

Over the years I think of her often, I even still have her senior picture on my desk.  The baby would be reaching the 30 year old mark.  I wonder if he or she went to school.  If he or she got married or even has kids themselves.

I believe that God allows me to go through things, to feel things, to even witness things in order to make me a better servant for Him.  But I have to say, for the first time in 30 years, as I was thinking back on our time with her, that I felt a strong sense of longing, like I think I would if I had given my child up for adoption.

I cannot explain this longing nor can I explain the why?  Except that God has recently brought to mind the need for more families and churches to get involved in the lives of women who choose life, to walk with them in relationship not just through the pregnancy, but also for as long as God asks you to so that she and the baby know that: You are my masterpiece created anew in Christ Jesus so you can do the good things God planned for you long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

Not just another Sunday Sermon

Today’s sermon was not just another Sunday sermon, but rather an address by Bishop Kendall of the Free Methodist Church and secondly by Brad, the Superintendent of the Eastern Michigan Conference of the Free Methodist to celebrate the 125th birthday of Owosso Free Methodist.

Bishop Kendall told of the history of the Free Methodist Church and how we were FREE to worship in the Spirit but also to make to world free by knowing the One who can make you really FREE.
He also talked about as a people group we need to

  • Understand the story
  • Play our part in the story
  • Contribute to the story so that the story continues.

Superintendent Brad then got up and had us turn to Joshua 1 where you find this passage.

After the death of Moses the LORD’s servant, the LORD spoke to Joshua son of Nun, who had served Moses: “Moses My servant is dead. Now you and all the people prepare to cross over the Jordan to the land I am giving the Israelites. I have given you every place where the sole of your foot treads, just as I promised Moses. Your territory will be from the wilderness and Lebanon to the great Euphrates River–all the land of the Hittites–and west to the Mediterranean Sea. No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. I will be with you, just as I was with Moses. I will not leave you or forsake you.

As we were reading this I realized that this is the promise of the Lord for their obedience. But then it goes on to give us another command.

 “Be strong and courageous, for you will distribute the land I swore to their fathers to give them as an inheritance.  This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.  Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

 
This part of Joshua got me thinking about how many times we, ok maybe this is just for me, I  complain when things aren’t going the way I want or maybe I see others receiving blessings when I know (or at least I think I know) I deserve it more than they.  But God, just as God does had me sit here for a moment, so I could check my heart.

Then he had us follow the story into Joshua 3:

Joshua started early the next morning and left the Acacia Grove with all the Israelites. They went as far as the Jordan and stayed there before crossing.  After three days the officers went through the camp and commanded the people: “When you see the Ark of the Covenant of the LORD your God carried by the Levitical priests, you must break camp and follow it.  But keep a distance of about 1,000 yards between yourselves and the ark. Don’t go near it, so that you can see the way to go, for you haven’t traveled this way before.”

Brad went on to talk about the fact that in the Old Testament you had the Ark of the Covenant to show you the way because: “for you haven’t traveled this way before.”   God pricked my heart that today because we don’t have the physical Ark which represented the presence of God, we do have a guide and that is the Holy Spirit.

Superintendent Brad, went on in the Joshua to read:

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.” Then he said to the priests, “Take the Ark of the Covenant and go on ahead of the people.” So they carried the Ark of the Covenant and went ahead of them. The LORD spoke to Joshua: “Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, so they will know that I will be with you just as I was with Moses. Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

“Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.”

Consecrate yourselves… do we, again do I consecrate myself so that the LORD will do wonders among me tomorrow? Or do I just want God to do His part without the obedience of my part? Because if we go back to Joshua 1 it clearly states that I must:  “This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.” 

And I know many will say we live in the New Testament time… and you are correct but God has clearly been reminding me that in Matthew 5, Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.  Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”

Joshua then goes on to say: “…Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

Did you know that LEADERS are to get their feet wet? Now this was not surprise to me, because I know that when leaders lead by example, those who follow will have an easier time doing the same.  Actually my husband Rob (www.RW Kendall.com) wrote a great blog called “Where you lead from the pulpit, people will follow from the pew).

But what I did not realize is that:

“Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest.” Joshua 3:15

I am not sure what you know about water flowing during a “flood stage”, but as someone whose home flooded once and backyard flooded a few times, watching water rushing and knowing if you step foot out of the safe distance zone into the water, the force will sweep you under. And God told the leaders to put their feet in the edge of the water?

Then Superintendent Brad said, “God doesn’t always do things that make sense.”

So what does all this mean to me? Maybe even for you who maybe reading it.

What is God asking you to do for Him?

What excuses are you giving?

 

The “UN” of Forgiveness that can hold you Hostage

Forgiveness is a funny thing.

Did you know that anger’s root cause is from Unforgiveness.  I know this because I teach on it every day through The 180 Program.

A few years ago, and yes I just said a few years ago, I was in a meeting with a local pastor and a youth pastor.  It was soon after my attack and I was dealing with PTSD and anxiety but at that time did not know how to differentiate the actual attack PTSD/ anxiety and the anxiety I started feeling in this meeting as I was being “challenged”.

I walked out of that meeting and vowed never to return.  I would be cordial but I would not go out of my way to enter that building again as long as my life depended on it.

Today, in a state far from home at a conference far from home, that Pastor was teaching a workshop.

My body clenched and I was getting physically sick, but I heard God say…”you are to go to that workshop.”

Being obedient, I started walking in the direction of the classroom, without the security of my amazing husband, as he felt called to go to a different workshop.

I was one of the first to arrive and took a seat. Not to close and not too far back.

As the Pastor got up to speak, I felt my anxiety start to rise.  I quietly prayed for God to intercede and allow me to listen and learn from this man of God.

As satan always does, “Did God really say that?”

You see God was telling me as I was praying, that I needed to approach this man and tell him the offense and ask for forgiveness for holding a grudge.

As the meeting was ending, I was calm in my spirit and I knew I needed to take my chance and talk with him.  My prayer at this time was to keep my emotions at bay, and not let the crying start.

Well God did not answer that prayer, as I started to talk so did the tears.  It was very simple: You know you hurt me that day.  But more importantly I need to ask you to forgive me for harboring all these ill feelings.

He gave me a hug and asked for forgiveness also.

I walked out of that room feeling 100 lbs lighter than I have in years, but a something bigger was satan no longer had that control in my life.

Will we become buddy/buddy? Only the Lord knows.  But satan no longer has that hold on my life where I don’t feel I can NEVER walk into that church again.

Being alone in a Dark Place

Do you remember a time when you were in a dark place?

Dark PlaceDid you have anyone you could really talk to about the truth?

I have had dark days, maybe even a dark week or two…but 2013-14 were probably 2 of my darkest years.

Here are 2 of my status from this date in 2013

 

“I covet your prayers. The past 2 months have finally caught up to me.  To tell you how bad it has been…. I still have wet clothes sitting in a broken down washing machine, my oil change was due over 6 thousand miles ago…. And I am the person that as soon as I hit 5 thousand I get my oil changed. Then to top it off we got hit with another doozie yesterday….  And we also have to be out of our office by Thursday…I know the verses “all things work together for the good…..”and resting in the fact that Satan had to get permission before any of this happened.  I wish I had a crystal ball to see the end, but right now I feel I have nothing left to give.  Thank you for your prayers.”

“You know you must be bad if the technician at Jiffy Lube asked if you were ok”

These statuses were 10 months into owning a restaurant that we bought for the sole purpose of helping people get back on their feet.

We did not buy it to become a huge corporation and make lots of money, we used it as a training site so people who were reentering the workforce could have a safe place to learn things like integrity, perseverance, reliability etc…

Here is the reasoning behind that dark time.

We surely thought that there would be many on board to support the restaurant because we were helping people to get back on their feet and become productive members of society.

Well unfortunately this was farthest from the truth.

We did not gain business that we thought would be a no brainer.  Some of the reasoning’s were we could not beat the fast food pizza prices and also because we sold beer.

We were also told by people because we had “those” people working for us they would never come back. And they didn’t.  They would park in front of our store every week and walk to the Chinese restaurant.

We also did field trips and because we had “felons” work for us this certain group that took federal funding could not come back ever. Really?

Then when we did raise our prices to cover the rising cost of food, people got even more upset.

Let me give you one example.  Cheese.  When we started a box of cheese cost $50/ box, by the time we sold it, the same box of cheese cost $90/box.  And that was just one item, but it goes on EVERY pizza.

And to top it off, the ministry lost 30% of its funding.

During this time, I was alone and needed support.

There were days where I could have given up, driving home I would think “just run the van into this ditch, or this pole… No one would care and I will be out of this darkness.”

This was a dark time, but when you do ministry you cannot be honest. You have to smile and make believe everything is amazing and greaYou OK?t.

I am grateful that I did not allow satan to win. I am grateful I am on this side of that darkness. Many unfortunately do not make it to this side of the darkness. Please be in tuned to those ministry leaders you support. To those people you call friends. Watch for warnings of darkness, burn out and compassion fatigue. Be a true friend and don’t accept their answer of “I’ll be ok” or “it’ll be ok.”

If you are a ministry leader and have never heard of compassion fatigue, please look into it. Here is a link to a test by the  Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©

**if you are in ministry and don’t feel you have any one to talk to please reach out to someone**

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The Kendall Factor: A legacy of Faith

This past April I had the privilege of spending a week at the beach with all my husbands brothers and sisters, their spouses, mom and dad and another couple who grew up knowing the Kendall’s. It was here that the friend brought up the term, “The Kendall Factor.” What did he mean by “The Kendall Factor?” All 16 people sitting at that table are devoted to Christ and continuing the legacy of the Kendall family.   I am not a Kendall by birth, I am a Kendall by marriage. For the longest time it was just the name I was given when the preacher pronounced us man and wife.  P1000614

Most know that Robs and my marriage did not start off on the best of feet. I was pregnant. We hadn’t known each other long and to make matters worse, Robs mom and dad found out we were getting married when I called to ask what my soon to be father-in-laws middle name was becuase I needed it for the invitations. There has been many more rocky roads in this 31 years BUT GOD is all I can say.

I know that for the past 3 decades, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my marriage has been prayed for by my in-laws.

When you are young and living life things doesn’t really sink in, but now today things have changed. I realized I am a Kendall. This past weekend I read a book written by Robs grandfather.  Its like an autobiography/tales from the road, but in reality it was much more than that. It was about a legacy that started in the late 1800’s when Rob’s Great-Grandfather was saved.

I laughed, I cried and by the end of the book I mourned.

Grandpa’s dad, was saved in the late 1800’s. He was out in the woods when he gave his life to Christ, (maybe that is why Rob loves the woods so much).  Here is the story as told by Grandpa

My father was converted at age 20 while alone in the woods. At that time, he was attending a church where a cuspidor (a large bowl, often of metal, serving as a receptacle for spit, especially from chewing tobacco) was kept by the pulpit for the worldly pastor, and where board members sometimes became so heated in argument they would pull off their coats. Fathers testimony must have been a shocker. He said,  “The Lord saved me from chewing tobacco and getting mad”. The people responded, saying, “Bert, we believe you are in earnest, but don’t you think you have gone too far?”  

The same Jesus that saved my Great-Grandfather that day can and will deliver you but you have to be willing.  Great-Grandpa was willing and he actually then moved to a different church and became a circuit pastor.

First conviction: When “church people” are telling you to not take it too far when you have been freed from something, do you stand your ground and find where God would have you to worship or do you allow their worldly behaviors to make you think “maybe God doesn’t really require me to give up these things?”

Great-Grandmother prayed for her children.  She actually said that she was convinced before Walter was even born that she knew he would be a preacher, and Grandpa says that is why he was named Walter Sellew after a “bishop of her church”.

Next conviction: Do we pray for and over our children like that?

We get caught up in our daily lives, I get that; but why do we not pray for our children’s lives before we have them? And I mean specific prayers of doing great things?

Back to the story:

At 16 Grandpa was running away from his faith.  The only reason he went to a camp meeting that afternoon was because he heard that Ruth Johnson was going to be there (he had met her earlier, but he got sick and had to return home to heal). Grandpa says it was a dreary afternoon, someone trying to preach and suddenly he saw himself as a sinner sliding into Hell. He goes on to say ” my mothers prayers for me must have been with me, for all I had been taught about God became real to me”.  In his book he then said these words became meaningful to him :

There is a spot to me more dear,
Than native vail or mountain:
A spot for which affection’s tear
Springs grateful from its fountain.
Its not the place of kindred  minds,
Though that is almost heaven;
But where I first my Savior found
and felt my sins forgiven. 

Religion had only been a teaching “Thou Shall NOT”, then suddenly the world became new to me and I was never the same again.

As I read this story of my grandfather-in-laws life, I found myself yearning more and more for this life of faith, this life led by the Holy Spirit, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I don’t mean he was speaking in tongues or jumping pews, he had a  faith knowing that Jesus heals, that Jesus provides, that Jesus nudges us to live a life full of holiness. I wanted this filling. I don’t want the head knowledge but the filled with the Holy Spirit in my heart so full that is exudes through every pore of my body.  The filling of the Holy Spirit that when youInstagram Post are not being pure and right that you can’t sleep until you make it right. Instagram Post (1)

Here are memes I made while reading the book.

 

 

Instagram Post (2)

One of the quotes that I felt convicted of was do I pray, “Lord if you will make it plain, I will do it?” Grandpa was talking about being truthful and publicly placing on the alter his sin of the heart.  Pride, conceit, carnal fear, and carnal ambition. It was during a camp meeting and the first words the Evangelist that night said not once but used it over and over in the 15 minutes he spoke: John 2:5 “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

As the Evangelist was done speaking, Grandpa got up, stated his need, begged to be forgiven and asked for prayer. In his book, Grandpa said, “At the alter satan taunted me saying” you have made a fool of yourself. You will have to get up and go on as you are”.

As I read this I realized how many times satan keeps us in our fear to seriously ask God to forgive us because we don’t see God for who He is and what He is calling us to do.

To end this, I realized while reading this book that I am part of a legacy that was started in the late 1800’s.

What am I doing to continue this legacy?