Don’t become a Slave to the Lender

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

I wish I could tell you that I have always been good at saving money, but that is a discipline that was never taught to me as a child as we didn’t have money to spare.

Growing up I watched my mom pinch every penny to make sure her three children were fed and I am pretty sure that a lesson on money management was not on her parenting radar.  So unfortunately when I had money, I spent money.

Fast forward a few decades, I now teach budgeting classes. I use the verse from Proverbs  

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.  Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

to teach men and women about the dangers of credit cards, we tote the note lots and cash advance places. 

But now there is a new danger, especially to newly opened businesses, that I hadn’t given much thought to, until recently. 

Being a newly registered business, when the junk mail started arriving, I just assumed I had gotten on someone’s list. I rarely open this type of mail but for some reason this letter caught my attention. 

DO NOT DISCARD

“DO NOT DISCARD”

Inside was a “pay to the order of” and in very fine letters, it read “this is not a check, it is a loan and by cashing it you are agreeing to our terms.”  This made me go back and open the rest of the mail. 

In a week’s time I had “checks” I could have cashed totaling over $100 thousand dollars.

 

What if I hadn’t known any better? What if I truly thought it was a gift? Stranger things have happened right? 

The challenge would have been when all those loans had come due.  They will get their money some way and truth be told, how many of us actually read all the terms and conditions? 

When you sign your name and either cash or deposit that check, your payment plan starts and you become a slave to that lender. 

And if all those checks weren’t bad enough, the pre-approved credit cards started piling up as well. 

Here is my two cents: Don’t fall for the schemes of those who send you unsolicited mail. If you are in need of a line of credit or a credit card, talk with a financial advisor. 

If you have already fallen prey, make a plan to get out from underneath that obligation as soon as possible. Whether that be by paying it off or coming up with a plan to pay it off quicker. 

Don’t do it alone.  

Find a coach to help keep you accountable and to get your cash flowing a different way.  

There is also another verse in the Bible that I love, especially for new businesses. 

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,
to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10 (NLT)

And lastly the verse in Luke is great for business owners.


 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.
But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.
Luke 16:10 (NLT)

Don’t Wait for Tomorrow… it may never come

As he pulled out of the driveway part of her died.  She was only a kid and didn’t understand why they couldn’t get along. Even though she was grateful he took her calls during the day, she knew there would be hell to pay if she was ever caught. Day’s turned to years before she would see him again. But finally the time had come.  She was able to date. Her first date took her to see him. She was 16. Knowing it was too risky their meetings were few are far between. Again days turned into years. The time had finally come and she was free. She made the call and they were going to meet again.

 

This past weekend I received a 6am wake-up call that I never wish upon anyone.  “I have rushed your dad to the hospital. He is having chest pains.”

Just the day before we were sitting on the dock, laughing at the events of the past week.  A boat ride across the causeway, a yacht, a huge wave. A wall of water on both sides of the boat that eventually ended up in the boat.  Drenched they started to laugh as they hadn’t had to pay the price of admission to Disney’s water park.

Now laying in a hospital bed waiting in the hallway because the ER is so full there are no more rooms. Almost 32 hours later, he is rolled into the surgical room. They are going to explore and be ready to put in a stent if need be. Doctors aren’t 100% there is a need, but with the instance of the patient, they go ahead.  2 hours later they come to the waiting room to get us. Not one but 3 stents later.

How bad? He was just having a little chest pain.  2 were 90% blocked and 1 was 95% blocked.

I have to excuse myself. I lose it.  How can this be? Then I start to get mad. “God, I just moved here.  Don’t take him home yet. I am just now getting back all those years I lost.”

I have had every wave of emotion in the past 48 hours.

The scripture says: We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
James 4:13-14 NIV

 

Don’t wait another day to make amends.

Don’t wait another day to call a long lost friend.

Don’t wait another day to reunite with your family if it is possible.

Don’t get to tomorrow and say “I should have…..”

Do make today count.

Unforgiveness

 

In our 8-week study New Beginnings, we talk about forgiveness right off the bat.  Not only do we talk about forgiving others but we talk about forgiving our self.

When you forgive others, it doesn’t always equate to being friends again. By forgiving others it allows you to move on with your life.  By truly forgiving, you no longer harbor feelings of resentment or wishing ill will.

I started working on the blog/podcast the other day and am finishing it today.  But in the meantime, I had a 6-hour round trip in the car with my husband. During one of our many conversations, I told him that I was still very upset with a situation that happened in July and that I just wished I knew why things had gone awry. I also told my husband that every time this person’s name gets brought up I get sick to my stomach.

Fast forward throughout the day, this person’s name was mentioned a few times in conversations by other people (unbeknownst to them that I was having an issue) and thankfully I was able to contain my emotions.

As I was dozing off to sleep last night, my husband said, as profoundly as he usually does, “Do you really need (that person) to ask for forgiveness or do you need to extend it so that it does not affect you anymore?”

So as I was falling asleep I found myself praying for this person and their family.  I realized that by not extending forgiveness in my own heart that I was allowing satan to steal joy. I was allowing satan to possibly even get a foothold in the kingdom because I was “upset and wanted this person to personally ask me to forgive them.”

What does it matter? In my humanness, I was making it a bigger deal than it was.  In God’s economy I was allowing satan to make change and even prosper.

Forgiveness according to the dictionary means to cease to feel resentment against; to pardon an offense or an offender.

Do you see what it says, to cease to feel resentment against!  This is for you and I.  This is for our well-being.  By not ceasing to feel resentment, I was saying, that I could not forgive.

What if the person you need to forgive is yourself?   Do you find it hard to cease to feel resentment against yourself?

Do you know what happens not only when you don’t forgive others, but you don’t forgive yourself? Satan allows feelings to creep into our lives that reminds us how hurt we were.  What happens when you are hurt? What feeling comes in next? Anger! Maybe just a little annoyance. Maybe we become just a little more curt in our tone than we need to be.  Then before we know it we have hit full blown anger where we are throwing things, slamming doors, cursing, using words to hurt people and unfortunately, those in our paths are innocent people just because we decided we could not cease to feel resentment toward someone or our self.

Also many may not think of this, but if you were hurt as a child, you may have carried these feelings with you into your adolescent years and now you may be directing deep-rooted anger at totally innocent people. You might not realize the true seed from which this anger has grown if from unforgiveness.  These emotional outbursts or angry thoughts and actions are due to feelings that you have not addressed.

It is time to forgive, not only for yourself but for your children. For your well-being. For your marriage. For your relationships.

So what is a practical prayer you can use.

Heavenly Father, I forgive ________(someone or yourself)  I forgive ___________ for:(now write down every past event you need to be forgiven for or forgive someone of) _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I ask that You forgive me.  Father I ask that I would lose sight of the offense, and if I am ever reminded of the offense, that I will dismiss that memory as an old, resolved conflict I no longer want to revisit. Father I ask that I would simply forget the incident and move on with rebuilding healthy relationships as you lead me to do so.  Father, please show me how to love myself the way you do. Father, show me how to turn my offenses into concern for others well-being.  Father, I am moved to forgive myself because I desire to be obedient to you and desire for you to be glorified. Father, I ask that you would forgive me for not forgiving myself before now and remove from my heart any consequences or disease from not forgiving myself in the past. Father I confess that I will need your help to live out this forgiveness and I ask you to give me the strength to live true to the forgiveness.  Father, please bless my life in every way and heal me of any emotional or physical wounds that I have caused from suffering so long.

 

As I end I want to share 2 scriptures with you.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)                    

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT)

May you find joy in today as you forgive your yesterday.

She’s just a little girl

As the door slammed shut, you could hear the whimpers of the little girl she left behind.

The argument escalated very quickly to a yelling match by the older of the two. There was a harshness that was being displayed through not only her words but also her actions towards the younger.

As the little girl wiped the tears, anyone who was watching could see a broken little girl who just wanted to be affirmed that she was doing at least one thing right. Her heart longed for love and gratefully there was someone else there to heal her wounds.

[ctt template=”8″ link=”m50Ht” via=”no” ]This once innocent little girl that was just looking to be loved… is now being groomed and loved by the wrong group. #parenting [/ctt]

Fast forward a few years. This once innocent little girl that was just looking to be loved, is now being groomed and loved by the wrong group.

The WORLD.

Men.

Alcohol

Drugs

Sex

Fast forward a few more years.  This once innocent little girl is now sitting before me in class asking how did I get here.

You may think as a parent this will never happen to my child.

As a person who sees this every day in my line of work and more importantly as a parent who wishes she could go back and redo my children’s childhood, I know how quickly the WORLD can step in with a false love.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I taught my children just as many of you probably did, to recite that saying when others were attempting to use words to hurt them; but parent what about you? What about the words you use?

Choose today to change you the parent… then the child will change also.

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A letter to my younger self

Today as I was texting a friend I found myself with this overwhelming need to journal.  As I started to journal, my thoughts went to “I wish I could have a do-over with my kids”.  So I started writing a letter to myself of what I wish I knew then, and how it would affect my children.

Dear Meredith

I know that you are poor and don’t have much.  I know that every month you stand in line for a food box at that church… but don’t let that define you.  I know that you are stressed about the finances and where the money will come to make the bills… but Meredith you have been given a gift, she is your firstborn and she will grow up to be just like you.  So if you don’t like some of your attributes you need to change them today.

I want to tell you,  you will make mistakes but the one mistake that will define everything is this; Be present and remember that you only live today, once.  Your firstborn is tiny today but one day she will grow up to be a mom.  Today Meredith your tone, your actions, your lack of actions will define how she sees the world.  How you carry yourself.  What you react to.  What you make time for.  How you let people treat you and how you treat people.  All these play into raising your little girl.

Don’t make her your excuse for your anger because you are tired.  Don’t make her your excuse because you are running late.  Own up to who you are and who you aren’t.  Don’t make your child fit your mold.  Slow down and be the best thing in your child’s life.  Meredith your child and soon to be children will remember the walks in the park, the picnics in the grass… they will also remember when you did not show up because you were too busy working or taking care of someone else’s life.  Meredith take every day from now until they ask you to stop… and be present in their life.  Today to be present looks different than what it’ll look like in 20, 30 or so years… but if you are not there today they will not want you present tomorrow.

Also many will call your oldest “Social baby”…. She will get this name because she can be crying, but then as soon as she is in public she is the happiest baby in the world.  Meredith, you will think it’s cute.  But as I am writing you this letter I need for you to realize that it is a coping skill she is learning from you.  And it’s not a healthy coping skill.

Take from this letter what you will, but remember you only get one chance at today.  You will mess some of them up, but repent, ask for forgiveness and make tomorrow a better day.

 

Shut Up B*#ch

Mom, I don’t understand. Why did you smack me? Those are the words he calls you. Why can’t I call you that?

Mom. I don’t understand. I just said the words he said. You know that guy who you told us to call dad. You know the one who yelled from his car as he drove by with another girl in the car.

Mom, I don’t understand. Why am I now in time out for telling that woman to shut up? I just used the words you used when that other girl from the car started talking.

Mom, why am I locked in my room? Do I embarrass you when I tell people shut up? I’m just using the language I hear others use when they are talking to you and the language you repeat back.

Mom, knock it off, you’re embarrassing me. Don’t you know I am just practicing for when I grow up and get me a baby mama like you. You know the one; the one where I can tell her what to do, call her names and then when I show back up, she’ll let me in. I’ll do all those things to her you let me watch on TV. I’ll treat her the way your music teaches me to treat the babies mama. I’ll treat her just like all those guys treat you.

Mom, and dad, your kids are watching. They hear what you hear. They see what you see. They do what you do.

If you don’t think kids are watching you then why did Rodney Atkins write a country song about it? This song spent 4 weeks at the top of the county music chart and was song of the year in 2007. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_Atkins)

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn’t have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
A Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
As fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with “s” and I was concerned
So I said son now where’d you learn to talk like that

Chorus one

He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I’ve been watching you

(http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/rodney_atkins/watching_you.html)

Parenting is much more than having sex, and having an egg and sperm unite. It is a long term relationship with a child who is expecting you (the parent) to teach and train them to love, to serve, to become a productive member of society.

But just like everything in life, there are choices and consequences. Are you making the right choices? And if the answer is NO, then maybe you need to ask yourself this question:

Do I really want to be a parent?

If the answer is NO, then maybe you should call someone and make arrangements for someone else to raise your children. Because if you don’t, the streets will, and I can guarantee you won’t like those results.

If the answer is YES, I want to parent. Then decide today to get the help to make the much needed changes.

But for a lasting change the first call needs to be to Jesus. He needs to be the King, the Lord and the Savior of your life.