June 28th was a B E A U ti-Ful day for a motorcycle ride. As we were ending the ride, still not quite sure what happened, but we ended up in the ditch, with a totaled motorcycle.

Even as I am writing this, I am reliving the scene and can feel the anxiety filling my body from my toes all the way up to my head. I can still see my husband laying in the ditch lifeless. I am screaming and screaming trying to get him to answer. I call 9-1-1. Rob is still lifeless. Finally, he starts to moan, my body just wants to scream, don’t leave me. The moans were so death like, I thought he was taking his last breaths.

Rob has a dislocated collar bone, a sprained shoulder and a concussion. I have bumps and bruises.

Fast forward to the last few weeks of a new normal for our lives

Because of Robs limited use of his arm (we find out later that he had tears in the muscles around his rotator cuff), I drive him a majority of the time. The concussion though, is another story. He is sleeping most of the days away. He can’t get on the computer to work. When we do think he is ready to venture out, he can’t even make it 1/2 a day without tiring. Up until this week, all evening outings were put on hold. And I become a full-time care giver.

This is just the physical aspects of what has happened.

Rob is not 100% yet, but he at least has better movement in his shoulder and his “smart butt” attitude is coming back.

The wreck 6 weeks ago, created another trauma in my life. The anxiety has been so great that it created a depression that was so heavy, that many times, I would want to cry, but my body wouldn’t let me because I needed to be strong.

My husband needed me to care for him.

I needed to stay strong, because my husband was in no shape to care for a wife who was losing it.

During a recent trip downtown Rob said, “I hope you are ok with walking down here, because I won’t be able to defend you if anything happens”.

I did not realize how much the reality of that statement along with the anxiety I was feeling started a spiral downward into a deep depression because I was NOT strong and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Now for the reason for my blog

Rob and I have talked about our deaths and what we would do if the other one died and we survived. I have always said, “well, I know where you would be, so I would be happy for you and I would NOT get remarried but throw myself in to the ministry and keep going”.
What God has shown me through this wreck is that I have not waited for Rob to die, to act as if he was. For many months God has been reminding me about how much I used to be the wife who kept the house clean, I was always cooking breakfast and bringing it to my husband in bed. Over the years, I have become a very focused person, which can be good and bad. Good in the business world, but bad because I have realized how much I get focused on the “busy-ness” of life that I have neglected my husband and his need to be appreciated and loved like I used to.

So God used a motorcycle wreck to show me how much I love my husband and how weak I am and there are things I need to change.